


you don't get me

by shes_cured



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, SuperCorp, SuperCorp relationship - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-12-25 18:39:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 74,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12041874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shes_cured/pseuds/shes_cured
Summary: Kara had plenty of daydreams about college, but none of them were anything like reality. Lena Luthor is cold and impossible to get along with, but maybe Kara is just what she needs.-A college AU where Kara and Lena start out as roommates and their journey through navigating their first four years of independence together.





	1. freshman year: pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I like this, but give me your feedback?

Kara gazed around the dorm room in awe from the doorway, looking around as it was finally done. A collage of pictures from high school was plastered on the wall, Alex and Eliza were gone and she was about to live life on her own for the very first time. She was really going to do this. To live without Eliza’s worrying or Alex looking over her shoulder and lecturing her to control her powers… For the first time, she was about to find out who Kara Danvers was, not who she was expected to be, and while she was terrified she was oddly excited.

She walked to her bed, sitting on it and pulling out the computer she had gotten as a graduation gift in June. She had gotten her roommate assigned two and a half weeks ago, but they hadn’t talked much. She didn’t know which, but Lena Luthor was either extremely busy or rude based on her short, spaced out or nonexistent replies. Kara was hoping it was the first. Figuring out who was going to bring toilet paper took three days due to Lena replying ‘I don’t care.’ then leaving her on read for two days until Kara reached out again

It wasn’t until six that night when Lena stepped into the room. Kara looked up, standing off the bed and giving a warm smile. “You must be Lena.”

“And you Kara Danvers,” she nodded firmly. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“I was thinking you weren’t going to show up.”

“I had family business to attend earlier in the day,” the raven haired girl shrugged it off, going her bed and laying down the large box she had been carrying. “I need to get to work moving in, so if you’ll excuse me…”

She watched her new roommate leave as quickly as she had come in. She returned a few minutes later, once again alone with another box. “Are your parents coming later?”

“They’re in Italy right now,” she informed her without any trace of sadness - or any emotion for that matter. “Big business deal.”

“Oh,” Kara frowned, not quite able to relate to how the girl in front of her seemed so okay with no one accompanying her to her big day. “Do you want help with boxes?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you-“

“I’ll talk later. I have a lot to move in,” she gave another curt nod, exiting the room again. 

Kara pulled out her phone, typing a message to the one person she was missing the most.

_Update: The roommate is either just socially inept or extremely rude. Any bets on which?_

She almost pictured Alex’s grin reading that, but she didn’t need to wait long for a reply.

_I was hoping you’d text soon. Enjoy the adventure of college, bad roommates included! No late night talks with her? Bonding over boys?_

It was Kara’s turn to grin. She started typing back, hastily pressing send as Lena walked into the room again.

_As if. She doesn’t even sound like she wants a day time talk._

Lena placed the box on the bed, looking it over before switching the places of each of the boxes for no apparent reason. They looked the same from the outside, so Kara couldn’t figure out what the point in rearranging them was, but she had a feeling this semester would bring about a lot of things about Lena she wouldn’t be able to figure out.

 _That’ll suck for her_ , the next text from Alex read _, we all know how much you love talks at all times of the day_

Kara laughed, slipping her phone into her pocket and sitting on her bed again as she waited for Lena to reappear. She did again, placing the largest box yet on the floor.

“Are you sure you don’t want help with anything?”

“That’s the last of the boxes,” she replied shortly, turning her attention to opening the one on the right and pulling things out. 

“Do you want help hanging things up?” 

Lena looked at Kara as if she already knew she was an alien. She turned to the wall, staring at all the pictures of the blonde and her friends at football games and parties and beaches before tearing her eyes away again. 

“I didn’t bring anything to hang. Too much work only to take it down again in nine months. Sounds like a waste of my time.”

“Oh,” Kara stated, surprised that anyone could _not_ want to decorate their dorm room. 

That was the most exciting part of living in a dorm. She figured if she had a more enthusiastic roommate the bonding part would be pretty great too, but since she didn’t decorating was most definitely the most exciting part of college thus far.

“Do you need help doing anything?”

Lena looked over, giving a soft smile that Kara took to be either degrading or pitying. “I’m fine on my own, thanks.”

Kara rolled her eyes when Lena turned around before grabbing her purse. “I’m gonna get some food then. I’ll talk to you later.”

“I’ll be here for the next four months,” Lena confirmed. “Come back before December and you’ll find me.”

The blonde stared blankly, walking out of the room. She once again rolled her eyes when she heard a, “That was supposed to be a joke,” muttered under Lena’s breath once she was out the door. It wasn’t funny. All it did was verify that it’d be an extremely long four months with a girl she didn’t even have the same sense of humor as. 

* * *

Lena walked into the dorm room, looking around and stepping over various items of clothing. Kara gave her a smile, not bothering to try and make small talk anymore. After three weeks, she'd come to the conclusion that Lena wasn't the type to want friends. 

Maybe she had friends from high school, maybe she was stuck up, maybe she was insecure – Kara didn't know. All she knew was every time she did reach out to try and start a conversation Lena seemed annoyed with her, so she decided not to bother after week two. 

“We need to talk,” Lena said with mix of a business deal and break up tone.

Kara almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of the raspy voice dominating the room. It took a lot to scare her, but her sensitive hearing was eavesdropping on a couple fighting outside the building and wasn’t expecting Lena to actually speak to her. It had been days since that happened. 

“Uh–”

“I can't focus with an untidy room,” she said nonchalantly, not looking up from reading over something on the school website. “I tried, I did, but I can't do this. Can you _please_ pick up a little more?”

She tried to bite her tongue, but at eighteen Kara’s mouth had a brain of its own. “Since you asked so nicely, sure, no problem.”

Lena raised an eyebrow with surprise, turning to study the blonde on the twin sized mattress that was across the room. “Excuse me?”

“Nothing,” she smiled, not in the mood to start a fight at eleven at night – especially not with someone icy that she already hated living with. “Sure, I'll pick up more.”

Green eyes rolled so big Kara was shocked they didn't fall out. “Thanks. I need to study now.”

“Wasn't planning on talking, no worries,” Kara put on another fake smile. 

Lena laughed, blurting out words that Kara wasn't sure were supposed to be an insult or a joke. “At least you're learning how to please me in college. That's all you need to know.”

* * *

She didn't know what Lena did until two in the morning most school nights, nor did she want to know. She started out coming back to their room at ten every night in August, then it became twelve and now it was two and all Kara knew was she wouldn't be able to cope if it became four. Once or twice was one thing, but it was hard enough to fall asleep when you could hear things from miles away to begin with, never mind with a door opening every day at two in the morning. 

“Oh my god,” she finally groaned while she was half asleep. “You cannot come in at two a.m. every night. For the love of God, let me sleep. Just two days a week at least, I’m begging you.”

“Sorry,” Lena shrugged it off, using the flashlight on her phone to brighten the room so she could walk the short path to her bed, only killing Kara’s eyes in the process. “Didn't know it bothered you.”

“Well, it does,” Kara grumbled. “I don't know who your boyfriend is, just let me sleep.”

Lena smirked at the comment, only driving Kara towards having more anger. Before she could pick a fight, Lena was replying. “I'll tell my boy toy we need new hours. Do you have any spare time you're not here? Maybe we can use this room? You know, get it out of our system? We’re very horny lovers.”

“Is that another joke?”

“Yes.”

Kara rolled over to face the wall, too annoyed to laugh. “It's truly charming, but I need to sleep.”

“Clearly you do,” she chuckled lightly, adjusting herself on her own bed. “Sweet dreams, Kara. Sleep well, I hope it’s a sound sleep full of whatever you consider good dreams.”

If it wasn't so obviously said for the intent to get under her skin, Kara would be shocked, but Lena was too good at trying to bother people for the words to be genuine. So, she said nothing back, just closing her eyes and trying to once again block out the car engines and footsteps and whispers and music and night shift janitors and heartbeats and – did Lena know how fucking _loud_ her heartbeat somehow was? 

It only added on to why she was so annoying and Kara didn't like it one bit. 

* * *

The door opened and all four girls in the dorm room turned to stare at Lena who awkwardly froze at the sight of them. She rose her eyebrows at Kara with a fire in her eyes, slowly blinking. 

“Can we have a moment, Kara?”

“This is Lena,” Kara introduced her to her friends with less than pleasure in her voice. “Apparently we need to have a moment.”

Her friends looked at one another with the same nervous expression on all three of their faces. 

Once they were out in the hallway that was a little too narrow, Kara glared, unable to hide how fucking annoyed she was becoming with the girl in front of her. “Lena, _what_ can you possibly want to say that needs to be said now of all times?”

“That a heads up would've been nice,” she spat out. 

Kara rolled her eyes, reaching the point of exhaustion with Lena’s permanent unhappy demeanor.  “Okay, I will next time. I didn't expect you to be back this early, I'm sorry.”

“Why wouldn't I be back?”

“Gee, I don't know… because you're never back by now?” 

Lena found herself glimmering. “Well, well, Kara Danvers found herself an attitude.”

She once again rolled her eyes in response, getting out an obnoxious scoff. “You are so impossible that I had to.”

She squinted her eyes. “Get rid of the strangers in my room.”

“Hang out with us.”

“I don't have friends, nor do I want them,” she announced coolly. “Especially not giddy college girls.”

Kara stared at her sadly for a few moments before nodding. “You're doing a great job with that.”

It was enough to stun Lena into silence. The green eyes looked at her with raw emotion for the first time, almost seeming to be pleading for some sort of understanding.

“You really suck at talking to people,” Kara informed her. Lena stayed silent again, causing Kara to shake her head with exasperation. “They'll be gone within ten minutes. You have my word.”

For the first time since Kara had met her, Lena’s face shifted from looking uptight and allowed relief to sink in. “Thank you.”

“They're still gonna come over in the future,” Kara clarified. “I'll tell you, but they're my friends.”

Lena stared blankly, shrugging her shoulders. “I understand some people need things like that.”

“You're gonna need someone someday too,” Kara accused, disliking feeling small and weak for having the social skills that Lena lacked. “It's not just me.”

She looked her up and down, head to toe, staring for a long while. “When I do it won't be a bunch of college kids who don't care about anything important.”

“Maybe you have the wrong idea of what's important.”

Instead of answering, Lena turned around and began to walk away, yelling out all she had to say behind her shoulder. “You have twenty minutes to give me my room back.”

“Or what?” Kara found herself challenging, forcing herself to stand taller. 

She was invincible, yet she found it so hard to act that way around Lena. Something about her was intimidating. 

Lena stopped walking, facing Kara again and closing her eyes. “There’s a reason everyone’s scared of me, you know?”

“You don’t scare me.”

She looked Kara up and down, once, then twice, before finally landing on her eyes again. Kara gulped, feeling like she had just been read by the world’s most literate girl. 

The raspy voice came out so smugly as she stated what they both knew was the truth. “Yes, I do.”

* * *

“My sister is coming on Thursday to spend the long weekend here,” Kara mentioned on a Tuesday night. “It’s last minute, but… yeah. You said you wanted a heads up next time, so… yep.”

Lena looked at her for a few seconds, nodding her head with more seriousness than was needed for the conversation. “Thank you for informing me. She can sleep over if you want.”

“Really?” Kara asked, unable to hide her utter shock at the suggestion. Lena would barely let friends come over for an hour. 

Lena just shrugged. “Yeah. It’s cool. She’s your sister and you’re clearly freaky close.”

“We are. She’s-“

“I don’t need to know about her, I was just making an observation,” she interrupted Kara from a lengthy summary of all the reasons Alex was her best friend. “I’m sure she’s just like you.”

Kara closed her mouth again, not quite sure what that was supposed to mean, but no so sure she wanted clarification.

* * *

It was nearing two thirty in the morning and Lena still wasn’t back in their dorm room. Kara was trying to ignore that fact, but she was laying awake in the dark instead. She could hear Lena’s heartbeat and it was the same rhythm as it always was when she slept, but Lena hadn’t returned to their room yet. She shouldn’t even care, it wasn’t a big deal, but Lena wasn’t the type to have friends, so Kara didn’t know where she could be sleeping if not in their room.

She opened her phone to send her a Facebook message, but decided against it. If they weren’t even close enough to have exchanged phone numbers they certainly weren’t close enough for Kara to be checking up on her. Besides, she could hear the heartbeat, so she wasn’t in danger, she was sleeping somewhere. Just not there. 

“Stop tossing and turning,” Alex moaned from the other half of the twin sized bed, keeping her eyes close and sounding disgruntled. “I can’t sleep when you keep moving. This is a tiny bed.”

“Sorry,” Kara mumbled, turning so that her back was facing Alex and she was facing Lena’s empty bed, pondering where the girl that drove her so crazy could be. 

At seven, Kara finally rolled out of bed, stretching as if she’d been sleeping all night instead of lying awake. She didn’t know _why_ she was lying awake instead of resting. Lena was impossible. She was rude, she was unkind, she was inconsiderate, she was probably worse than the worst roommate Kara could have imagined… but she was also always asleep on the bed next to her, every night, without fail. Except for that night. 

She went out to grab coffee, coming back with a cup for Alex. In the end, it went untouched as Alex slept for another three hours - not that Kara could blame her. It was a Friday and she didn’t have work. Kara was supposed to have class, but with the lack of sleep she doubted she’d be able to pay attention even if she had went. 

It was two in the afternoon when the dark haired girl finally returned to the dorm room. By then she had been gone for over twenty-four hours, doing god knows what at who knows where, Kara was trying not to wonder.

“Oh - uh…” Lena looked around the door room, looking at Alex briefly, then Kara. “Sorry, I didn’t know she was - I’ll be back later.”

“You can-“

But she was already gone. 

Kara turned around to see Alex laughing so hard at her that she almost lost her breath. When she regained enough of her composure to form words she looked more than amused. “I never thought I’d see someone scared of _you_.”

“What?” Kara furrowed her eyebrows, looking to the door that was now shut again. “I - Lena is not scared of me! If anything it’s the other way around and she knows it. She’s terrifying.”

“Well, apparently so are you,” she stifled a laugh.

Kara looked down, fiddling with her glasses for a moment. “She just doesn't like me.”

“Uh – no,” Alex negated immediately, standing up and putting her hands on her hips with a smirk. “That girl practically trembled.”

“Alex–”

“Don't give me that look,” she warned. “I know what I saw and–”

“ _And_ it was nothing,” Kara kindly finished the sentence for her. “I am not scary. And Lena doesn't get scared.”

Alex rose her eyebrows, but stayed silent, her smirk growing bigger. 

“She doesn't,” Kara repeated firmly at the disbelieving look. “She really doesn't.”

“When you repeat it three times it becomes less convincing,” Alex laughed. “You can see things from miles away. Take a closer look and see what's right in front of you. But anyway. Enough about her, God knows you already talk about her enough. Can we get lunch or something?”

Kara lit up both from the conversation being over and the mention of food. “Which place do you want to go to next? I have five more places I want you to try!”

* * *

She didn’t try to come back again until eleven at night, but despite how tired Kara was from her lack of sleep the night before, she refused to doze off before Lena returned. The door opened and she saw green eyes hesitantly peek in, only opening the door further when she saw Kara was alone.

“I didn’t know you were going to feel like you had to leave the room,” Kara instantly spoke up, not meaning for her words sound as cold as they did when they poured out. 

Lena didn’t look at her, just making a straight dash to her bed, throwing her briefcase down and pulling out her laptop. She typed in the password quicker than Kara could type in a single letter, her voice sounding bored and disinterested. “I said she could come over.”

“And I was supposed to assume that meant I was kicking you out for the night?”

“Why would I possibly want to spend time with two Danvers? One is enough for me, thank you.” Kara gawked, then Lena rolled her eyes for the billionth time. “It was a joke.”

“Your humor is rude.”

Lena still didn’t look over to her, too engrossed in something on her computer to even bother replying.

“You’re impossible,” Kara let out a sarcastic laugh, shaking her head. “You disappear for nearly forty-eight hours--“

“That’s not accurate math.“

“—then waltz back in as if you haven’t been gone and you’ve been sleeping God knows where—“

“I’ve been in the library. I had a quantum physics exam this morning and had to bust my ass, my apologies if it’s not as simple as sentence structures or mass media.”

“And now you’re feeding me a stupid story and insulting my intelligence, _real_ nice.”

The girl on the other bed finally turned, focusing on Kara. “You’re plenty smart, you’re just wasting it on journalism. You could be a billionaire if you chose a different major. You have the brains for it.”

“I’d rather do something I love.”

Lena rose then lowered her eyebrows, nodding to herself. “And that’s the difference between me and you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Money isn’t a bad thing,” she fought. “You can have money and still be happy.”

“A quantum physics class would _not_ make me happy,” she disputed, furrowing her eyebrow. “You seriously think money will make you happy?”

She shrugged the question off as if it wasn’t a challenge to her beliefs. “It’ll certainly make me happier than I am now, won’t it?”

Kara didn’t know how to answer. She didn’t know Lena was unhappy now. She seemed well put together, well accomplished, not well liked, but that could come if she tweaked her personality a bit. 

“Exactly,” she muttered, taking the silence to mean something it didn’t. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have studying to do.”

She bit back a million bitter comments that were dying to roll off her tongue. “Right. I’ll let you get to that.”

“Appreciated.”

* * *

They had each packed clothes in silence, finals already completed and the atmosphere of Christmas finally able to sink in with the elimination of the stress school brought. Kara had plenty of things she was excited for. The first one was she would finally have almost an entire month to spend with Alex. The second one was getting gifts. The third one was the Christmas feast and hot chocolate and marshmallows and candy canes and Hershey’s kisses and everyone getting drunk while she laughed at them making fools of themselves. The last one was it’d be nice to get away from this hellhole of a room.

Lena stood up straighter, grabbing the few items of clothing she was taking back home with her for the holidays. 

“I don’t think that’ll last you until you come back,” Kara noted.

“I have more clothes at home.”

She tried not to look stunned at that, but it was hard not to with the overflowing closet in the corner. “You have _more_?” 

“Oh, loads more,” she confirmed. “I don’t have time to discuss my wardrobe, though. I have a long drive, so if you’ll excuse me.”

Her voice was rushed and raspy and everything Lena. Kara nodded, just glad she’d be able to have a few weeks of freedom from the dryness that Lena Luthor exuded. 

“Well,” Kara held up a quick hand. “Have fun over the holidays.”

“Always,” she mumbled, walking out the door without another word. “Happy Holidays, I guess?”

Kara stared after her as the door shut, almost waiting for her to come back and give a better goodbye.

She never did.


	2. freshman year: pt. 2

If Kara thought Lena seemed hostile before, she came back from break with a vengeance. Kara didn’t think it was possible for someone to be more cranky than Lena already was, but the girl found a way to top herself - every area of herself. 

“Hey,” she grunted as she walked into the room, throwing the green duffel bag she had left with onto the bed before sitting at the desk and turning her back to Kara.

“How was your break?” Kara asked, trying to be friendly. She had vowed she’d at least _try_ to get along with Lena this semester, even if she was a lost cause. 

Lena looked at her out of the corner of her eye before rolling them, her voice coming out exhausted. “Why do you ask, Kara?”

“I - what do you mean?” she stammered out. Christmas must have made her speak Lena less fluently, because she had no idea why her question would be answered with another question filled with hostility. Lena stared into her soul, her eyes appearing guarded and cold. “I’m trying to be _nice_ , Lena. You should try it.”

That only made her look down and grumble. “I don’t need people to be nice to me, okay?” 

“You can’t fault people for treating you kindly,” Kara accused. “If you want to be mad at the world, that’s fine, but I’m not. You can’t get mad at me for being a decent human being.”

Lena let out a dry laugh, slowly lifting her gaze back to Kara’s, her voice low and raspy. “Are you saying I’m not a decent human being?”

“I’m saying you’re cold to people and don’t know how to have a civil conversation,” she confirmed, her heart pounding in her chest at the confrontation, at the words she’d been dying to say since day one. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you.”

“So, what? I owe it to you to be best friends just because you haven’t been mean to me?” she remarked, her eyes daring Kara to agree. “You’re nice, I’m not disputing that, but I’ve told you numerous times that I’m not here for friends.”

Kara crossed her arms, sitting up straighter on the bed. “Then why are you here?”

“To learn, get a degree and help run LuthorCorp.” 

“You’re - oh. You’re _that_ Luthor. I didn’t know you were - oh, alright.”

Over the past five months, Kara had seen a lot of nasty expressions fall upon Lena’s face, but she had never seen such a darkness come on so quickly. “And what is that supposed to mean, exactly?”

“I just didn’t know you were an heir.”

“I’m hardly an heir,” she muttered with one of their mutually famous eye rolls. 

Kara looked her over, studying every intricate detail of the girl through her lead framed glasses. She looked at Lena’s lack of eye contact, her tight expression, her perfect posture even as she sat on a bed… for the first time she saw a sad picture, not a bitchy one. 

“Do you want to work for your family’s company when you graduate?”

“I love business, I love engineering, I love logistics,” Lena answered, sounding incredibly bored with the conversation.

Reaching up a hand, Kara readjusted her glasses on her nose. Her voice came out gentle. “That’s not what I asked, though.”

Lena whipped around to face her, giving her a look of pure disbelief. “Why wouldn’t I want to work for my family’s company? It’s a huge success.”

Without missing a beat, Kara shrugged. “You’re angrier than usual just from me bringing it up.”

“Because you’re being nosy and intrusive and a little rude, might I add,” she hissed, her eyes narrowing. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“Do you really want me to?” 

Lena stared at her, thousands of expressions crossing through her grassy eyes before she bolted upright off the bed, shoving her laptop and various textbooks into her backpack, making her dramatic exit. “Fuck you. I don’t want friends.”

* * *

It took three entire days for Lena to return to the dorm room. Kara had no idea where she went, especially considering she had made it beyond clear to her that she didn’t have or want friends. She tried not to care about where she was or what she was feeling, but Kara was a fixer. She wanted to fix things and she honestly didn’t mean to make Lena so angry. 

The door opened and Lena walked in, cool and collected as always. She didn’t meet eyes with Kara or even look Kara’s way, simply going to her bed. She had on a different pair of clothes, still looking prim and proper as always. She must have sneaked into the room when she knew Kara wouldn’t be there, because she looked much too put together to have been a straggler the past few days. 

Kara watched as she sat at the desk, her back to Kara once again. At this point, Kara was pretty sure she knew that side of her better than her front. She pulled up Facebook and Kara almost choked at how normal that seemed. Lena appeared to be mostly robot, so it was odd to see her do typical millennial things like log into a Facebook account. 

“Done with your tantrum?” Kara tried to tease.

She was greeted with silence, watching as Lena quickly bored of social media and pulled up what looked like an academic journal. 

“I’m sorry,” Kara revised her carefree tone, trying to make sure she sounded as sincere as she felt. “I didn’t mean to invade your privacy and-“

“I don’t need an apology.”

She couldn’t help but bite out the comment. “Seems like you do.”

Lena swiveled around in the desk chair, resting her hands on the arm rests. “You don’t know me. You don’t know my life, you don’t know anything about me.”

“Who’s fault is that?” 

Her eyes glared for a moment, then she shook her head. “I had a bad break, okay? Will you leave me alone now?”

She spun back around in the chair, but Kara’s eyes stayed fixated on her back. She scrolled through the journal, but Kara was positive that even Lena couldn’t read that quickly. 

“Why was it bad?”

“Because—“

“Don’t yell at me,” she warned firmly before Lena could get worked up again.

She still didn’t turn around, but she let out a heavy sigh, resting her head in her hands. “My family and I don’t get along. Is that all you needed to know, or?”

“At all?” 

“ _No_ ,” she replied sharply before softening again. “I used to get along with my brother, but… he was different over break. He was my only reason for going home, but he’s losing his god damn mind or something, I don’t really know. I’m the odd one out in my family without a doubt and the cliche misunderstood teenager. It's stupid.”

Lena didn’t need to turn around for Kara to try to imagine what her normally defensive expression looked like when it was upset. 

“Is that all the information you needed to extract? I need to study.”

Kara debated if she should, but in the end she followed her gut. She got up, moving to sit on the end of Lena’s bed that went up to where the desk was. “As your not-friend, I’m sorry your break was shitty. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong—“

“Do you?” Lena spat out with fury, her eyes boring into Kara. “You and your perfect relationship with your sister really taught you that, right?”

“I was adopted when I was thirteen,” she told her bluntly, enjoying the way Lena's face of anger immediately fell into an expression of remorse. “So, yeah, I think I do. Or is that not a sufficient enough reason to feel like an outcast in your book?”

It was silent for a few moments before Lena leaned back in the desk chair, facing Kara dead on again. “I’m sorry.”

She just nodded, not having anything to say. 

“I didn’t mean to assume.”

“You don’t know anything about me either,” Kara told her grimly. “Don’t think you do.”

Lena flittered her eyes downwards for a minute before letting them return to Kara. “You’re just… you don’t seem damaged.”

“You are hardly damaged, don’t be melodramatic,” Kara mumbled, causing Lena to at least fight back her own smile. “Just because bad things happen doesn’t mean you need to be cold to cope.”

“Sounds… optimistic,” Lena muttered. 

Kara laughed, standing up off the bed that wasn’t hers and grabbing her backpack. “I have class. Good talk, though, who knew you had in in you? My optimism will be back at three if you need another dose.”

She didn’t miss the eye roll or sarcastic tone to the teasing. “Yeah, right. I’ll be sure to let you know.”

* * *

Kara thought Lena was cold to her, but after walking into their room and interrupting a phone call she was having with her mother, Kara quickly saw that Lena was actually being quite nice. Her tone was apathetic towards the woman on the other end of the phone, an eye roll coming out every ten seconds, her jaw and fists clenched. It suddenly hit her that the version of Lena she’d been seeing, the girl she viewed as uptight and anal, was actually the relaxed version of Lena Luthor. What a terrifying realization that was.

“Sorry,” Lena muttered as she ended the call. “I didn’t know you’d be back.”

She smirked at that, tilting her head to the side. “Do you usually time your phone calls with her around my class schedule?”

“I do, actually,” she muttered. “That was us getting along. She’s a real piece of work, I swear to God.”

Kara gazed at her, unsure if she was about to have her head bitten off at the question. “What’s she mad about today?”

Lena studied her, an internal debate clearly present before she finally let out a sigh. “What are your views on aliens?”

“Aliens?” Kara choked a little. “Like? Define aliens.”

“You ever hear of Superman? He’s in Metropolis.”

Kara pretended to think a little before nodding, feeling the sweat on the palms of her hands. “Yeah, I think I read an article about him once.”

“My family is obsessed with the guy — especially my brother.”

She knew she was teetering on dangerous territory and she had to stop herself from flying right out of the room in order to escape it. She wanted so badly for someone outside of Alex and Eliza to know about her powers, but topics like this made her glad they didn’t. 

“In a good way?”

“So they claim,” she dragged out. “I know my family, though. I don’t trust them. I only hope Superman knows what he’s doing. My brother is the only person I’ve ever been close to, but he has a dark side.”

Kara gulped, scratching her forearm out of nervousness. “And you think they might try to take him down?”

“In one way or another,” she sighed. “I hope not, but my family isn’t exactly level headed.”

“Oh, good to know it’s genetic and not just you,” Kara couldn’t help but throw out. She watched Lena actually chuckle at that. “Do you feel that way?”

Lena furrowed her eyebrows, trying to decipher that question before giving up and asking for clarification. “What way?”

“Obsessed with aliens.”

“Oh,” she shook her head, giving out a dramatic eye roll. “They’re idiots if they think they can take him down and they’re idiots if they even want to. They have trust issues that go beyond Earth, so I wouldn’t put it past them. But, no. I have better things to do than make up conspiracy theories about innocent people.”

Kara felt her heart lighten at that.

As if she realized what was happening, Lena turned around again. “I have homework.”

“I’m not trying to be your friend, don’t worry,” Kara laughed. “I wouldn’t dare.”

“Glad you understand boundaries. Be careful, though, you seem like you’re about to trip over them.”

This time, it wasn’t a question as Kara let out a laugh. “That’s a joke.”

She saw Lena’s head move up and down from behind her. “You’re catching on.”

* * *

“So, update in the roommate situation,” Kara greeted when Alex finally answered her phone.

She heard a familiar voice sounding amused, which provided instant comfort. “And what would the roommate from hell be up to now?”

“I think she’s socially inept,” she announced. “I don’t think anyone taught her how to socialize as a child.”

“Kara,” Alex warned. “I love you, but you give people the benefit of the doubt a lot. She might just be a bitch.”

“She likes aliens,” she blurted out.

It was silent until her sister finally answered. “And that means…?”

“Her family is awful. They secretly hate Kal El, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t feel like she fits in anywhere with them and doesn’t get along—“

“Kara, this is not something you want to bond over with her,” she instantly began her lecture. “If her family feels that way she could feel that way deep down. Walk away while you can. I already didn’t trust her, but now I really don’t.”

“But I do,” Kara argued. “I mean, it makes sense. She doesn’t feel like anyone accepts her so she blocks everyone out, right?”

“You should consider a psychology major,” Alex mused.

The younger, yet technically older Danvers sister just groaned. “Alex, I’m serious. I think she could be nice under the whole heartless thing she has going on.”

“It’s not your responsibility to find out,” she told her pointedly. “Keep your distance. The last thing you need is her finding out and ruining everything. There’s a reason your powers are a secret.”

Kara stayed silent at the sore reminder that she would never truly get to be open with anyone. 

She heard Alex sigh on the other end of the phone. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, okay?”

She found herself defending the girl she had hated with everything in her the prior semester. “She’s not a bad person, you know?”

“Well, she’s certainly not a good one.”

* * *

At eleven in the morning on a Sunday Lena waltzed through the dorm room, making an entrance and walking with a purpose as always. As if it was the most casual, normal thing she’d ever done she placed a cup of coffee down on Kara’s desk where she was working before going to her own desk.

She stared at it for a moment, not exactly sure what to make of that. 

“Here,” Lena came back once she placed her own coffee on her desk, digging through her purse and pulling out multiple different colored packets. “I also brought you sugar because you don’t seem hardcore enough to drink black coffee.”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Kara admitted. 

“It’s been over two weeks since I told you about my family and no news sources knows of my distaste,” she explained. “I brought you coffee to thank you. It’s not a big deal.”

She found herself gawking at the first portion of that statement. “Why would I run to a news source?” 

“You’re a journalist, Kara,” Lena laughed. “We both know the value of what I told you. The golden Luthor family isn’t as picture perfect as they appear? I know you know what that could do.”

There was no disputing that. She took off the lid to the coffee, beginning to deposit every packet of sugar into the drink. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know,” Lena nodded. “That’s why I spent a dollar and ninety-four cents on you.”

* * *

It was nearing midterms and Kara decided she’d just go for it. She looked up from her phone, asking the question before she could change her mind.

“You wanna go out tonight?”

She laughed as Lena almost choked. “What?”

“With me and my friends,” she explained. “You wanna go out?”

“Do I ever go out?” she asked with an amused smile.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

Lena laughed a little, shaking her head. “I’ll sit this one out. Thanks, though.”

“Yeah,” Kara nodded, beginning to get an outfit ready. “Maybe next time.”

* * *

“You’re really gonna stay here for the entire break?” Kara asked again. “You’re gonna miss Easter. And it’s gonna be so lonely.”

“I prefer the word quiet,” Lena smirked back, holding a mechanical pencil in one hand and notebook in her lap. “No one here to snore.”

“I hardly snore,” she quickly scoffed at the insinuation. 

She shook her head with something that almost resembled a teasing smile. “Of course you don’t.”

“Come with me,” Kara offered.

Lena’s eyes widened at the suggestion before she found the appropriate wry comment. “As fun as that sounds, I’ll pass.”

“You shouldn’t be spending Easter alone. I promise, my family isn’t nearly as impossible as yours. And we have great food.”

“While I’m not surprised you’re focused on the food, seeing as you’re always eating,” she motioned to the pop tart in Kara’s hand, “I’m not a family person. I don’t get along with mine and I don’t get along with other people never mind entire families.”

“You get along with me.”

Lena appeared to get lost in thought at the statement before returning to Earth with an eye roll. “I tolerate you.”

“We both know I’m rubbing off on you,” she defied the nonchalance Lena was trying to exhibit. “You haven’t even insulted me in like, five hours.”

“I’m not that mean to you.”

Kara laughed, Lena scowled.

“I don’t _try_ to be,” she promised, her voice laced with defensiveness. “Now that I know you’re not trying to be annoying and overly nice and it’s just the way you are I’m trying to be nicer.”

“Ah, the failed sense of humor is back,” Kara muttered with a grin. “One day, you’re going to be so infatuated with me that you won’t know how to insult me.”

“I don’t know, you have a lot of material to work insults into.”

Her jaw dropped a little as Lena actually laughed at the reaction, something that had only happened a few times before.

“Have a good break, Kara,” she said goodbye abruptly, turning back to her schoolwork. 

Kara sighed, trying to hide her frustration. Every time the conversation even started to trend towards being warmhearted or, dare Kara say the word, _friendly_ , Lena seemed to notice and shut down again. 

She stood up and went to get her travel bag as Lena turned a page in her notebook, scribbling something down. She heard a page being ripped out and watched as Lena folded it and held it out to her.

“My number. In case you need it. But don’t abuse the privilege of having it.”

Trying to hide her surprise at the gesture, Kara nodded as she took it. “I wouldn’t dare.”

* * *

Kara tried not to frown when she returned to school to an empty dorm room. She had told Lena via text that she’d be back at four on Monday after enjoying spring break. She had wrongly assumed that Lena would be there to greet her. She knew she said they weren’t friends, but at least they weren’t enemies anymore and Lena saying ‘See you then’ led her to crazily believe she’d be there.

“Why did I bother?” she muttered, throwing her bag down and taking out the clothes she’d managed to wash at home. 

As she was putting them away, Lena bound through the door, giving out a small grin. “I guess you beat me here. I went to get food. I figured it was a long train ride seeing as it’s the day after the holiday. I assumed it would be busy.”

She didn’t think she’d ever seen Lena be the one between the two of them to ramble.

“I got you a bacon cheeseburger.”

“You should’ve led with that,” Kara laughed in bewilderment, taking the bag from Lena and sitting on the floor.

Like a true spoiled rich girl, Lena sat on the bed. 

“You can sit on the floor, you know? I’m sure you took advantage of me being gone and cleaned the room, so I know it’s not dirty.”

She gave a look of distaste and an eye roll, but slowly lowered herself onto the floor and took out a container with a salad inside for herself. 

As Kara unwrapped the aluminum foil around the burger, she glanced up at the dark haired girl with piercing eyes, finding the courage to say what all the food was telling her. “You missed me, huh?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she shot back, mixing Italian dressing into her salad. “I knew you’d be hungry.”

“And you wanted to eat with me because you missed me,” she pushed.

Lena looked up, meeting her eyes with enjoyment laced through them. “It was a little _too_ quiet without you, I guess.”

Kara leaned back against the bed, humming with delight, “Because you missed me.”

* * *

“This is the last weekend before cramming season starts,” Kara mentioned as she straightened her hair in their full length mirror. 

Lena glanced up, then gave a curt nod. “I’m glad you’re planning to study this semester.”

“Very funny,” she mumbled.

The girl just chuckled at her own joke. “I thought so too.”

“Come have fun,” she pleaded. “Not as friends, just as college kids shooting darts and eating pizza.”

“Sounds friendly,” Lena argued. “Look, I get that me and you have this weird thing going on where we _could_ be considered friends if someone were to look hard enough, but I don’t want to be that way with all your new boy toys.”

“They are not—Lucy will be there too!” 

Lena looked over at her with amusement, ignoring the mention of Lucy’s presence. “You can’t seriously be blind enough to miss how they look at you.”

“We’re friends,” she shrugged. “People never like me like that, _trust_ me. “Come out with us.”

“Everyone likes you, don’t kid yourself,” Lena laughed, still blatantly not addressing the invitation Kara was giving out. “You’re preppy, bubbly and pretty - guys eat that shit up.”

Kara looked down with a smile for a moment. “Complimenting me isn’t an answer, but thank you. Don’t do it again, though, it’s weird coming from you.”

“I’m a very complimentary person,” Lena fought, but the knowing smile assured Kara that even she knew how false that statement was. “I'm trying to be.”

“Good, it’s about time you start trying,” she laughed, going closer and nudging her a little. “So, will you come?”

It was silent and Kara was honestly surprised. While she honestly did want Lena to come she didn’t think she’d actually think about it. She was even more surprised when she agreed.

“I guess, but you can’t get mad at me if I don’t like them.”

“You don’t like anyone, I won’t be offended,” Kara taunted, getting up and pulling out a shirt. “This is a t-shirt. People wear them to casual get togethers. You put it on like a normal shirt, most people think it’s comfy, so-“

“Fucking smartass,” she muttered, grabbing the purple shirt out of her hand as the blonde laughed. 

Kara’s voice was so genuine that it surprised them both. “I’m really glad you’re coming.”

* * *

“So,” Kara trailed off, watching as Lena perfectly taped her boxes and carried a pile of junk food that was unopened onto Kara’s bed. “You sure you don’t want help bringing that to your car?”

Lena glanced from Kara to the boxes to Kara to the boxes to Kara to the boxes until, “Sure.”

Kara hid the unexpectedness of the answer, simply hopping off her bed and grabbing a box, going with Lena to bring it down. Once they were done they both sat on Kara’s bed, side by side, Kara eating peanut M&Ms with Lena occasionally grabbing one. 

“Thanks for helping me score an A in biology.”

“Thanks for helping me not be a bitch,” the lower voice replied. 

Kara couldn’t help but laugh at the blunt and honest rebuttal. “It’s still a work in progress.”

“Fair enough,” Lena accepted. 

They sat in silence, not having much to say. It was the end of their freshman year. It had been rocky, but it had been a year nonetheless. Even though Lena could still be rigid, she could also be a pretty good confidant.

“It’s gonna be a long summer without you after we finally started getting along this semester,” Lena confessed. “I don’t usually get along with people.”

“Shocker,” Kara smirked as Lena lightly shoved her. “I hope summer's not as bad as you think it’ll be.”

“Who says I think it’ll be bad?”

“Do you?”

Lena didn’t answer, instead just smiling as Kara pulled her knees to her chest and leaned her head on Lena’s shoulder. 

“I know you hate it, but I’m figuring you out,” Kara tried to say it with humor, being fully aware that Lena truly did hate that. “It’ll be okay. It’s only three months.”

“Three months with my mother is a long time,” she let out a defeated sigh. “Especially after living the majority of the past nine months having you to answer to.”

“Maybe she’ll surprise you.”

Lena slowly shook her head, looking away. “Not everyone is as good as you, Kara.”

Something about the purity and authenticity of the statement caught Kara’s breath for a moment, something that hadn’t happened before. She didn’t have much time to process the words before Lena was moving to stand up again, grabbing her purse and cell phone and giving a sad smile. “I’ll see ya.”

She started walking to the door with the same purpose as aways, but stopped when she reached it. She turned back, walking to the bed and wrapping her arms around Kara’s body in a hug. “Thanks for not being as terrible of a roommate second semester.”

Kara laughed as they pulled out of their first hug, facing her with a smile. “I’ll miss rooming with you, believe it or not.”

“Or not,” Lena managed to display her signature smirk. “I’ll see you around campus next year?”

“I’ll text you,” Kara promised. “You’re finally being a human. I can’t let your family ruin all my progress.”

She nodded her head at that, giving a smile that seemed to be so much softer than it was nine months ago. “I’ll hold you to that.”


	3. sophomore year: pt. 1

Over the summer Kara had finally gotten Lena to warm up. It took until mid-July, but she had even convinced Lena to get a Snapchat, which she considered quite the accomplishment. She was Millennializing her by the second. Granted, she had to ask her five times a day for an entire week, but she had accomplished it nonetheless and that was all that really mattered. They now had a fire emoji with a 22 behind it and that was yet another sign that Lena and her were definitely, without a doubt friends.

It was nice to get closer over the summer. Lena had let her walls down with the passing days apart, her texts becoming longer, kinder and more frequent. Kara tried not to be stunned and enjoyed the vulnerability she was providing as she probed further into topics that Lena brought up, laughing when a sarcastic comment was the response and beyond intrigued when Lena gave her glimpses of what was behind the odd sense of humor. It certainly wasn’t the stone cold bitch she had first pegged her for.

As she drove onto campus with Alex, who was rambling on about how _her_ sophomore year was way better than her freshman year and all her friends would agree, Kara looked around the familiar setting with disappointment that she wasn’t walking into another dorm room with Lena this year. Last year she had dreaded the thought of sharing a room with someone who couldn’t even reply to a simple Facebook message, yet this year was a completely different story. Maybe it was because Lena usually replied within minutes now, maybe it was because she was a little too interested in her, but either way there was something alluring that made her keep her eyes peeled for black hair and pasty skin.

“You’re not even listening to me,” Alex muttered as she pulled into the lot for the dorms.

Kara took a look at her phone, frowning a little when Lena still hadn’t replied. It had been hours and while she knew Lena had a long drive to get to campus it was still annoying when she had to go so long without their meaningless banter.

“Sorry, I’m just nervous,” Kara put on a polite smile.

Her sister saw through that, her face filled with amusement. “ _Right_. You’re not looking for Lena, you’re observing the campus you’ve already lived at because you’re nervous. Of course.”

“I have lots of friends,” she defended. “I could be looking for anyone, not just Lena.”

“You could be, but you’re not,” Alex retorted flatly, getting out of the SUV and opening the trunk. “You’re lucky Mom isn’t here, she’d be hounding you to finally meet her if she saw this puppy dog state.”

“I am _not_ a puppy dog,” Kara held up a finger with warning before bending down to start lifting things to bring upstairs. “I’ve missed the girl I lived with for nine months. Can you blame me?”

“You hated her for five of those months.”

Kara looked down with a sheepish smile, casually shrugging her shoulders at the reminder. “She’s an acquired taste.”

As they entered the dorm room Kara expected to see Lucy waiting, but instead she walked in to find Lena Luthor in the flesh, sprawled out on a bed.

“I picked this bed for you because it’s comfier and this side of the room has a better vibe. Lucy is showing her parents around campus. I think she’s scared of me, actually, she left right when I walked it. It’s flattering.”

“She would be here,” Kara heard Alex mutter under her breath.

She wasn’t sure if Alex was being loud or if it was her super hearing, but judging by Lena’s expression not shifting she was guessing it was her hearing.

“You are fairly terrifying, I agree,” Kara smiled.

She didn’t fail to realize that Lena had not only gotten to campus early this year, but she had also personally came to see Kara right away. Things change. This wasn’t freshman year.

The girl before her just shook her head, sitting up on the bed and letting Kara place her things down. “I’m hardly terrifying.”

“Anymore,” Kara finished for her.

Lena and Alex stared at each other, both of them seeming to be ready for a fight as it dawned on Kara why they exchanged greetings yet. “Alex! This is Lena. Lena, Alex. My sister.”

One of them softened, the other did not. Alex just started at the hand Lena held out for a moment before she hesitantly shook it. Kara frowned at the awkward moment, knowing it probably just dented Lena’s built up, yet secretly fragile ego a little more. She didn’t know why Alex was acting cold. She knew her sister had given her a hard time in the car, but she thought she was teasing her, not actually frowning upon the only person Kara would consider a best friend.

When they walked out to get more boxes Kara was immediately hissing with fury. “What the hell was that, Alex?”

They stepped on the elevator, staying quiet as they were surrounded with other students. When they got off Alex kept up her brisk pace until Kara was grabbing her arm. “Alex!”

“I don’t like her,” she shrugged, tugging on Kara’s grip until she let her go. “I don’t trust her and I don’t like her.”

“You could’ve told me that before you were so rude,” Kara continued, unable to hide her absolute rage with the situation. If Alex didn’t like Lucy or Winn or James that would be perfectly fine, but this was _Lena_. Kara had told her so many things about her and none of them warranted this response. “She probably thinks-“

“That I don’t like her,” Alex summed it up blankly, appearing to be unfazed by the anger in front of her. “Which is true. I don’t.”

Kara stopped them both, crossing her arms and demanding answers. “Why don’t you like her?”

“I have a friend in with the FBI,” she told her slowly, calculating her words. “I asked him to look up Lena’s name in the system. Her brother is in deep. Really deep. They’re building a case against him based on his views on aliens - which means _you_ , so I know you like her, but you need to stay away from that. You don’t know if she’s secretly working with them.”

“She wouldn’t do that.”

“You don’t know if that’s true.”

She had no doubt in her mind. “She wouldn’t. Who’s your FBI intel friend anyway? He sounds incredibly illegitimate. He can’t just give out classified information.”

Alex paused, looking Kara over before turning around and heading to the car again. “You don’t know him. Just trust me.”

“I know all your friends.”

“Not this one,” she shrugged off. “He’s - Just drop it. You don’t know him.”

Kara held up her hands at Alex’s frustrated tone, nodding her head. “Alright, alright. I don’t know him.”

She changed her demeanor from frustrated to gentle in a heartbeat. “All I’m saying is be careful, okay? I won’t be here to protect you and I know you’re going to want to tell Lena about your powers.”

“I don’t need protection,” Kara quickly defended herself. “I’m a big girl, Alex. I made it through all of last year without you.”

“You did, but you also didn’t care about her as much as you do now,” she pointed out, her lips turning into a thin line. “I don’t trust her with anything, especially not you.”

“I trust her with everything I’ve got,” Kara shrugged. “I think that’s all that matters.”

* * *

“Your sister doesn't like me,” Lena announced as if Kara somehow missed that memo when they’d met.

She looked over at her, getting uncomfortable from seeing Lena feel visibly awkward about the situation. She was so good at looking composed all the time, despite her external surroundings, that it was odd to see her squirming with discomfort.

“She just… looked into your family, apparently.”

Lena’s guard was suddenly up, her voice blazing with anger. “She looked into it or you relay everything I tell you to her?”

Without getting worked up, Kara just shot her a look of warning back. “Tone it down. She looked into it. Apparently she has a friend in the FBI.”

“I thought you knew all her friends.”

Kara gritted her teeth together, still bitter about that herself. “So did I.”

Looking down, Lena nodded, before briskly getting up and walking out of the room. “It's been nice.”

Kara didn't know what the hell she had missed in the half a second it took Lena to act like she was saying a permanent goodbye, but it must have been something.

“Where are you going?”

“Your sister doesn't like me,” she said without turning around, her voice protected and cool. “I get it. Blood is thicker than water.”

“I don't like half of my sister’s friends,” Kara laughed, finally piecing the puzzle together of why she was suddenly feeling like she was about to be ditched. “Lena, if you wanna get rid of me you're going to have to say it, not use my sister for an excuse.”

That had her spinning around, a testy expression on her face and a finger pointing in her direction. “I do _not_ want to get rid of you and I don't appreciate the insinuation that I do.”

Kara shook her head, walking towards her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Don't pick a fight with me when we've been back for like, two hours. I want pizza and to see your room.”

“You made fun of me all of last year for having a boring half of the room. You don't want to see it.”

“I do,” Kara argued, going and grabbing a smaller box that she had set on the floor during her own unpacking process. “I brought you decorations this year. We have work to do.”

“I'm not decorating my room.”

Kara laughed at Lena’s crossed arms and stern face, feeling more powerful knowing that she could see through the tough exterior than she ever did flying through the sky.

“You're decorating your room, Lena. Whether we spend a half hour arguing about it is your choice.”

“You're seriously going to push this?” she asked with all the attitude Kara expected her to have.

She simply smiled with excitement, rapidly nodding her head. “Oh, I am.”

Lena took a step closer, peeking into the box. “These are ugly decorations.”

“Then I guess you'll have to deal with an ugly room.”

She watched Lena purse her lips before giving up. “I'm gonna kill you one day.”

She rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh at her own joke that Lena wouldn't get. “I'd like to see you try.”

“I could, you know?”

“I'm sure,” she mocked. “Now, c’mon, Angry Girl. We have to make your room ugly ASAP because I'm starving.”

“We can get food before, you know?”

She shook her head at Lena’s offer, making sure to sound just as melodramatic as the girl in front of her was acting. “But then what reward would I have for listening to you huff and puff while we decorate?”

“You're the one making me huff and puff,” she pointed out flatly.

Kara softly patted her cheek, laughing all the while. “And I'm enjoying it quite a bit so far. Let's go.”

* * *

Lena sat on her bed and groaned as her door swung open to reveal Kara’s overly perky face. Kara couldn't help but be amused at the sight of it, enjoying watching Lena look like a typical student as she looked frustrated with the information in a textbook. Usually she had the pages memorized after simply glancing at them.

“Is your genius brain not comprehending something?”

“Tell me _why_ I have to take a philosophy class for my degree,” she bit out with fury. “This is stupid, made up and it gives me a headache.”

“You can go through two semesters of quantum physics without a sweat, but you're worried about passing a _philosophy_ course?” Kara clarified. “Lena, pull it together. You're fine.”

“Easy for you to say, you're all open minded and worldly,” she motioned with exasperated hands flying everywhere. “I'm good at math. And science. And writing business proposals if I really have to. I'm not good at reading about made up wives tales.”

“Why do you think they're made up?”

She gave Kara a look as if it was a stupid question. “Half of history is made up.”

“I don't think that's true,” she dragged out slowly. “What do you need help with? My worldliness self will help you.”

Lena stared blankly as if the suggestion was spoken in another language. “I don't need _help_. I'm plenty competent, I just don't like the subject.”

“Lena, it's helping with a subject you don't even care about, it says nothing about competence, it's called making your life easier,” she crossed her arms at how difficult this girl was somehow able to make nearly everything she did. “You say _thank you_ , I help you out, then you help me with my statistics class later on when we get to things more difficult than finding the mean and median of data sets.”

The internal debate Lena had was painful to watch, but she eventually let out a sigh. “I have one condition.”

“Usually it's the tutor who lays down conditions, but go ahead,” Kara muttered.

She rose her eyebrows at the sass Kara had developed lately, crossing her arms. “You tell no one – and I mean _no one_ – that you helped me with this.”

“And ruin your reputation of knowing everything there is to know in the world? I wouldn't dare.”

Lena laughed and scooted over on the bed, giving Kara a place to sit. “Fine. Don't give me a headache and simplify this as much as you can. That's all I ask.”

* * *

“I'm going out with Winn and James. You wanna come?”

Lena looked from Kara to the pile of homework that was already completed.

“You already told me you've done it all,” Kara read her mind.

She watched a scowl cross Lena’s face as she turned with a tight smile. “Remind me not to brag about that next time.”

“Come out with us. We’re going to Pete’s.”

“I'm trying to eat healthy,” she tried to excuse herself. “You do realize what a bad influence you are, right?”

“You've told me once or twice,” Kara promised. “I know you love me, though, so come out tonight. It's almost midterms and you haven't been out with us once.”

Lena bit her lip, trying to get Kara to understand. “Your friends don't like me.”

“Yes, they do,” she assured her. “They want to know you better.”

“Because they're in love with you, of course they say they want to know me, that doesn’t mean they do,” she groaned at Kara’s naivety. “They want to sleep with you. Or date you, I don't really know, but it’s one or the other.”

“Just for that comment you're coming,” she narrowed her eyes. “T-shirt attire.”

“I don't own–”

A yellow shirt was hitting her in the face before she could finish. Lena looked down at it with distaste.

“Yellow is _not_ my color.”

“Call it brightening your wardrobe or expanding your horizons, just wear it,” Kara gave a cheeky smile. “I'm going to make you wear yellow and eat junk food and talk to people other than me and you're going to act happy with it.”

Lena laughed at the faux firmness, giving a soft smile. “Are you? Am I?”

“I am and you are,” she confirmed.

She looked so inconvenienced that someone would think Kara was forcing her to do a philosophy essay. She got off the chair at her desk and changed shirts. She frowned at herself in mirror. “You're _too_ good of a friend sometimes. You don't always have to do what's in my best interest and yellow still isn’t my color.”

“You’re right, I’m ashamed of myself for failing to be awful to you,” she smirked, still not willing to excuse her from joining their night out. “You look fine. Now, on to the more important matters of the night - food. Would you prefer to try a hot dog or taco? Have you ever tasted either before? I know it’s _very_ low class, so I’m not sure.”

Lena rolled her eyes at the remark. “Wow, your humor is hilarious.”

“At least it’s not brutal.”

“Me?” she feigned innocence. “I’m the sweetest person you know.”

Kara nodded, giving a genuine laugh to that as they walked out the door. “ _Sure_ , we can say that and pretend it’s true.”

“You’re more charming by the day, keep talking.”

She turned to look at Lena who had on a small smile, clearly amused with herself. “You’d be devastated if I ever stopped talking.”

Lena wouldn’t argue that, nodding her head and switching to a rare genuine moment. “I really would.”

* * *

It was two a.m. and the only person Kara wanted to talk to wasn’t answering her phone, meaning she was sleeping. However, Kara’s mind was a mess, so she didn’t have it in her to care. She unlocked the dorm room using the spare key she had basically stolen from Lena in the beginning of the semester, letting herself in.

Lena rolled over on the bed, turning to face Kara with confusion. “I’m sorry, is this freshman year?”

She stayed silent, just slipping under the covers next to Lena once she moved over.

“This is intimate,” Lena once again tried the sarcastic approach. When Kara still didn’t reply, she frowned in the darkness, propping herself up on one arm to face her. “What’s wrong?”

“You know how I told you James and Lucy got together in the beginning of the semester?” Kara nearly whispered, laying flat on her back with her head tilted to look at Lena.

She laid on her side and met eyes with Kara, her face showing that she already knew where this was going. “Yeah.”

“They’re still together,” she sighed, looking away and at the ceiling. “But he tried to kiss me tonight. And I don’t know why or if I should tell Lucy or… I don’t know. I just needed to see you. You’re the most rational person I know, just being around you clears my head.”

“I knew I didn’t _really_ give you headaches all the time,” Lena moved closer, wrapping an arm around Kara’s shoulder and smiling when Kara managed to chuckle a little. “Look, he’s a teenage boy who’s clearly shitty. I wouldn’t tell Lucy if roles were reversed, but I think you should.”

Kara furrowed her eyebrows, looking to eyes that were filled with honesty. “Why should I when you wouldn’t?”

“You’re a better person than I am,” she shrugged as if it was the most casual statement in the world while Kara looked back towards the ceiling, her heart speeding up at the kind words. “You’re the best person I know and the type of person who would tell Lucy even though it’d be hard to say.”

She sighed, leaning into Lena’s shoulder. “I just wanna be cold like you.”

“It’s a good life,” Lena laughed along. “It’ll be okay.”

“And if Lucy gets weird around me after I tell her?”

“You can live in my room,” she promised without hesitation. “Apparently we both fit on this bed pretty well.”

Kara smiled at that, hiding herself further under Lena’s covers. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

“You know you’re always welcome.”

It was silent and if it weren’t for Kara knowing what Lena’s heartbeat sounded like when she was asleep she wouldn’t know she was still wide awake. She didn’t have anything to say, though, so she let them lay side by side until Lena’s meek whisper came out.

“Are you sleeping?”

Shifting her position, Kara nodded. “No.”

She held her breath for a moment before the words rushed out. “Did you kiss him back?”

“I would never do that to Lucy,” she swore.

Lena’s grip around her tightened, immediately asking another question. “But you like him?”

Kara stayed silent, but that was the only answer she needed.

“Be careful, then,” she sighed, leaving Kara confused as to why her voice suddenly sounded as if it was defeated. She knew it must be due to thinking of Lucy’s feelings of James, but while Kara knew Lena cared about _her_ , she didn’t know she actually cared about Lucy.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Kara finally whispered again.

“I’m glad you did,” Lena told her genuinely. “I would’ve been pissed if I knew you were upset and moped around all alone in the middle of the night.”

She didn’t hesitate to agree. “Moping with company is always better.”

“Especially when it’s me.”

She knew Lena was joking around, but the words weren’t a joke to her at all. Lena was the best company there was.

* * *

Kara heard familiar footsteps, using her x-ray vision to look through the wall and smiling in relief at the sight of Lena’s frame about to turn the corner. It was about time, she had been waiting for an hour.

She stayed sitting on the floor of the hallway, her backpack beside her. She didn’t have the motivation to get up. Lena eventually reached her, just stopping at the door and looking down at her, her head slightly tilted. When Kara finally looked up Lena’s eyebrows were furrowed with Kara deemed to be worry.

“Lucy and James broke up,” she pouted.

Eyebrows were unscrunched. “Ah.” She stretched an arm out to Kara, pulling her off the ground to a standing position and leading them both into her oversized room. “Isn’t that a good thing, though? You said you liked James three weeks ago.”

“But… I don’t know, I thought I did,” Kara frowned to herself, going to the bed and laying down as Lena towered over her with amused curiosity and concern. “I think I just liked the idea of someone liking me. No one ever likes me.”

“I like you.”

“But you don’t want to date me,” she continued pouting, closing her eyes to block out the world from the miserable loneliness of being a single college student.

Lena sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Even with her eyes closed, Kara felt those green eyes piercing through her soul.

“Do you know how many boys fawn over you?” Kara finally heard Lena get out, her low voice pure as ever.

She couldn’t help but smile at the comment.

“You’re the prettiest girl I know. You’re a little too bubbly, but apparently some people find that attractive,” she smirked as Kara’s body shook with laughter for a moment. “Out of every girl in this stupid university, you’re the one I’m worried about the least when it comes to finding a date.”

Opening her eyes, Kara sat up again. “Are you ever gonna date? I want to tease you and give you pep talks too.”

“I don’t need pep talks, nor do I need a boy,” Lena put on a faint smile. “I’m not exactly cut out for dating. I’m pretty rough around the edges.”

“That’s my favorite part about you,” Kara grinned.

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.”

“No, I’m not being sarcastic,” she clarified. “You don’t need anyone and don’t put up with anyone’s drama if you don’t like their vibe. It’s annoying as hell because it makes you push people away, but… no one can stand on their own two feet the way you can. You don’t allow anyone to push you around. Not even your family.”

“I let you,” Lena pointed out for them both.

That made Kara’s smile become even wider. “I don’t push you around. Just guide you to loosen up, which is badly needed.”

“Eh, you can be pretty pushy.”

Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s body, pulling them down so they were both laying on the bed. “Only because you can be pretty stubborn.”

“Me?”

When Lena looked over, Kara’s heart nearly stopped at seeing the carefree expression in her eyes. A year ago, all those eyes held were coolness and challenge, yet now Lena was looking at her with all the warmth in the world and she wasn’t sure how to handle it. It was overwhelmingly touching.

“Does it bother you that I’m pushy?”

She didn’t hesitate to shake her head. “You’re pushiness is different.”

“There’s different types of pushiness?” Kara queried.

“I’ll have you know that there are. I mean, everyone else pushes me to be better at school or running the business or to have a better public persona - that type of stuff, stuff that shouldn’t matter to nineteen-year-old. You just push me to be better as a person and to be who I am and who I want to be. That’s nice.”

“Really?” Kara perked up at that information. “Wait, I do?”

Lena stared at her with a tenderness Kara hadn’t seen from anyone before. “Of course you do. You’re Kara Danvers. Doer of all good.”

She softly patted Lena’s cheek twice, nodding her head with a smug grin. “Don’t you forget it.”

* * *

“You can stare at me with sad eyes until the moment you leave, I’m still not going home to Thanksgiving with you,” Lena told her without looking up from typing the business law paper that was due at 11:59 that night.

Kara groaned, moving closer and hovering over her with the same sad expression that almost always worked instantly on Alex. Lena was proving to be much tougher to break.

“Kara,” Lena whined. “I can’t go home with you.”

“You can’t just stay here, it’s Thanksgiving,” Kara threw her hands up as if that should mean the world.

Lena’s fingers sped across the keyboard as she glanced from the textbook and back to the word document. “It’d be a waste of gas to go home.”

“That’s why you should go with me,” Kara pleaded. “We can take the train together and everything! You’d be good company.”

“Your family wouldn’t agree,” she mumbled.

“Please? Lena, I’m literally not going to stop bothering you until you say yes.”

She closed her eyes in frustration, turning to Kara. “I need to write this paper and I can’t with you here bugging me all day.”

“Then say you’ll come.”

“If you sit here until I finish this paper and don’t say a single word, I will ride your stupid lower class train and go to your house for the break. Deal?”

Kara got a big smile, just nodding her head and making a motion of zipping her lips and throwing away the key. She knew Lena thought she had this in the bag, but Kara knew how to shut up when it was needed. She had been bullied her entire first few years of coming to Earth, she knew how to be quiet. Lena had six hours until the paper had to be turned in. Kara could be quiet for six hours.

She sat in the chair, leaning back and staring at Lena, purely because she knew it’d drive her crazy. Lena did good at pretending that it didn’t bother her, but the subtle glances she threw in out told Kara otherwise. Every time their gazes met, Kara raised her eyebrows while Lena shook her head with a smile.

Maybe she truly was writing her paper until 11:30 that night, but Kara had a good suspicion that she was pushing the time of required silence. She wanted Kara to mess it up so she could get out of dinner, but Lena wasn’t the only one who knew how to be stubborn. At 11:45, Lena pulled up the page to submit the assignment online, glancing at Kara once more who’s smile was bigger and more smug than ever.

She submitted the assignment with the most dramatic eye roll Kara had witnessed yet. “I guess I’m going to your stupid dinner.”

“And my lower class train,” Kara confirmed with the bubbly demeanor she knew drove Lena crazy. “You never know, you might actually have fun.”

She nodded with pure dismay. “Oh, yeah, I’m sure I might, I’m just so great with families.”

Kara laughed as she went over towards her, wrapping arms around her neck from behind. “But I’ll be there.”

“Good, I can say ‘I told you so’ in person when they hate me.”

She just rolled her eyes, speaking the words with no pity in her voice. “Believe it or not, not everyone can hate you in life. Get rid of the pessimism, because you made a deal and I’m not letting you back out.”

“Where did the passive Kara from the first day of freshman year go? I miss her.”

Kara laughed, just looking at Lena with all the confidence in the world. “We both know you don’t.”

* * *

_Alex, you better behave. I’m NOT kidding._

It was the fifth text in a row she sent on the matter. She probably would’ve only sent two but her sister hadn’t replied to the last four of them.

_She’s my best friend and I’ll be really mad if you scare her away!! You’re scarier than you think!!!_

She glanced to Lena who was sitting beside her, staring out the window of the train as she listened to music that Kara was confident would have depressing lyrics. She tried not to stare at her, but she looked so normal as she sat on a train, slouching with one of Kara’s baggy sweatshirts on and her hair in a sloppy bun instead of all tight and perfected with hairspray.

“Stop looking at me,” Lena told her pointedly, not breaking her gaze from watching the world pass by out the window.

Kara looked away from her and down at her phone again, sighing with relief when Alex replied.

_I’ll try to be nice. Clearly you’re obsessed with her, I get it. And I’m hardly scary! See you soon._

* * *

Kara tried not to show her blatant frown at seeing Eliza at the train station instead of Alex, but it proved to be a hard task. When she told Alex not to be scary she didn’t mean she should completely disappear. Without Kara having to ask what was going on, Eliza was already explaining.

“Alex said her driving is unsafe lately and she didn’t want to scare your friend away?” Eliza offered as a question. “She said it was an inside joke before mentioning she had a work thing she forgot about.”

Ignoring what Alex viewed as wit, Kara’s eyes narrowed. “It’s the day before Thanksgiving.”

“She’s been weird about work lately,” Eliza shrugged. “I think she’s going through a phase with you being gone more and more. You two are so close.”

“I’ll be talking to her about that,” Kara mentioned pointedly before turning to Lena with a soft smile. “This is Lena. Lena, this is-“

“Eliza Danvers. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Likewise,” she smiled with more politeness that Kara thought was possible from her. “Kara couldn’t stop talking about how great you make the holidays.”

The older woman turned to Kara, a smirk on her face. “I’ll be sure to bring that up when you and Alex complain.”

“I don’t complain!” she protested, quickly turning to Lena to defend herself. “I swear, I don’t-“

Lena wrapped a casual arm around her shoulders. “Chill, Kara.”

Eliza smiled at the gesture, turning around and beginning to lead them to the car where they talked about Lena the entire ride to the house. Kara watched as the girl she knew so well grew more uncomfortable by the countless questions Eliza had been waiting to ask. The number one thing to avoid doing when talking to Lena was asking her questions about herself, but she couldn’t exactly ask people to seem uninterested in her billionaire friend. Although Kara had to admit that Lena was handling the situation better than she had expected considering the amount of complaints she had heard on the way here. She hadn’t even had to be the buffer yet.

“You give her a tour of the house, I’ll make sure we have everything prepared for tomorrow,” Eliza instructed when they walked in the front door of Kara’s childhood home, everything about it being familiar. “Relax, get cozy, enjoy break.”

When Eliza was out of earshot Lena whipped to Kara with an adoring expression on her face that was new to see. “Is that how mom’s are supposed to be? She’s so…”

“Nice?” Kara laughed. “I know. You’re welcome over every holiday.”

“Yeah, well, I still haven’t seen your sister yet. She wasn’t too fond of me earlier this year.”

“Alex is… Alex. She’s just protective,” Kara grimaced, knowing Alex wasn’t exactly thrilled Lena had agreed to come either. She had been counting on the fact that Lena would say no. Actually, even Kara was surprised she had out-stubborned Lena Luthor.

“Even if this goes horribly wrong,” Lena began slowly, her fingers fiddling together, “thank you for including me. I appreciate it.”

“What are friends for?”

Lena looked down with a thin grin before gazing up to meet Kara’s eyes again. “Right.”

* * *

“Don’t make it sound too good,” Lena warned again from behind Kara, reading what she was typing on the computer from over her shoulder. “Oh, God, I’m gonna get in trouble for this. They’re going to _know_ I didn’t write this paper.”

“Technically, you’re helping me write it by telling me how to make it worse,” Kara pointed out, her fingers still zooming across the keyboard.

“Well, you’re sounding like a journalism student who knows philosophy quite well. Trust me, my teacher knows I’m taking this as a requirement course and praying I squeeze by with an A.”

“You don’t pray.”

Lena rolled her eyes at how technical Kara could be, leaning over and resting her chin on Kara’s shoulder as she typed. “I owe you one. I really do.”

“Just make sure you get me a _really_ good present,” she said light-heartedly, causing Lena to simply smirk.

“Would you like your present, Kara?” Her face lit up, but Lena just laughed. “Do the conclusion and I’ll give it to you.”

“Bossy, bossy, bossy,” Kara chided with a grin. “But I love gifts, so you got it.”

“I feel like I’m about to get arrested.” Lena tried to play off her tone as kidding again, but Kara heard the genuine anxiety that was hidden deeper in the statement.

“I’m not going to tell anyone I wrote your sophomore year philosophy final,” Kara assured her again. “Besides, no one would believe me if I said you couldn’t pass a philosophy class on your own.”

“Shut up.”

Kara kept typing before slamming in a final period and spinning around so quick that Lena had to sway to keep her balance. She winced, looking at the irritated green eyes with slight apology and slight amusement. “Oops?”

“You really want that gift,” she muttered, pulling out her phone. “Alright, what’s your personal email?”

“Why do you need my-“ she cut herself off, simply giving her the email when Lena gave her the intense stare.

“And… your gift was delivered,” Lena mentioned as she pressed a button on her screen.

Sure enough, Kara’s phone pinged. “You e-mailed me my Christmas gift?”

“More or less,” she nodded. “I’ll see you next semester.”

She watched as Lena went to grab her backpack and realized she was actually about to leave. “We’re in _your_ dorm room! You can’t just leave. You’re not going to watch me open it?”

Lena laughed, but her face had the rare occasion of looking nervous and unsure of herself. “And risk you hating it? Thanks, but no thanks.”

“I got you a gift too.”

“If opening it means I have to watch you open mine, I don’t want it,” she huffed, continuing her way to the door.

“I _know_ you’re not about to let us go our separate ways for the next three and a half weeks with this rude version of you as my last memory.”

Pursing her lips in both amusement and frustration, Lena spun around before she hit the door. “You’re really going to play that card?”

“You’re being irrational. I’m not going to hate your gift,” Kara promised, opening the email as Lena stood across the room looking anywhere but Kara. “Is this what it looks like?”

“No,” she muttered flatly, being difficult just to be difficult.

“I’ve been looking at this-”

“Can I go now?” Lena pleaded, clearly feeling entirely uncomfortable at the situation of Kara appreciating a gift that she had explicitly said she didn’t want her to hate two seconds ago.

Kara shook her head, going over and wrapping her arms around Lena. She was stiff for a moment, but eventually arms wrapped back around her. “How did you know I’d been looking at journalism software?”

“I’m a tech genius, I think I know how to navigate through someone’s search history,” she laughed at Kara’s astonishment before her voice became soothing and encouraging and everything that made Kara feel special. “You’re doing really well. It’s about time you add a professional aspect to you.”

“I got you a gift too,” Kara smirked, making Lena instantly nervous as she motioned for her to follow. “It’s in my room.”

“You really got me a gift?” Lena asked with the utmost surprise.

Not sure why it seemed to be such a shock, Kara slowly nodded, linking arms with her and leading her to the stairs. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“No reason,” she shook her head, shrugging it off as if her body language wasn’t extremely peculiar.

Kara stared at her, but when Lena rolled her eyes and gave a glare she looked away with a smile and made the decision to change the subject. “You’re going to call me a smartass again.”

Lena looked over, seemingly pleased with that. “Due to your gift?”

“Yeah.”

When the gift bag was in front of her six minutes later, Lena just stared.

“What are you doing?” Kara questioned, trying not to laugh at how _weird_ Lena was when she both gave and received gifts.

“I’m… taking in the moment,” she admitted, not taking her eyes away from the present on Lucy’s abandoned bed for the holidays. “I don’t usually do this type of stuff, okay?”

Kara’s expression was crestfallen for a moment, but she recovered well, stepping closer and wrapping an arm around Lena in what had become to be a natural movement. She pulled them closer together. “Now you do. So, less staring, more opening. I have a train to catch, you know?”

With a slight chuckle, Lena reached into the back, pushing aside pastel pink and green tissue paper until she reached cloth. She pulled it out, raising her eyes at Kara as she bit back a laugh and told her to keep going. “There’s more to the gift.”

She reached in again, pulling out an identical item, minus the design and color.

Sure enough, she scoffed as she realized the theme of the gift after pulling out five t-shirts in a row. “Fucking smartass.”

“I’m humanizing you,” she explained.

Lena looked to the ceiling with a smile of enjoyment before turning to Kara again, looking amused as ever. “That you are. You’re a pain in the ass, but…” She shook her head, changing the topic again. “I’ll miss you over break.”

“Have fun at the gala,” Kara bit back a smile at the sight of Lena’s scowl. “Don’t worry! I’ll text you with all the emojis you claim to find annoying and FaceTime you and like all the pictures LuthorCorp posts to their Facebook page. It’ll be like I’m there.”

“You better. It wouldn’t be a good Christmas with being annoyed by you.” She just grinned, the warmth that overwhelmed Kara once again pouring out of her. “Text me on the train?”

“I need constant entertainment,” Kara agreed. “Drive safe tomorrow.”

“Always.”

“And listen to the playlist I made of the car ride!”

“I’m dreading it,” she promised with a tone that said she was far from dreading it. “You’re gonna miss your train if you don’t stop bossing me around.”

Kara rolled her eyes at the comment, just grabbing her bag and giving Lena one last hug, trying to make it last enough for three weeks.

During her short walk to the train station all she could focus on was how this meant three entire weeks apart from the one person who made her feel understood. She didn’t realize one person could make her feel so accepted and loved until that one person had walked into her life, she hadn’t even knew she felt alone to begin with, but she knew she couldn’t picture a life without Lena in it. Nor did she want to.


	4. sophomore year: pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> broken hands, drama, fighting, exposed secrets, tense moods, that's pretty much the theme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advanced for a really really long chapter... there was a lot to fit in and I didn't want to break it into two.

It wasn’t how she wanted to run into Lena for the first time after break, to say the very least about it all. When she got the text that Lena was back on campus and to meet her in an hour at Pete’s Kara had been excited, but her super hearing got the best of her on the walk there. She had heard Lena’s voice and she couldn’t help but eavesdrop, which led to her not be able to help _slightly_ over-reacting to the whole situation - but only slightly, in Kara’s honest opinion.

“Can I help you?” Lena had asked a guy who had approached her with a voice that was laced with all the attitude in the world, causing Kara to let out a laugh. She had learned from last year that messing with Lena the day after she came back from spending three weeks with her mother was a bad idea and she felt bad for the poor kid who didn’t know any better.

“You were in my Chem lab last semester,” he told her. “I thought you were really smart. You seemed to know what you were doing well. I was impressed.”

Kara zeroed in on Lena across the quad as her best friend came to a halt, crossing her arms haughtily and raising an eyebrow at the guy who was a little more cocky than anyone should be around Lena Luthor. “Wow, really charming. How many girls have you used that one on before?”

Holding a hand up to her mouth as she smiled, Kara stopped walking and decided that where she was would be a good enough view to watch Lena make a boy tremble.

“Just you,” he put his hands up in innocence. “You’re intriguing to me. I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime.”

“No thanks,” she forced a smile and turned around to continue her brisk pace again.

The guy reached out, gently grabbing her bicep. “Wait, hold on a second.”

“I’m meeting someone,” she stated, just as fast paced as before.

“Boyfriend?” he raised an eyebrow.

Lena gave an unamused, sarcastic smile of dismay and Kara almost wanted to interrupt just to save the kid. _Almost_. “If I say yes will you leave me alone and go back to your nest of fuckboys?”

“I just thought you were pretty, okay?” he looked around campus as Kara backed up a little to stay out of direct sight. “Look, I’d love to take you out. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Can’t,” she shrugged, her voice lacking a single ounce of sympathy or compassion. “I don’t want to, plus I’m actually gay.”

“I doubt that’s true,” he called Lena out on the lie without hesitation. “You’re way too pretty to be gay. But if it is true, you probably just haven’t met the right guy yet. Everyone says they’re gay until they’re straight again, right?”

Kara watched as the mysterious stranger slipped an arm around Lena’s shoulders from across campus. She smiled as Lena shoved them off her hard enough to make it necessary for Fuckboy to take a few steps back due to force.

“You can play hard to get all night, but we both know where we’ll be ending up.”

“Hopefully far away from each other,” she heard Lena’s dry, unimpressed voice huff.

She saw red as he stopped Lena from continuing to walk, sliding a hand up her shirt. “Babe, we both know.”

Lena shoved him away again, disgust written over every feature. “Fuck off. This will never happen. Understood?”

“Why so quick to leave? Do I make you nervous?” he stepped closer, placing a hand on her boob. “If you were really gay I wouldn’t be making you nervous.”

Kara didn’t know how it happened, but one second she was all the way across the quad watching his hands roam Lena’s body while Lena tried to writhe away and the next she was holding Fuckboy’s hand in hers and feeling his bones crush beneath it. “I think she said to fuck off.”

“Kara,” a hand was on her shoulder immediately, shaking her steel posture, grabbing her wrist and trying to unwrap her fingers from Fuckboy’s wrist. “Kara, c’mon! Kara! What the fuck. Kara!”

She flashed back to reality, letting go of the kid’s hand and looking at deformed bones. She glared at him, using everything in her not to melt his fucking face off from rage. It was bad enough he’d feel up anyone, but Lena? She wanted to break more than his hand.

“I’d get that checked out,” Kara finally breathed out lightly. “Next time listen when a girl tells you to stop.”

She stormed off and Lena didn’t hesitate to chase her, needing to practically sprint to keep up. Noticing she was probably going a little too fast for a human and Lena was already probably a little confused as to how that happened, Kara slowed her pace.

“Kara,” Lena called after her, her voice filled with a rage of her own. “ _Kara_!”

Her words fell on deaf ears as Kara kept storming through campus until she stood outside of Pete’s as if they were still casually going out to dinner.

“What the _fuck_ , Kara?” Lena hissed when she had finally stopped walking away. “What the hell was that?”

Crossing her arms, Kara just looked down at Lena, for the first time realizing exactly how short and small and defenseless she was against him and that terrified her. What could have happened absolutely terrified her. “You should be thanking me.”

“You broke his hand,” she yelled before looking around and quieting her voice. “Kara, do you know what you just did? I don’t even know how you - you broke his fucking _hand_.”

“He was violating you,” she reminded her sharply. “He shouldn’t be able to do that.”

“I would’ve handled it fine on my own. I’m a big girl and can take of myself,” she spat out.

Kara tried to laugh what happened off, sensing Lena was getting angrier by the second. She put on her best form of an innocent smile. “Not as well as I took care of it, though.”

“You broke his hand,” she repeated. “His _hand_.”

“He’s lucky he’s breathing,” Kara felt herself seething.

“This isn’t you,” Lena stared at her in disbelief for a few moments, then turned away. “Come see me when you’re back in your right mind.”

“Are you actually mad about this?“

In a response, Lena just held up her hand in a wave, continuing to walk away and leaving Kara more confused than ever by the fact that Lena could actually be perturbed by Kara saving her. Only Lena could be bothered by the fact that someone stood up for her. _Only_ Lena.

After a few seconds, as the situation sunk in, Kara went into deep thought over three words that Lena had said to that guy, finding herself wondering if they were true.

_I’m actually gay._

She knew some girls said they were gay when guys hit on them, but Lena was hardly the type to pull a cop out move like that. She stared at the spot Lena had left from a minute ago, her mind wondering if she had just come out to a stranger before she had come out to her best friend.

Was Lena Luthor _gay_?

* * *

Three days later, Kara opened Lena’s dorm room door with a frazzled expression. Apparently she must have looked more undone than she thought, because Lena stood up, her eyebrows scrunched with concern, when Kara was expecting a much colder greeting.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m sorry for overreacting,” Kara recited as if it was a well practiced, overly polished line.

Lena stared at her, but in the end shook her head with an expected sarcastic tone to accompany her response. “Well, since it sounds _so_ genuine, I’ll forgive you.”

“Are you really gay?” she cut to the reason she was there, not having time to exchange humor or make small talk or do their usual banter.

She didn’t have time for any of that when she couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Lena might have this whole other part of her that Kara didn’t know about. After she had realized what had been said before she had demolished bones, words were left floating around her mind on repeat the past seventy-two hours and as much as she tried, she couldn’t push them away or take back what she heard

She had never seen Lena caught so off guard. “I - _what_?”

“You told that guy you were gay,” Kara breathed out. Upon seeing Lena’s confused expression, she remembered she wasn’t supposed to be able to hear things when she was hundreds of feet away. “He mentioned it when I was breaking his hand and you were screaming. He said I must be your girlfriend or something.”

It was clear Lena didn’t completely believe her, but she slowly nodded nonetheless. “Okay… but why does it matter to you so much, exactly?”

Kara ignored the question, instead asking another one of her own. “Was it an excuse you used to make him back off or are you really…”

Lena looked down, placing a stressed hand on her forehead and letting out the longest, most over dramatic sigh Kara had witnessed yet. When she recovered, her voice came out soft and defeated. “There are many reasons why my family doesn’t approve of me. My political interests regarding aliens are just one. Let’s just leave it at that.”

She turned back around, but Kara’s jaw was ajar, not understanding how Lena could be so nonchalant about this. She was gay and hadn’t even told her. Her. _Kara_. They were supposed to be best friends.

As Lena sat down at her desk, Kara invited herself further into the room, going to the chair Lena was on and spinning it around to make her face her again.

“You told him so easily, yet I’m your best friend and you haven’t said a word?”

Lena rolled her eyes again, doing what she did best and trying to minimize the conflict. “Let’s not make this a big deal, okay?”

“Lena, I’m your _best_ friend,” she repeated.

“I mean, technically that’s by default seeing as you’re my only friend.”

“I’m not in the mood to bicker with you,” Kara kept her serious expression, causing Lena to try to turn around again. Surprise, surprise, Kara was able to hold the chair still so she couldn’t.

“Have you been working out or something?” When Kara didn’t answer, Lena looked down, taking a deep breath before shaking her head a little and meeting Kara’s eyes again. “I didn’t want you to know.”

That only made her blinding rage more present. “ _Clearly_. I can see that.”

“You can’t seriously be mad about this,” Lena sputtered out, her face displaying shock at the reaction. “This is my personal life.”

“I think I’m entitled to know about your personal life at this stage!” Kara yelled out, not sure when the last time she managed to speak so loudly and forcefully was. She was just so blindsided and confused at how Lena could’ve omitted this huge portion of her life and how Kara couldn’t have realized it in the past year of them being friends. “I tell you about boys all the time!”

“This isn’t about a _boy_ ,” Lena said as if she couldn’t believe the insinuation. “It’s never been about a boy, it’s not even about the lack of one! This is about me!”

“I know,” Kara held her hands up when she received yelling back. “I know, I get that. But I thought we were at the point of sharing personal details. _Forgive_ me. I must’ve thought I meant more than I did.”

When Kara’s lip began to tremble, everything about Lena softened. Her low voice became gentle and soothing, trying to fix the hurt that she had already caused. “I tell you everything, you know I do, but everyone has secrets.”

“It’s not that you had a secret,” Kara waved away, hastily wiping tears that she didn’t want to have, her voice croaking as she spoke. “It’s that you were willing to tell a random guy who was probably going to assault you before you were willing to tell _me_.”

“Kara…”

As Lena stepped closer, Kara stepped away. “If you can’t trust me with this, but you can tell an asshole on the street, I don’t think we should be friends.”

Lena’s expression fell and Kara watched with a straight face as a trillion different emotions filtered through it at once. Finally, her eyes turned soft, then cold, then hurt, then soft, then cold. “I told you to begin with that I didn’t come here for friends.”

After staring at her, Kara abruptly ran from the room and their conversation, flying out of the building when she knew she out of sight before anyone could see her have an absolute breakdown. If Lena could keep something like this from Kara without a care in the world, maybe they were never as much of friends as Kara had thought in the first place.

* * *

A week later, Lena had texted a couple times since their fight, but she hadn’t replied, which only led up to Lena being angry with her back.

_This isn’t about you. This is me. This was my secret to tell. If you want to leave, leave. I don’t chase people, I don’t need friends, I don’t need you. It was a good year._

She was surrounded with all her other friends at their typical bar and grill, but all she wanted to do was talk to Lena. She loved Lucy, she adored Winn and James, but she missed the sound of Lena’s voice and even her inappropriate remarks. She missed her entirely. But she refused to be the one to reach out and she didn’t consider sending a few short texts reaching out. Lena should have told her. She should have told her and not some random guy. There was no disputing that.

* * *

It was over a month later and Lena still hadn’t come to talk to her, nor had she sent any further texts. Kara thought she would have chased her by now, but the most they had seen of each other was when they met eyes and both turned to walk the other direction. Kara didn’t know why she expected anything more.

“What’s up with you and Luthor?” Lucy finally asked mid-February. “It’s been a while since her… quirky humor has graced our friend group.”

Kara didn’t look up from her psychology book, but she began tapping the eraser of her pencil on the palm of her hand, with a sad, nervous feeling suddenly encompassing her. “We aren’t friends anymore.”

“What did she do?”

She honestly thought about telling Lucy everything. Telling her what a bitch Lena was and how she never really trusted Kara as much as she thought she did, at least not as much as she trusted fuckboys. She wanted to tell her how easy it was for Lena to put up walls again, just because Kara called her out for doing something shitty and she wanted to make it known how god damn frustrated that made her… But she found herself holding her tongue, because even now, knowing anything about Lena that was beyond tabloid knowledge was a privilege that she didn’t want to share.

“She didn’t do anything, we just aren’t friends. I need to study, though. Talk to you another time?”

Lucy stared, but nodded, standing up and getting ready to leave the room. “Yeah, I’ll let you have some peace and quiet. Another time.”

* * *

“So, how’s Lena doing?” Alex asked carefully over the phone, her words were articulated and calculated, sounding oddly timid and gentle.

They couldn’t be gentle enough to not send a chill down Kara’s spine. Somehow her voice still came out neutral and uncaring, but they were undeniably grouchy. “Don’t worry, we still aren’t friends. We haven’t even spoken in months.”

“Oh,” she got out. “Sorry I brought it up, then.”

“Yeah,” Kara sighed, staring at the wall as she let the phone rest on her chest while Alex was on speaker.

She was so good at being perky and cheerful and optimistic, but when someone brought up Lena all she could see was the time she had wasted trying to get to know someone who didn’t want to be known.

“You did hear what happened though, right?” Alex’s voice broke the few minutes of silence they had been engulfed in, leaving Kara to sit there, trying not to act interested even though she so badly wanted to ask what the hell Alex was going on about. “With her brother?”

Without even thinking about what she was doing, Kara was sitting up straighter and looking around the room for her shoes at Alex’s concerned tone. Alex was never concerned about Lena, so if she was worried, Kara definitely was too.

“What happened with her brother?”

* * *

Kara heard the story of what Lex did at 7:02 p.m.. She was knocking on Lena’s door before the clock hit 7:03.

There was no answer, but that wasn’t surprising. She would’ve had to have been a fool to think Lena would be waiting around for a knock at the door two months after their fight. Despite no answer, Kara’s x-ray vision revealed Lena staring at the door, looking so defeated that it physically hurt Kara to see. She had to compose herself before knocking again.

“Lena?”

There was still no answer. Kara contemplated just going back to her dorm room, but even after all the silence they’d had, she just needed to assure herself that Lena was okay, because even as she doubted how much she truly knew Lena to begin with, she knew enough to know that she’d be in a dark place right about now.

“Lena,” she tried knocking for a third time. “Please, let me in.”

The girl behind the door turned back to her textbook, putting her earphones back in her ears. Kara had realized months ago that she never actually played music when she did that, she just didn’t want to listen to the world and they helped zone it out. It was a little thing that Lena had never said, but Kara had figured out over their time together. It killed her how many little things like that there were.

“I’m going to use my key,” Kara warned.

She knew Lena heard her, because she briefly looked at the door, but when she turned back to reading Kara pulled the key out of her pocket and hoped she hadn’t changed the locks. When the knob turned, Kara let out a sigh of relief, then turned back to the issue at hand.

“Lena,” she called out, her voice much more confident than she was feeling.

While her voice was strong and defensive, Lena didn’t look at her. “Go away.”

“I know you don’t want to see me,” Kara told her with understanding. “I get it, we’re fighting, I know. But despite what’s been drilled into you, sometimes you need other people to lean on.”

“I don’t need that. And I don’t need you. Leave me alone.”

The voice was reserved and icy, just like the Lena she had first met.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped when Kara didn’t reply, still not turning around. “I can feel you staring. Just go back to not caring about me, it’s better that way for both of us. I don’t need you or your stupid pity.”

That got Kara moving closer at rapid speed. Her hand was on Lena’s shoulder, ignoring when she tried to shrug it off and nudging her until she finally turned around. The green eyes looked sad and broken and scared and Kara didn’t like any of it.

“I care about you. You can trash talk me all you want, but don’t you _dare_ say I don’t care about you,” Kara found herself aggressively saying despite wanting to go easy on the fragile girl in front of her. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and opening them again with regained composure. “Are you okay?”

Lena got up, walking away.

“You can’t just leave,” Kara pleaded with her.

Lena opened the door and stood beside it testily. “I’m not. I’m showing you your way out.”

Kara’s face fell, but she didn’t move to go out. In fact, she did the opposite, sitting in the chair Lena had just gotten up from. “You don’t mean that.”

Something about that sentence set Lena off, because the door slammed shut with a force that this battered down version of Lena didn’t seem to have in her a second ago.

“You don’t get to tell me what I mean,” she was in front of Kara with a roaring voice and flailing hands. “I was open with you. I was _myself_ with you - only you. And you left, because, what? I didn’t tell you that I’m gay? As if that should really matter? I told you and showed you every aspect of me that no one else even knows exists, yet you focused on the one minuscule detail that I kept to myself and left me due to withholding information that I had every right to withhold. You don’t get to say what I mean or act like you know me so well or like we’re friends after doing that.”

Never in her life had Kara felt so small. Lena unplugged her laptop from the charger, moving all the homework she had splayed out over her desk onto her bed.

“You don’t get to waltz in and pretend to care about me again just because my brother is a fucking idiot. You don’t get to pick up the pieces. I let you in, you let me down. You don’t have the right to just walk in at a vulnerable moment and save the day.”

Tilting her head to the side, Kara bit her lip. The first time Lena had been ice cold to her, she didn’t deserve it. This time, she knew she deserved at least some of it. She didn’t mean to leave after finding out Lena was gay, she was just so betrayed from not knowing that she couldn’t see Lena’s side of it all. Now that she was finally seeing it, Kara had to admit she probably should’ve considered it a little sooner.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“I don’t want to hear it. I told you once that I’m better on my own. It was my mistake to doubt that for a second, not yours,” she shook her head, pushing her laptop to the side and writing notes in her notebook. “Just go.”

When Kara finally listened, finally left the room, finally shut the door, she thought nothing could break her more than seeing Lena so hurt and guarded again. However, seeing that version of Lena had nothing on the way her uneven breaths and crying sounded through the door when Kara was finally gone. She turned to go back in, but decided against it. She’d see her after spring break. Maybe they’d both be calmer then.

* * *

Kara arrived home on a Sunday night and had arranged to spend the first three nights back at Alex’s apartment instead of with Eliza. She was in the air, flying back to campus by Tuesday morning. When even Alex agreed Lena probably needed her, Lena probably needed her and she wasn’t about to wait for a train to be there.

She had forgotten how amazing it felt to soar. It cleared her head, gave her confidence and made her feel like she could actually tackle this conversation without backing down. And she knew Lena would make her want to back down. Even without a reason, Lena was hard to break through to. She was stubborn and cocky and always wanted her way, which made the prospect of forgiveness seem unlikely. Lena was already a force to be reckoned with, but Kara had now given her ammunition and Lena was the type to be trigger happy if it came to protecting herself.

She knocked on the door when she arrived and this time it was answered. The black hair and green eyes froze in place at the sight of Kara in her doorway, simply staring in shock until her face fell. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

Kara stared back, swallowing a lump in her throat and wondering why all the speeches she had prepared in the air weren’t coming out. She had build so much confidence, yet now all she seemed to have were teary eyes and tender words that were a little too rushed out and overly desperate for both of their likings. “I am so _so_ sorry for what happened, okay? I am so sorry.”

Although Lena didn’t show any signs of accepting the apology, she also moved aside to let Kara into the room. When the door was shut, she crossed her arms with a blank stare. “I’m having a good day today. I’ll give you two minutes of my time.”

“Can I have three? You know better than anyone that I tend to ramble.”

Lena raised an eyebrow, but the corner of her lips twitched the slightest amount, so Kara knew she was amused somewhere deep inside, even if she refused to show it.

“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did,” she started when she realized Lena didn’t plan on responding to that. “And I shouldn’t have crushed the guy’s hand or swooped in to save you, because I know you don’t need saving. I shouldn’t have just assumed you liked boys in the first place. And I shouldn’t have left like that or iced you out or tried to swoop in to save you a second time.”

Throughout the speech, Kara’s eyes stayed fixed on Lena as Lena stared out the window with her arms crossed tightly across her chest. At the lack of any expression on Lena’s face, Kara decided to go into the dangerous territory. Lena was already mad, so she may as well take the risk of pushing her over the edge. The best and more likely case scenario would be forgiveness.

“I know you don’t like people saying they know what you want, but I _know_ you want to connect with someone,” Kara pleaded with her. “I know you’re mad at me - I would be mad at me too. But I didn’t mean to hurt you and I know you know that.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” she grumbled out. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Even if it’s not me, you need someone to count on in life.” Kara tried to smile a little as she continued, “ _I,_ personally, think that person should be me, though. For the record.”

“Journalism bias,” Lena muttered before finally turning to look at Kara. Her expression was inscrutable, but her posture looked beaten down. Her words came out angry, but her face just showed the hurt Kara supposedly didn’t cause. “I want that person to be you too, but you screwed me over. Do you realize that?”

Kara stood there, letting out a sigh and pressing her lips together. Of course she realized that.

“I can’t have people walking in and out of my life.”

“I don’t want to do that to you,” Kara said sincerely. She had never meant anything to be more sincere than that statement. “I don’t plan to come and go. I want to be there for you.”

She kept giving her a hard stare, then gave another large sigh.

“Lex was extra nice to me over Christmas,” Lena offered sadly, turning back to the window with sorrow. “If I fill you in you better fucking stick around, though. I’m not kidding. You aren’t my second choice.”

As if it was proof, Kara plopped herself on the bed, sitting up straight with a cheeky grin. “I know you’re the best there is. I don’t have to be a freaky genius to know that.”

Lena smiled a little at the comment, going to sit beside her, gossiping as if she had been dying to tell Kara all of this for weeks. “So, he was extra nice over Christmas and I figured something was up. But I didn’t think - he tried to kill Superman. I know you said you don’t really know much about him other than basic national tabloids, but he’s the icon of Metropolis and my brother… Fucking idiot, I swear to God.”

Kara tried to enjoy Lena’s forgiveness as she listened to Lena going on and on about what had happened. She tried to block out how she already knew the entire story, how she was living a lie of her own in order to protect herself, just like Lena had been doing before. She wanted to ignore that she was keeping so much from Lena while Lena was being so vulnerable with her.

Some parts, she really did enjoy. She enjoyed listening to how Lena hired her own lawyer because she didn’t trust the one her mother had provided her. She laughed at how she paid him cash in order to not leave a trail and felt honored when Lena relayed that she didn’t mention she was seeing him to anyone until the conversation they were having now. She tried to just revel in the fact that a huge weight was lifted off of her and she finally had her best friend back, because maybe focusing on that would rid her of some the guilt from keeping her own secret.

“You really are fine on your own,” Kara mused when the long ramble had ended. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Says the girl who crushed someone’s hand with her own grip,” Lena teased. “How’d you do that, anyway?”

Kara shook her head, shrugging it off. “I have no idea. From that point on it was purely adrenaline doing the work. But anyway, I’m sorry. About your brother. I know he was good to you.”

“Sometimes people change,” Lena tried to do that thing where she acted like it didn’t bother her in the least. Her eyes looked to Kara and kept shifting from cold to gentle, unable to decide where to stay. Her voice was harsh, but Kara couldn’t blame her. “If you fuck me over I really will kill you.”

Without missing a beat, Kara brushed off the threat. “I’ll have to dedicate my life to making sure that doesn’t happen then, won’t I?”

* * *

From her position on the bed, Kara looked over Lena’s shoulder as she checked her grades online. She squinted to make sure her beyond perfect vision had seen it right before officially gawking.

“You have a 100% or above in every class?”

Lena looked up with a sheepish grin and slight shrug. “My mom isn’t completely wrong when she calls you a distraction.”

“You clearly need one!” Kara exclaimed with exasperation. “Lena, this is - did you _only_ read your textbooks while I was gone? Did you do anything else in here?”

“I like being productive and learning new things,” she brushed off Kara’s slightly judgmental tone. “Besides, it was a good distraction. You can’t think about much when you’re focusing on advance calculus equations.”

“Thank god I’m here to be a bad influence,” Kara sighed dramatically, laying down beside Lena with contentment showing in every minuscule feature. “Now, let’s talk about nothing and order lots of food. It’s what normal college kids do on Saturday nights.”

“Do they?” Lena raised an eyebrow.

Kara nodded, fully serious. “Most of us use the phrase ‘Cs get degrees.’”

The raised eyebrow somehow rose higher. “You get all As with the occasional B.”

“I know. Having you for a best friend is hard work. Your Type A personality and constant drive for overachievement in every area in your life is annoyingly rubbing off and making me try harder than I typically would,” Kara rolled her eyes in displeasure. “Thanks for that.”

“You don’t need to put in effort just because I do,” Lena smiled a little. “I know I’m a little over the top.”

“A little…” Kara muttered just loud enough for Lena to hear. When they met eyes, Kara just shook her head. “I know I don’t _need_ to. I try harder because you make me want to.”

That brought an unexpected smile to Lena’s face as she subconsciously tilted her head in the same way Kara did a lot. “I do?”

“Of course,” Kara shrugged it off casually. “You’re the smartest person I know, which says a lot because Alex is super smart. Seeing you care so much about learning makes me want to know stuff. Maybe not all about calculus, but other subjects aren’t that bad.”

Lena laughed, scooting up on the bed so she could lay down beside Kara. With her back flat on the bed and her head shifted, she once again looked at Kara so intensely that Kara had to take a moment to catch her breath. Her words were so genuine. “I missed you.”

It was music to her ears to hear she could be missed by someone as wonderful as Lena.

* * *

She wasn’t trying to be nosy, but when Lena mentioned she had an interview scheduled to discuss her brother’s attempt at murder Kara couldn’t help but be a little intrigued. If there was one thing Lena sucked at it was talking about herself or her feelings, so how she was planning to do an interview alone, not to mention focusing on such a sensitive issue, was beyond Kara’s comprehension and, honestly, a little worrisome.

So, that’s how Kara came to be casually buying a coffee at the quaint coffee shop she liked the least on campus at ten a.m. when she should be sleeping. She tried to listen as she approached, but all she heard was the reporter asking questions. In Kara’s non-biased opinion, he didn’t sound nearly as interested in her answers as he should. All the questions were slanted and his journalism skills clearly needed to be polished, because anyone who met Lena would have an easy time seeing she wasn’t a monster.

Was Lena stand-offish? Yes. A little full of herself? Definitely. Did she drive Kara insane? All the time. But none of that outweighed the fact that Lena Luthor was not cold blooded. She wasn’t her family and nothing pissed Kara off more in the world than the fact that no one around her would give Lena a fair chance.

“With all due respect,” she heard Lena start to reply with a strained, oddly well mannered tone, “my family is torn up over my brother’s mistakes. I can’t condone what he did and don’t know how I could convince Metropolis of that enough. My brother did a sick, twisted thing. I can assure the world that I will not be following in his footsteps.”

“Have you spoken to your brother since he was arrested?”

Kara’s eyes narrowed as she caught eye of the back of cocky boy’s head. As she caught a side view her jaw slightly dropped as she recognized her long lost cousin.

“Are you asking as a journalist, or are you asking because you're you?”

He plastered on a smile, but Kara found herself too annoyed that Clark, of all people, couldn't see Lena for who she truly was. Knowing it was her only existing blood relative that was interviewing Lena with a such a bias made impossible to simply stand back and watch this interview take place.

“Hey, Cuz! Haven't seen you in a while.”

Clark looked up surprised, then to Lena with worry. “I think you have the wrong person. I'm not your cousin.”

Kara was confused for a moment, but she didn’t have much time to be, because Lena was quickly filling the silence.

“Cousins,” she huffed a little. “Well, that certainly explains a lot, doesn’t it? You're his _cousin_. Of course you are. Two plus two really does equal four.”

Kara tilted her head, looking to Lena with confusion. “I told you I had a cousin in Metropolis.”

“Yeah,” she gathered her things, standing up. “You just didn't mention he's the guy my brother tried to kill. I guess I'm not the only one who keeps things to herself, am I?”

She watched Lena storm away, too stunned to rush after her immediately.

“Lex told her my identity,” Clark explained softly, putting a hand on Kara’s shoulder as he broke the news to her. “You just told her you have powers. I tried to save you.”

“We _just_ made up from a fight,” Kara complained, cursing herself in the process and watching a pissed off Lena exit the coffee shop. “I gotta go. It was nice seeing you!”

Clark reached out, grabbing her forearm before she could scanter off. “You're friends with a Luthor?”

She had to keep silent for a moment to stop her blood from boiling.

“She's more than just a Luthor,” Kara told him, not wavering in the least under her cousin’s scrutiny. She shook her head in frustration of no one else being able to see that. “She might have the brains of a Luthor, but she's so much more in character.”

“I thought Lex had pretty great character.”

Kara stared at him with a ferocity she didn't know she was capable of giving out. “I guess I'm a better judge then, aren't I?”

* * *

Once again, Kara was knocking on Lena’s dorm room door. This time when she used her x-ray vision she saw nothing. Lena wasn't inside, which meant she knew Kara would be looking for her and she was choosing the route of avoiding her.

Kara waited until eleven before Lena popped up. When she saw Kara sitting on the hallway floor she turned back around, but it was a little late for that. Kara had heard her coming from a literal mile away.

“We have a month of school left and we signed a lease for an apartment together next year. You can't just not talk to me,” she called out as she began to chase her down the hall.

“I’m not mad enough to not live with you, you put up with all my bullshit too well. I just need space,” she told her honestly, her eyes searching Kara’s for something that Kara couldn’t figure out. She just hoped Lena was finding what she was looking for in them.

“I wanted to tell you.”

“I’m not mad because you didn’t tell me,” she clarified. “I’m mad because you ignored me for _months_ for keeping my sexuality a secret when you had a part of yourself that you were keeping just as secret from me!”

Kara looked around the empty hallways. No one was there this late, but she still didn’t want to have this conversation in a public place. “Can we go to your room for this?”

She put her hands up in the air before letting them plop down at her sides again. “Sure.”

Kara led the way to the dorm room, stepping back and letting Lena be the one to unlock it. When they got in, Lena went to her bed, sitting on it with a straight posture and rigid expression. After a few minutes of nothing being said and tense air, Lena spoke up for them both with a testing tone. “You wanted to come to my room to sit in silence?”

“I know I over reacted when I found out you’re gay,” Kara promised her. “I get it. But how was I supposed to tell you anything about my… powers when your family hates Superman so much?”

“Because I’m not my family!” she cried out with exasperation and a little bit of hurt. “You’re the one who taught me that I am _not_ my family.”

“I know, I know,” she assured her. “Lena, I will go to bat against anyone, any day, anywhere to defend that you aren’t anything like them. But me knowing you aren’t like them and me telling you I’m an alien are two different things.”

“You just - you got so mad at me, you know? You made me feel so guilty over something I shouldn’t have had to feel guilty about,” Lena accused, getting of the bed and beginning to pace around the room. “I trusted you and you made me feel like I betrayed you when I just didn’t feel comfortable exposing a part of myself that had no need to be exposed - a lot like what’s going on with you right now. It’s just - you’re a hypocrite. There’s no other way to put it! You’re a hypocrite, Kara.”

Kara bit her lip with nervousness, feeling the heat radiate from Lena all the way across the room.

“You didn’t need to tell me that you have superpowers, but you didn’t need to get so damn pissed that I didn’t tell you my sexual orientation either.”

There wasn’t a lie there.

“I need space, Kara. I’ll find you when I’m ready.”

“You’ll find me, though?”

Lena looked over at her, holding eye contact with a nod of promise. “I will.”

* * *

There were two days until her last final and Kara hadn’t seen or heard from Lena since they had their fall out three weeks ago. She tried not to think about how badly she wanted to emphasize that she was sorry for not doing what she got mad at Lena for not doing, but she didn’t know how to apologize any more than she already had. All she knew was they were supposed to be living together next year, Lena seemed to have no intent to change that living situation, yet she also seemed to have no intent in ever speaking to her again. To say the least, there were some mixed signals.

Her phone buzzed across the room and Kara let out a deep breath of frustration at the fact that someone was making her get up off the comfort of her bed to go across the room to the desk her and Lucy shared. She sighed, picking it up and furrowing her brows when she read the message from Lena.

_Is Lucy in your room right now?_

Kara looked around as if to confirm she wasn’t there.

_She’s with Winn studying for their comp science class. Why??_

She would say there was a knock on her door within minutes, but that would be an over exaggeration. It couldn’t have been more than forty seconds until there was pounding and Kara saw Lena through the door.

“What the…” she got up, swinging it open and not even bothering to hide her confusion at the sudden visit. When Lena didn’t talk, Kara figured maybe she should. “I didn’t think you wanted to be friends?”

“My mom demanded I have a single room because she thought we were dating,” Lena rushed out nervously, so uncharacteristically that it was unnerving for Kara to hear. “It’s not because of you being a distraction. Or, it is, I guess. She just didn’t want me spending time with you.”

Kara furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, not understanding why Lena was here or why these were her first words to her in almost a month or why she was talking so fast when her voice was usually smooth, calm and collected.

“They thought I liked you,” Lena rushed out in clarification. “They - my mom and brother, I mean - they thought we were secretly doing - whatever, you know? So they didn’t want me spending as much time with you in fear I’d embarrass Luthor name. They viewed you as a threat and didn’t want me hanging around you. Powers or not, you’re considered a threat to them.”

“I-“ Kara cut herself off, unsure of what the correct thing to say to that even was. She had never been viewed as a threat to anyone before and she had certainly never seen Lena stutter and stammer before. “Oh?”

“I’m gay,” she announced confidently, as if Kara didn’t know, as if it was a confession and they hadn’t fought over it for months. She pushed her way into the room, going all the way inside before turning to face Kara again. “I can’t just pretend that I’m not gay.”

“I would _never_ ask you to do that,” Kara promised her something she would swear to Rao on. “I’m okay with you being gay.”

Watching Lena slam a palm to her forehead, made Kara realize she had said the wrong thing. Lena looked at her with desperation, trying to convey a message that Kara just couldn’t understand. She had been cryptic plenty of times, but this was outdoing herself, even on Lena standards.

“I’m _gay_ , Kara. Like, _gay_.”

All she could do was awkwardly laugh at how worked up Lena seemed to be over this. “I know what gay means. I get it. You’re gay. You like girls.”

“I mean that - my mom is cold and stupid, but she’s not blind,” she tried to slowly explaining, but Kara still wasn’t getting it. “You.”

Tilting her head, Kara looked at her blankly. “Me what?”

She groaned, closing her eyes with annoyance and pain. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m trying to tell you something here, Kara!”

“I can see that, you’re just not doing a good job of it,” she quipped back, honestly having zero idea what Lena was trying to get at.

“You,” she repeated. “She’s not blind. I… I guess I like you. Or whatever. It’s stupid. I just… whatever“

She rushed forward and before Kara could comprehend what was happening their lips were attached, Lena’s feeling softer than any boy’s had before. It took a moment to catch her breath and regain composure. Just as Kara was getting ready to react, Lena pulled away with a satisfied, yet also terrified, expression.

“Thanks. I had to see, you know? Test my hypothesis,” she explained it so casually as if it was a simple experiment of testing remote control toy cars to see which could race faster down a street. “I’ll text you about our apartment over break.”

And just like that, she was running out of the door and gone before Kara could process what happened. She stood in the middle room before frowning a little. What had just happened?

* * *

If Lena thought she could leave for summer with that kind of goodbye she had another thought coming. It took a while for Kara to figure out what she was feeling or what she had to say to what Lena had done, but when she did figure it out she was livid. She couldn’t just do that. She just came into her room and randomly kissed her after not talking for God knows how long and then planned to leave for the summer without another word? No, she couldn’t _do_ that.

Kara didn’t knock on the door, purely because it seemed like they were past that by now. She opened Lena’s dorm room to see Lena at her desk and tried not to roll her eyes at the predictably. Lena jumped at the ruckus Kara had made sure to make as she slammed open the door, holding a hand to her chest before quickly averting her gaze elsewhere.

“Lucy said you were leaving today.”

“I am,” she confirmed. “Actually, I missed my train. I’ll probably just fly home. Uh, on a plane, obviously.”

Lena rose one of her perfect eyebrows in amusement. “How else?”

Kara gave her a pointed look, but Lena just chuckled to herself at her new, unspoken, undiscussed knowledge of Kara Danvers.

Regaining control of the situation, Lena scratched the back of her neck. “I thought we said our goodbyes for the summer.”

“Are we friends?” Kara asked her bluntly.

Her voice was so low that Kara almost didn’t pick up on it. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I need to know,” she fought. “If we’re living together next year, I need to know where we stand. You aren’t allowed to just ignore me for months then kiss me then ignore me again. I mean - why would you do that?”

“I don’t know,” Lena repeated with a discouraged sigh, making it clear she was pretty frustrated with herself too. She buried her head in her arms on top of the desk. “I don’t know what that was about, okay? I’m sorry. It’s been a rough semester, between my brother and… _us_. As I said, I needed to see something.”

“What did you need to see?”

It was new to see Lena looking embarrassed. Usually, even if she knew she was in the wrong she was very confident while arguing she was right. She didn’t ever get embarrassed or admit to messing up. She had spent three hours straight explaining an astronomy concept to Kara when Kara knew Lena had realized she was mistaken five minutes into the conversation. She had trouble facing the fact that people were incorrect sometimes. She didn’t get embarrassed, she powered through and fought and persuaded people to see her side - or at least she usually tried to.

Right now, she was just buried in her arms, not showing her face and her heartbeat was going wild.

“Lena?”

She picked her head up, but still refused to look at Kara. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“When you kiss someone you need to talk about it,” Kara explained softly, having a pretty good idea that that was not going to be an easy concept for Lena to grasp.

“I mean… that’s technically not always true.”

That warranted a slight laugh and shake of Kara’s head. “Well, it’s true right now.”

Lena glanced at Kara so quickly that if it weren’t for having superb vision Kara would’ve thought she imagined it.

“I told you everything I had to say,” she mumbled, going back to hiding her face, this time using her hair to mask it from Kara’s side view.

She wanted to comfort her, but she also didn’t want to get too close and have Lena push her away. Still, she also didn’t want to have the conversation while standing in Lena’s doorway.

She let out a deep sigh, moving into the room and taking a hesitant step closer. “You weren’t exactly crystal clear with your words.”

“What part do you need clarification on?”

“For starters, how about we stop treating it like a science experiment and start talking about it like humans,” Kara tried to laugh about it, but failed to make it sound like as much of a joke as she had intended.

Lena just looked at her with sad eyes. “I only know how to talk anything but science. Feelings aren’t my thing.”

Rolling her eyes at the claim, Kara stepped closer and put a hand on Lena’s shoulder as lightly as she could manage, not sure if this was appropriate any longer. When Lena didn’t move the hand away, she let it rest more firmly. “You’re better than you think you are. You want to be emotionless, but you’re not. Stop trying to be so logical all the time and just say what’s on your mind. Please. If not for your sake, then for mine. You’re giving me a headache.”

She let out a small smile at that, reaching a hand across her chest and resting it on top of Kara’s fingers. Lena’s heartbeat slowed at the motion, but Kara’s sped up quicker than ever and she was glad it wasn’t Lena with the freaky superpowers.

“I do, _maybe_ like you. Or have a crush on you, I don’t know, okay? It’s stupid and weird and I don’t like it as much as you don’t, but I just do.”

Kara smiled at the confession, in disbelief that someone like Lena would somehow crush on _her_ of all people. Lena was smart and cool and scared people from her intensity. Kara was just awkward and lanky and more awkward with nothing scary or cool about her. “You’re my best friend, Lena. It’s not a big deal. Crushes happen, okay?”

Lena looked up at her unsurely. “I just want things to go back to how they were before we both screwed everything up and stopped talking.”

Kara nodded, going to sit hunched over on Lena’s bed. “Me too. More than anything. I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anyone, even though you’re right in front of me.”

Taking in a deep breath, Lena got up, only letting it out when she was sitting on the bed, right beside Kara again. “You’re the only person I trust with the world and the only person who I know will always have my back, even when I’m being the worst version of myself. This semester without you has been harder than you know.”

“I think I know,” Kara gave her a sad smile. “We’re really dumb.”

“I mean, I got nearly a perfect score on my SATs, so-“

“You’re still dumb,” Kara interrupted her ego trip with a smile.

Lena laid across the bed and Kara followed suit as they both looked at the ceiling. “I don’t want to be this way with you. You’re my best friend.”

Kara gave a short nod, a smile on her face at the label. “We’re gonna be okay, you know? I really do believe that.”

The bed shifted as Lena changed her position so she could look at Kara. “You’re not going to leave after what I said?”

“I wouldn’t know how to live without you for the rest of my life,” Kara confessed.

Lena smiled, loosening up at that statement. “Are you allowed to fly to see me over summer? Obviously, on a plane, I mean.”

They both laughed a little, but Kara felt truly honored that Lena would even want her to fly to see her. Last summer, even as they left school as semi-friends, Lena hadn’t invited her over once. Now they had spent almost the entire past four and a half months in a fight and Lena was already asking if they’d see each other before next year.

“If I can get by Alex, I’ll be there at least once a week,” she replied firmly.

She turned her head to look at Kara, her voice fragile. “Is that a promise?”

“We have an entire semester of gossip to catch you up on,” Kara pointed out with a grin from ear to ear. “That’ll take at least weekly visits to accomplish. Maybe more.”

When she saw Lena looked reassured, she knew her job was done. “Next year is gonna be better.”

“It will be,” Kara confirmed. “Trust me. I have big plans for you next year, Lena.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to clarify:  
> -the fight is over  
> -kara thinks she's straight at this point in the story (lmao joke's on her)  
> -I'm going to do the next chapter on their summer break, so it won't be their junior year right away


	5. transition to junior year: summer

On the morning of the second Wednesday of their summer break, Lena nearly screamed when there was a knock on her balcony window until she recognized it wasn’t a murderer. She scowled, apparently not appreciating Kara bent over in laughter at the reaction, but it was too funny not to laugh at.

“Scared, much?”

“I wasn't expecting a visitor through that door,” Lena mumbled, rolling her eyes since it was now the proper greeting they had established with each other. “Actually, to be totally honest, I didn't think you'd come at all.”

“And miss the first day you're not in adult meetings and boring business gatherings? Of course I'm here. We gotta keep you young.”

For the first time in so long, much to Kara’s relief, it felt like they were at ease again. Maybe it was being away from campus, maybe it was just having a little more time pass since everything happened or maybe only needing to speak over texts and the occasional FaceTime the past week and a half let the awkwardness die down, but Kara felt comfortable around the girl in front of her for the first time in a while.

“And by keeping me young you mean gossiping about things I care, oh, so much about?”

“There is _so_ much gossip and we both know you love hearing about it,” Kara nodded, her face not matching the sarcastic expression on Lena's.

She might have thought she was joking when she spoke of needing to fill Lena in, but Kara had been dying to talk about their (or maybe more of _her_ ) friends with Lena ever since their fall out. Lena was the one person who she felt truly listened to the funny stories and boy dramas and how James and Winn could be overly annoying. Lena was the person who she felt really cared about what went on in her life, even when the stories were pointless.

“So, where does Alex think you are?” Lena asked. “And why do you need to hide that you’re flying from her, exactly?”

“Alex… She doesn’t like me risking the whole superpower secret. She’s worried I’ll do something stupid and expose myself and is protective, to put it nicely. As for where she thinks I am…” Kara held back a laugh, bringing a hand to her mouth to try and stifle it. “On a vacation with Lucy. I left yesterday, but I made a few stops before coming here.”

“Where did you go?”

“Well, first to a photoshop guy to get pictures that Alex will see straight through and call me out on – I thought she at least deserved the attempt of me trying to document my lie,” Kara explained.

Lena had an amused smile, nodding with all the seriousness in the world. “Of course. Naturally.”

“Then I went to the beach and _then_ I went to the top of a New York skyscraper, just to relax for a little and stuff. I did take some pictures of that if you want to see! The view is amazing. I’ll take you sometime. Then I came here and brought you food from the pit stop I made in Italy.”

It was crazy how much someone could miss a stupid, cocky arching of the eyebrows, but God, Kara did. “So, basically you got hungry and got food for yourself and figured the polite thing to do was get some for me?”

“I brought you food,” Kara grinned.

“And Italy is on the way to my house, how exactly?”

She still had on the smile that Lena always seemed to provoke. “Lena, I brought you _food_. Not only food, but authentic Italian food. What more do you want from me?”

Lena looked to the bag in Kara’s hand, sighing before they both sat down on the extravagantly carpeted floor of Lena’s bedroom.

“How's your summer going?” Kara asked as she handed Lena her meal.

“Oh, just an absolute blast,” Lena remarked dryly, opening it to reveal a pasta dish. “This actually looks pretty good.”

“I know you and I know what you like. You’ll like this,” Kara told her confidently, grabbing her own sandwich. “So, how's your mother? Am I going to meet her?”

“You'd rather get injected with kryptonite,” Lena scoffed, mixing the noodles around. “It is kryptonite, right? Like, you and your cousin are from the same planet?”

“We’re the same species,” Kara confirmed, laughing as Lena made a face at the word.

“Don't make yourself sound more special than you are,” she remarked, her voice flat.

That made Kara’s eyebrows raise with the challenge they always seemed to bring to each other. “Are you saying I'm not special?”

“Oh, you are special. But your powers are hardly the reason why,” Lena quipped back without missing a beat..

Kara smiled at that, forgetting how subtly sweet Lena could be. One moment she could spit insults, but then the next she'd say something so unexpectedly kind that it'd throw Kara off in the best way, making her warm from the inside out and Kara would never get tired of that feeling.

“Too much?” Lena winced.

Kara shook her head, leaning forward. “Not at all. I just missed this.”

“If I had the emotional capacity to miss people, I would've missed you too,” she offered back.

“Yes, because you're so heartless,” Kara got out wryly, rolling her eyes as Lena chuckled at the sarcasm.

A smile was on Lena's face, the lighting making her eyes come alive and her lipstick contrast even more beautifully than normal with her pale skin. She made eye contact with her and there was a spark of absolute happiness in Lena’s eyes that Kara was so damn thrilled to see.

“You still get my jokes,” Lena smiled.

Kara felt herself enjoying the moment more than she had enjoyed the entire last semester of school combined. She happily confirmed that. “I'm probably still the only one, right?”

“You are,” she promised. “I know better than to replace someone like you. I mean, is doing that even possible?”

Pointing at her with a fork, Kara gave a genuine smile, the type that only Lena had a way of bringing out of her with banter and failed sarcasm and remarks that were borderline mean, but incredibly endearing at times. “For my sake, I'm really hoping not.”

* * *

 

“I have a serious question,” Kara flew in through the window, once again giving Lena a near panic attack. “It's serious, though, so you can't laugh.”

Lena only nodded, looking rather pleased by the sudden entrance after she recovered from jumping out of her skin. “Alright.”

“It's serious,” Kara emphasized. “Like, a real question.”

“Wow, must be really serious,” Lena mused dryly.

“It is!” Kara rushed to confirm, but she couldn't help but smile. “Have you ever been in a pool?”

“What's a pool?” Kara's jaw dropped from the shock, but Lena saved her from getting too worked up over the response. “Of _course_ I've been in a pool, idiot. I’m answering a dumb question with a dumb question. There’s a pool in my backyard but we don’t set it up.”

“I knew that was a joke,” she sneered back, despite honestly thinking Lena had been serious for a minute. “Alright, so now that I've confirmed you know what a pool is, suit up. We're going swimming.”

“I don't _swim_ ,” Lena haughtily informed her.

Kara looked back with a hard expression, unsurprised in the least. “I'm shocked by that news. _Really_ , I am.”

“Well, I don’t,” she muttered, opening her laptop.

Walking over, Kara placed a hand on the back of the screen, closing the computer again. “Don't act all princessy on me. We're going swimming. It’s summer.”

“Swimming is gross.”

“Then you’re going to be gross.”

Lena gave her a hard stare, crossing her arms with displeasure. “Where do you plan to go _swimming_?”

“Wherever you want,” Kara instantly threw the ball in her court.

She realized that was a mistake when a smirk appeared on Lena’s face. “I want a rooftop pool overlooking a city.”

Kara ignored her challenging stance and scoffed in response. “Yeah, I can also get you a misdemeanor for trespassing to accompany the fun time in the sun. Rooftop pools have cameras, so I can’t fly there, and you need to pay to get in legally and we aren’t paying that much to go swimming. Let's start small. Like a neighborhood pool?”

“That limits the options by a lot and is certainly not, ’wherever I want.’”

Kara threw her head back with a loud groan of frustration, which caused Lena to toss the laptop aside and hop off her bed to cover Kara's mouth. “My mother is home, quit whining!”

“I still want to meet her.”

“Still not gonna happen,” Lena chimed back in the same tone. “I have a better idea than swimming. Something productive.”

“No one likes being productive,” Kara scowled at the mere idea of it. “I'll hear you out just for fun, though.”

“Reading the news.”

She didn’t miss a beat. She had anticipated a fight and could go on all day. “You know, reading feels really good when it’s on a lawn chair on the deck of a pool in the sun.”

“I’m pale, I’ll get sunburned.”

Kara dug into the backpack she’d been wearing, tossing Lena some sunscreen.

She let out a small smile, once again defeated. “I'm going swimming, aren’t I?”

“I even bought you a suit. I have it in three sizes so you can't use the excuse that it doesn't fit.”

“I wouldn't do that.”

Kara nodded along a little to enthusiastically for it to be taken seriously. “Of course, that was obviously just a joke.”

“I'm the one with misunderstood jokes,” Lena reminded her of their roles.

Kara dug in the backpack again, throwing Lena three identical swimsuits. “You're also the one going swimming today.”

Lena looked to the dark suit, then met Kara's eyes with determination, but it was a useless attempt. Kara knew she had already won the battle. Whether Lena liked it or not, Kara now knew what it took to out-stubborn her and she planned to use that as much as she had to.

* * *

“So, when you said you had big plans for me next year,” Lena brought up as they sat under an air conditioning vent to protect them from the mid-July heat in Lena’s oversized kitchen.

Her mom was in China for something or another, so Kara had stayed the week. It was the best week of Kara’s summer without a doubt. Being with Lena, not doing anything, just _being_ with her, alone for an entire week, just the two of them was all she needed for a complete summer.

“You meant what exactly?” Lena finished, pulling Kara out of her day dream.

Kara simply smiled, knowing it was driving Lena crazy to not know what Kara had planned for the upcoming year, but also not ready to listen to her complaints for the rest of the summer over it. “Don’t you worry about it.”

Lena rolled her eyes, but for once in her life she decided not to argue. “Can I get a hint?”

Staring at the ceiling, Kara squinted as she tried to think of a subtle enough hint that Lena wouldn’t figure it out over - which was hard, considering Lena was a little too intelligent for her own good.

“It’s going to take you out of your comfort zone.”

“Kara, that could be anything,” Lena deadpanned. “I have a pretty small comfort zone. I need a better hint than that.”

To that, Kara just smiled, ignoring Lena’s crossed arms and attempts at intimidation. “If I gave it away it wouldn’t be a hint, now would it?”

“Fucking smartass.”

* * *

Kara landed on the balcony softly, but by now Lena was constantly on edge and waiting for that soft thud, which left Kara disappointed that she could no longer scare her. When her feet were on the ground, Kara walked into the room brushing off her chest.

“You know, I am shocked that I was able to get away almost all summer without Alex knowing I’m seeing you almost every week.”

Her proud grin fell as Lena gave a soft smile, shaking her head. “I know you think you’re being sneaky, but Alex is brilliant. I can almost guarantee you she knows exactly where you are right now.”

“I told her I took the train for a conference here in Metropolis for journalism students,” Kara argued. “Trust me, she has no idea.” Lena nodded in agreement, but it was quite clear to Kara that she didn’t really agree with her at all. “I know my sister better than anyone.”

“I barely know her at all, but I know _you_ quite well, and you suck at lying,” she remained blunt as ever. “Alex knows.”

“I don’t think so. She’s been going along and bringing me to train stations all summer. She wouldn’t do that if she knew.”

It was clear that Lena didn’t believe her, but she nodded anyway. “Good point. She must not know, you’re right.”

“Thank you for pretending to agree,” Kara laughed. “So, do I get to meet your mom today?”

Lena put on that snarky smile, shaking her head. “Kara, give it up. You are _never_ meeting my mother.”

“But we’re best friends,” she said the same argument again. “I want to meet the woman who’s plotting with your brother to kill me.”

For a second she thought the words may have gone too far, that the witty banter may not apply to talking about Lena’s family, but after a while, Lena shook her head. “I will personally kill them if they ever try to kill you.”

“You’d kill your family for hurting me?” Kara tested, pointing out how absurd that was.

Lena didn’t seem to think it was absurd in the least. She shrugged, turning away and looking at her phone as she said the words, acting as if she was saying something as nonchalant as what they should have for dinner. “You’re my family. They’re just the people I grew up with.”

That warm, fuzzy feeling inside was back as Kara’s stomach flipped in circles at the compliment. She never felt as honored as she did when Lena said things like that.

* * *

For the first time all summer, Kara chose to be honest about where she was going, mostly because it had a legitimate reason attached to it.

“I need to go to Metropolis to pick out apartment stuff with Lena,” she announced. “Can you give me a ride to the train station sometime tomorrow.”

Alex looked up with a smile, nodding at the request. “I’m glad you’re finally going to see her. What time does the train leave?”

“There are two that go out, one at eight in the morning and one at noon, so whichever works best,” she shrugged, not really caring because she didn’t plan to honestly take the train. She now had the air route memorized and it was about a hundred times faster.

“I have to be in at work at five tomorrow, can I drop you off at four-thirty?”

Kara almost choked. “In the _morning_?”

Alex shrugged, giving her a testing look. “Take it or leave it.”

So, that’s how she ended up in a car with Alex in all the darkness that four a.m. entailed with Kara whining all the way. “What’s your job again? Only top officials and doctors should be up this early. Do you even sleep? Why are we up before dawn?”

She just laughed again, shrugging her shoulders and repeating what she had said the night before. “Take it or leave it, Kara.”

When they pulled up to the train station Kara unbuckled her seatbelt as Alex turned to her with a straight face. “Have a good flight, okay? It’ll probably be your last one of the summer since you head back to school soon.”

“Thanks,” she smiled, opening the door before shutting it again and going wide eyed when the words dawned on her. “You _know_? Wait, you’ve known I’ve been flying places this whole time?”

“You’ve taken two vacations, had three conferences for school, have slept over at Lucy’s four times, went to visit James twice, God only knows how many other excuses I’ve heard of reasons why you’d be gone all day, or even multiple days at a time, yet last summer all you did was sit in your room,” she listed off with an amused rant. “Of course I knew, Kara. You’re a terrible liar.”

“So, I’ve heard,” she grumbled before furrowing her eyebrows. “So, you made me get up at four in the morning just for fun? Do you even have work or were you just pushing me?”

“I have work, but I am impressed you took it so far,” she laughed.

Kara tilted her head, her voice coming out slow. “You aren’t mad at me for flying? You hate it when I use my powers.”

“But I like when you’re yourself with people,” she told her encouragingly. “As much as I still don’t trust her - and I’m _pissed_ she knows your secret, for the record - you clearly trust her a lot. I’ll have to deal with that.”

“You will,” Kara said firmly, but she wore a smile at Alex’s acceptance. “She makes me feel like I belong. I’ve never felt that way with anyone but you.”

“I know you haven’t. That’s why I didn’t tell you I knew. It’s clear there’s no coming in between you two. Even when you were fighting you would never tell me what it was over and I know how much you love to talk about other people,” she taunted, then returned to being serious and heartfelt. “There was no point in even trying to stop you. I don’t trust her, but right now, until she screws up, she’s good for you. I can’t deny that.”

Kara felt light at hearing that, because she was. Lena was so incredibly good at balancing her out that it was crazy.

“Have fun. I’m not picking you up now that I’m finished with my mind games, though. Fly yourself all the way back home instead of wasting my gas driving.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kara waved off, finally hopping out of the car. “Love you!”

The last thing she heard was Alex laughing before she scrambled off to find a deserted alley a few blocks away to take off in. She flew through Mexico, enjoying the sights of the sunrise on various beaches. She figured that just because Alex had made her wake up early didn’t mean she’d make Lena do the same. Even in Mexico, while she was thinking about Lena she felt right at home.

She couldn’t wait to live with her again for a year. This time they could hopefully enjoy each other the whole year instead of wasting half of it like they had the two years prior. She had no doubt in her mind that they would, because no one knew her better than Lena did at this point - maybe not even Alex. Lena just knew how to handle her, even the worst parts of her.

If Kara was in a mood, Lena knew exactly which flavor ice cream would cure it. She knew what each frustrated grunt meant when she was doing homework and knew when to offer help and when to keep the fact that she was a genius hidden. When Kara was happy she knew exactly how sarcastic to be to maintain it without being too over the top, which Kara knew would be easy for her to do considering she could teach classes in the art of sarcasm. Lena knew how to handle her sad moments and whether Kara needed dry jokes or deep talks to make her feel better. She just knew Kara.

Lena knew almost everything there was to know, and while that scared her, it also made her feel ready to take on the world. She had been on Earth for almost a decade, but she had never felt like it was home until Lena waltzed into her life. She was beginning to learn what the word meant. The past few years, she had gradually accepted that the only person she’d ever truly be able to count on in life was Alex. Now, she wasn’t so sure that was true.

Just in case Lena didn’t feel that same sense of contentment and peace already with her, Kara was determined to make her best friend feel the same way over the next year. She was ready to give her a sense of belonging too. After all, if anyone deserved that feeling, it was Lena Luthor.

She had big plans for her this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for the kudos and kind words you've been leaving. they really make my day!


	6. junior year: pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara forces Lena to socialize and Lena pretends to hate it.

“Alright,” Kara waltzed into their small, but comfortable two bedroom apartment, slamming down a sheet of paper on the counter. “I've made us a schedule for the semester.”

Lena looked up from watching TV on the couch with a quirked eyebrow and testing expression. “The semester hasn't even started yet.”

“Call me prepared,” Kara shot back. “We have a schedule of things we’re doing this year.”

“I don't think we need a schedule, let's just play it by ear.”

Putting a hand on each hip, Kara looked at Lena as she stood in front of the TV. “You don't know _how_ to play things by ear. You're controlling and Type A and if I tried to do that you'd get pissed off or make excuses of how you're unprepared to socialize.” She went to the kitchen, but was back in the literal blink of an eye. “Welcome to the schedule.”

“Socialize?” Lena repeated the only word that really stood out as she stared at the paper Kara was extending to her, not willing to take it. “Wait, so… You made us a _social_ schedule?”

“I did,” Kara smiled smugly. “Get ready to follow it.”

She finally grabbed the paper with a typed agenda. “We’re joining _clubs_? This isn't high school!”

“We’re joining clubs,” Kara sang, smiling a bit at how close Lena was to throwing a true hissy fit over it. “This is your year.”

“ _My_ year?” she once again emphasized Kara’s previous statements. “I don’t want to join clubs! Having it be my year would be staying in this apartment as much as possible.”

Kara just smiled down at her, patting Lena’s shoulder as she walked back into the kitchen. “We’re finding you a life outside of studying. Get ready.”

“I don't want one of those.”

Ignoring Lena’s huffing and annoyed expression and irritated tone and bitchy demeanor all around, Kara chose to keep the amused smile on her face. “Yes, you actually do.”

* * *

Walking into the classroom, Lena turned back around immediately to leave. “No one’s here. What a shame.”

Kara held out a hand, stopping Lena from going any further. “We’re here twenty minutes early, of course they're not. Sit down.”

She rolled her eyes and Kara laughed as she muttered words under her breath that any human wouldn't hear. “I liked it better when we were fighting, god damn.”

“Ah, be that charming when everyone else gets here and you'll be sure to make friends.”

Lena scowled at the sarcasm, slouching in a chair.

“Your posture has gotten so much worse since we've met and I'm so proud of myself for that,” Kara announced, pulling out a family sized bag of chips.

“You have plenty of things you've changed about me and _that's_ the one you're proud of?” Lena asked, sticking an arm into the bag Kara was eating out of.

Kara swatted her away, positioning the chips to be slanted more towards her. “Get your own junk food.”

“Why am I here, again?” Lena brought up for the eighth time in forty-five minutes. “I'm not even a feminist.”

A crumb of a chip ungracefully flew into the air from Kara beginning to laugh. She turned to Lena with tears in her eyes from the joke she clearly wasn't aware she had told. “Oh, Honey, you're a feminist.”

Cue the Lena Luthor famous eye roll and fake tone of displeasure. “Whatever. You’re being annoying. Let's just get this over with. I’d rather be watching your trashy TV shows than doing this and that’s saying a lot.”

“Don’t mention the Kardashians when other people get here,” Kara spoke urgently, now fully serious. “That’s not something I want advertised.”

“I wouldn’t be proud of it either,” Lena hummed. “I completely understand why you wouldn’t want that.”

“I’m going to be a journalist, I basically _have_ to watch it. It’s part of my major, really,” Kara argued the same defense she had told Lena before, but it didn’t sound any more persuasive the second time.

All she could do was watch Lena laugh. “You give me a run for my money.”

“You have enough to spare. You can put up with me.”

“I’m not the heir you think I am!” Lena began to insist the same argument of the past year and a half again. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Until you aren’t a billionaire at the age of twenty.”

Rolling her eyes, she was grumbling again. “You don’t know how much money I have.”

“I know it ends with the word ‘billion,’” Kara didn’t give up, continuing to be just as persistent as her counterpart.

“That’s not true.”

“Did it go up to trillions?” she teased.

Kara laughed at Lena’s eye roll and the glare that accompanied it. “You’re getting on my last nerve.”

The comment didn’t even bother her any more. Actually, it made her feel secure. Lena telling her she was annoying was almost a comment of fondness at this point.

She just shrugged it off with a bright smile and cocky tone. “It’s what I’m good at and you love it.”

* * *

"Time for our third club,” Kara hummed, looking up the room number on the e-mail she had gotten in response to her inquiry on the club, just to double check they were heading the right direction. The last thing she needed was to give Lena an actual excuse to complain by leading them to the wrong place. She complained over absolutely nothing enough, she didn't need a valid reason to allow her to complain more - if that was possible.

“And what club do we have the delight of going to today?”

“I'm not telling you the actual name because you'll make fun of it, which would be insensitive,” Kara got out pointedly. “It's the basically the gay straight alliance.”

Out of all the clubs, this one was the club Kara was expecting the most push back from Lena on and she wasn't disappointed. “I am _not_ going to a GSA.”

“I can see you feel strongly about this,” Kara nodded, linking their arms together with her head held high and continuing to walk through campus. “Doesn't today seem like a great day to challenge anxieties? The sun is out, the trees are swaying–”

“I’m going to punch you,” Lena chimed in.

Kara just shook her head, fully confident that that was both a joke and a useless threat. “Punching me would hurt you, not me.”

“Another thing that would have gone wrong today,” Lena chuckled along. For the first time, Kara heard her legitimately whine. “I don't want to meet other gay people.”

“Scared someone might actually want to know you?”

Lena scoffed at the suggestion. “That'll be the day. I've decided you're a once in a lifetime occurrence. No one can walk into my life that gets me as well as you do. It’s literally impossible.”

Kara once again couldn't breathe for a moment as the words hit her chest. After a few moments, she finally mustered out, “Well, they can try, though.”

“Sorry,” Lena looked down after the awkward silence. “I didn't mean that in a flirty way, I was just saying–”

“I know,” Kara promised, keeping their arms linked when Lena tried to pull away. “It's okay to be nice to me. I'm not weirded out like you clearly think I should be.”

“I would be.”

That earned a laugh. “Well, you're scared off pretty easily. I'm not.”

“This is a stupid idea,” Lena repeated her stance on the club. “I'll be straight the rest of my life just to get out of going to this.”

“Meeting other LGBT students won't be the death of you,” Kara finally walked into a building at the edge of campus. She quieted her voice when the reached more narrow corridors and started going up the stairwell to the second floor. “Be nice.”

“You're not being nice by taking me here,” she threw back.

Unlinking their arms, Kara wrapped one around Lena’s shoulders again. “You always find a way to be a better person than me. Get to work on doing that now, because I'm _selfishly_ forcing you to go.”

“You think I'm kidding, but you're a true monster.”

Kara nodded along, having no doubt Lena was, despite what she was trying to proclaim, kidding. “Call me Mike Wazowski.”

“Who?”

Lena jumped as Kara whipped to face her with a genuinely offended expression. “Are you even a millennial?”

“You know, I've actually been asked that before.”

She didn't know why Lena seemed to be surprised by that, because she had the fashion sense of a grandmother and the humor of a fifty-year-old sociopath. Kara just let the sarcasm speak for her, because it seemed to be their native language with each other. “How shocking.”

* * *

“So, we’re all wondering,” a girl came up to Kara after the third GSA meeting she had taken Lena to. Kara pulled her eyes away from Lena, who was socializing and making friends and talking to people other than her for once. She met eyes with a girl they had met a couple weeks ago at the first meeting they went to. Jess just nodded over to Lena. “What’s up with you and her?”

Looking back at Lena, Kara’s heart fell again at the sight of her with Veronica. She was happy Lena was making friends, of course she was, but she didn’t think she’d feel bitter about it too. The idea of Lena possibly choosing a different person to tell everything to was absolutely terrifying. She wasn’t gay and didn’t want to date, but she also didn’t want anyone else to know Lena as well as she did, which she knew was past the point of unfair.

“I just want her to meet someone.”

Jess just laughed at that, giving a knowing look that made Kara feel oddly exposed. “Coulda fooled me. You look like a jealous girlfriend over here staring. You crushing on her?”

She jumped at the suggestion, her posture going automatically becoming stiff. She began fiddling with the ends of her hair, brushing her fingers through it. “Oh, no! No, not at all. We’re just friends. I’m not gay. I’m straight.”

“Oh,” she smiled politely. “My bad. I didn’t mean to-“

“What didn’t you mean to do?” a cold voice spoke up from behind Kara, a testy tone laced through it. She turned to see Lena there, her arms crossed and green eyes blazing. When they turned to meet Kara’s they still looked glazed over with coolness, but concern instantly seeped into them. “Why do you look uncomfortable?”

Kara rolled her eyes, shaking her head at the idea of her possibly being anything less than comfortable. “I’m not uncomfortable. You’re worrying over nothing.”

“I thought she was gay,” Jess explained politely. “I wasn’t trying to be rude.”

“Assuming someone’s gay sounds pretty rude to me,” Lena shot back icily.

“Excuse her,” Kara tried to laugh at the awkward tension that was suddenly hanging between the three of them. She turned back to her best friend, giving a pointed look. “It’s _fine_. We’re at a club full of gay people, of course she assumed.”

“Next time, don’t,” Lena warned Jess with another glare. “She’s here to support me. Mind your own business and accept that not every girl is gay. She accepts your sexuality, you better learn to accept hers.”

Lena must have been satisfied with that domineering tone, because she sauntered back over to Veronica who now looked nervous.

“Sorry, she’s…” Kara wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to defend her without adding fuel to Jess believing her and Lena were a couple, so she let her words hang in the air.

“I get it. You’re clearly just as protective of her,” she smiled gently, her eyes looking back and forth between Kara and the girl who was now across the room. “It’s probably good you don’t like her, because I think Veronica does. She’s never that flirty.”

Shooting Jess a look out of the corner of her eye, Kara fought back a laugh. “That’s her being flirty?”

“Yeah. As you said about Lena, ‘She’s…’”

She couldn’t stop herself from laughing at that, but her voice came out sad. “Lena could use someone who gets her mannerisms.”

“I guess they have a lot in common,” Jess agreed. “Ron said Lena comes from the same town as her. They went to different private schools, but their families knew each other a long time ago. She said it’s nice with Lena because _she gets the rich lifestyle that you clearly don’t_.”

“Good,” Kara tried to smile at everything that Lena had also told her in the past two weeks, everything that she had tried to dismiss and write off as friendly words. “Lena could use someone like that too. I mean, Veronica is nice, right? She wouldn’t hurt her?”

Jess gave her a look that almost resembled pity before shaking her head and answering the question. “She wouldn’t mess around with her, don’t worry about that. Veronica is a good friend of mine. She’s cool.”

Kara silently nodded at the reassurance, taking a chance to glance in Lena’s direction again. She felt disappointed when she was still engrossed in _Veronica_. “I’m gonna go get some food. I haven’t eaten yet today. See you next week?”

“For sure,” she agreed, her voice still coming out soft. When Kara was beginning to walk towards the door alone, Jess was speaking again. “You’re not gonna tell her you’re going? You seem like a package deal.”

Knowing exactly who _her_ was, Kara shook her head at the sad reality of it, unable to stop that sadness from seeping into her voice. “Tell her I went to the bathroom or something. She needs to spread her wings without me.”

* * *

"So, this whole schedule thing,” Lena brought up out of the blue as they sat on a large patch of grass in early October.

Kara looked up from where her head was resting on Lena’s lap, meeting eyes that were looking down at her. “What about it?”

“Maybe it wasn’t the worst idea you’ve had,” Lena got out through clenched teeth. “I mean, science club was awkward and weird, but the rest of the clubs… I can’t say you were wrong. It’s helped to make friends.”

She gave her a genuine smile, gently patting her cheek again. “That’s all I wanted for you.”

Lena grinned at that. “You’re a good friend.”

“I know,” she laughed. “So, you should buy me a milkshake for being right.”

“We literally just finished lunch three minutes ago,” Lena said, motioning to the trash beside them where their food containers now lied, looking content as ever. She shook her head, speaking with fake scorn. “You have the appetite of a lion.”

“I don’t know why you’re surprised that I’m still hungry. You’ve known me how long?”

“Touché,” Lena laughed, nudging Kara to get off her in response “Who am I to say no? Let’s go get you your sugar fix.”

“That you’ll pay for?” Kara double checked, not wanting to think about the less-than-a-dollar that was in her bank account. The broke college girl stereotype was more than real.

“Even better, my mom’s credit card will,” Lena promised.

That caused Kara to grin, nodding her head as they began walking to Magnificent Malts. Kara flung an arm around Lena’s shoulder again with absolute satisfaction. “That really is even better.”

* * *

Lena walked into their apartment with a look of pride on her face that immediately made Kara tilt her head in curiosity. “What?”

“I was just invited to a party,” she humphed, surprise evident in her voice.

Kara lit up at that, pushing herself up from laying down on the couch and pausing her current binge on Netflix. “What kind of party? I love dressing you up.”

“Oh, I’m not going,” Lena corrected her. “It’s just nice to be invited. It’s Jess’s Halloween bash.”

“You love Jess.”

“But I hate parties,” she quipped. “Besides, I think she only invited me because Veronica wants me there.”

It was hard to not let her face fall at the name. “You two are hitting it off, though. Whenever you talk about her you seem to like her.”

“Yeah, it’s just nice to talk to someone who gets the life of galas and pretentious things that don’t really matter,” she shrugged it off, her voice becoming flat. “Just because it’s nice doesn’t mean I want to go to a stupid party. People are idiots on Halloween.”

She couldn’t argue with that. She slouched back down on the couch and gave Lena her best begging gaze. “You should stay here and drink lots of vodka and eat Tootsie Rolls and pizza - _separately,_ I know chocolate doesn’t go on pizza - with me while we watch Christmas movies.”

“Thank you for assuring me you know Tootsie Rolls aren’t a pizza topping.”

“Well, you were gagging and acting like that’s what I was insinuating!” Kara argued, feeling her cheeks turn red. “Anyway, can we do that? Please? I really want to get in the Christmas mood.”

“Christmas is just as dumb as Halloween,” Lena made sure she clarified before she agreed, “but that sounds like a lot more fun to me. It’s a deal.”

* * *

“What's your story?” Kara listened in on Lena’s private conversation with Veronica. “You know how _I_ ended up here despite money, getting expelled lands you in public universities. You, however, were the golden child. Why are you at this school and not Harvard or somewhere equally prestigious?”

She didn't try to eavesdrop on Lena’s conversations so frequently, it was just hard not to. She wanted to know everything about Lena and her ears were extremely sensitive, so Lena having a personal conversation less than a hundred feet away from her was almost _asking_ her to listen in.

She watched from across the quad, looking over her laptop as Veronica asked Lena questions that Kara had never thought to ask. She was so pissed off that Veronica thought of questions Kara didn't know the answers to and her laptop was evidence of that. Three keys from the keyboard had already cracked under her fingers as she harshly typed her article.

“I got into a lot of great schools, but my mom wanted me to experience public school. I think she honestly just used it as publicity to show my family isn't stuck up and she’s put her daughter in a _measly_ public university instead of an Ivy,” Lena laughed at the idea before quieting a little. “I was actually only supposed to be here for a year. The deal was I'd do it her way for a year, then transfer to MIT to finish my degree. I loved their campus when I visited it my senior year of high school.”

Veronica looked so interested in every word that came out of Lena’s mouth and Kara didn't like it at all. Lena was hers. Kara was the one who was Lena’s best friend, _she_ was the one who would fawn over her. Veronica wasn't allowed to do that and she certainly wasn’t allowed to know that Lena didn’t originally plan to spend all four years here when even _Kara_ hadn’t known that. She couldn’t just swoop in and be Lena’s new best friend, that wasn’t allowed.

Yet it wasn't Kara who was having a hushed conversation with pure green eyes on a sunny fall day. That wasn't Kara at all, which only made her more bitter.

“MIT?” Veronica asked. When Lena nodded, so did she. “Impressive. What made you decide not to transfer?”

She tried to be casual, but her eyes fluttered in Kara's direction who pretended to be engrossed in writing her assignment. “You meet people.”

Kara felt Veronica's eyes follow Lena’s gaze and she wanted to leap into the air at her silent win. She tried not to look overly surprised at this new information of being enough to keep Lena here, at this school, with her. She also tried not to smirk when Veronica suddenly sounded discouraged and disappointed. Then, she tried not to feel guilty for being too selfish to want Lena to wind up with Veronica, to be in a real relationship.

“You really like her, huh?”

Lena ’s voice came out low as she tried to make a joke of it. “I _clearly_ missed the ‘never fall for a straight girl’ memo.”

“You sure she's straight?”

“You don't get to question that,” Lena spat out, her voice instantly harsh. “If she says she is, she is. Kara's the most honest person I know and I don't appreciate you doubting her.”

Veronica held up her hands with innocence. “I was just asking.”

“Sorry,” Lena mumbled. “She's Kara, I get defensive.”

“When you're over her, let me know.”

Lena scrunched her eyebrows, opening her mouth, then dawning realization at what that meant. “ _Oh_?”

“Yeah,” Veronica shrugged. “You're pretty. I'd love to take you out sometime, so when your crush goes away, you know where to find me.”

Kara held her breath, hoping Lena would find something stupid to tell her off for again, but this time it was her who was disappointed.

“I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

* * *

“I think Veronica likes me,” Lena announced as they were sitting in the living room, Kara laying on the couch and Lena sitting on the floor by her waist.

“I don't know if you sound more surprised or distressed over the fact of someone wanting to be with you.”

“I'm not distressed, it's just that no one has ever liked me before,” she explained as she looked to her hands. “What do I do? What do I even say to that?”

“Well, it's not like you like her back,” Kara shrugged, then realized she probably shouldn't sound so confident of that unless she wanted Lena to know she was constantly listening in to what were supposed to be private conversations. “Unless you do?”

“No,” Lena scrunched her nose. “I mean, she's pretty, she's gorgeous, actually, we just… I don't know. I'm waiting for someone to really connect with. The only thing we have in common is being upperclass.”

“She'd be a good date to a gala,” Kara teased.

Frowning, Lena looked up at her with sad eyes. “I don't like galas. I want dates to fun things like festivals and museums.”

“One out of two are fun,” Kara mumbled unenthusiastically.

“You'd like a planetarium,” she pointed out.

Kara lit up at that, a smile instantly gracing her face. “Are you going to take me to a planetarium?”

“I'll take you anywhere you want,” Lena laughed, her eyes sparkling. It was hard to believe they weren't always so bright and full of life. “I'm not here to talk about where we should go for our next weekend trip, though. I'm having a girl crisis. She's a good friend, but I don't want to date her.”

“I've rejected people and kept them as friends,” Kara aimed for reassurance, but when a heavy silence set in she realized her mistake. “I meant me and James.”

Lena forced out a half-hearted grin, bowing her head. “It's fine, Kara.”

She bit her lip, not feeling like it was fine at all. Instead of dwelling on the awkward tension, she opted to change the subject back to vague terms and away from them. “All I'm saying is just because you turn someone down doesn't mean you end the friendship.”

Reaching out her arm, she rested her hand on Lena’s shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“You're too great of a person to settle,” Kara continued solemnly. “Don't do that. It would honestly break my heart to see you not be madly in love with the girl you end up with.”

She didn't say anything, but she leaned further into the couch and rested the top of her head on the side of Kara's stomach and gave her a small smile.

Even though things could be tense and awkward when they discussed these sorts of things, Kara was still glad they did. She was glad that she still got to hear every aspect of Lena's life, even when it hurt them both to talk about. Kara was just still trying to figure out why it hurt _her_ so much to talk about.

* * *

“You’re coming to Thanksgiving with me again, right?” Kara asked hopefully.

Lena frowned, giving a genuinely painful expression. “I want to, but I can’t.”

“You can’t or you need me to twist your arm until you say yes?”

Laughing, Lena shook her head. “I truly can’t. My mom insisted I come home to ‘run some things over with me’ about her investments.”

Kara shook her head in pure disgust and distaste. “You’re twenty-one. You’re not supposed to know how to invest.”

“You are when you’re going to run a business when you graduate,” Lena countered, then wore a sad smile again. “Tell your family I said hello?”

“Of course I will,” she managed to look somewhat okay despite being overly disappointed. She’d spent so much time with Lena the past three months that going without her for four and a half days felt like it’d be a lifetime. “When are you gonna be back here?”

“Probably Sunday morning. I want to be back out of the house as soon as possible,” she muttered. “Do you want me to pick you up from the train station?”

Kara thought it over. Lena had never done that before. The train station was only a five minute walk and right off campus, but seeing Lena right away seemed like a nice idea. “Yeah. I’d love that, actually.”

“Okay, cool,” she nodded. “I’ll be there waiting. Text me what train you take.”

It was such a small gesture and she said it as if it was the most casual, natural thing to offer in the world, but it was a little thing that meant the world. Kara knew she was really lucky to have her. She felt bad for people who didn’t have some sort of Lena in their life. That sounded like a really sad way to live.

* * *

When Kara got off the train, the first person she saw was Lena Luthor with two to-go cups of a hot beverage in her hand despite it being four in the afternoon. When Kara came by, she handed a cup to her before wrapping an arm around her.

“It’s hot chocolate,” Lena informed her. “Seemed like the wintery thing to do, right?”

Even though heat was radiating off the cup, it certainly wasn’t the hot chocolate that was making Kara feel so warm inside.

* * *

She had been staring at Lena for five minutes straight and knew Lena had noticed, but she was doing a great job at not taking the bait. She was on the floor in front of the coffee table and Lena was sitting in an arm chair with her feet flung over the side and all Kara wanted was an arched eyebrow and a “ _Yes, Kara?_ ”, but Lena must have sensed that, because she wasn't providing the needed material.

So, she amped her game, sighing. When that didn't get a reaction she was coughing rapidly, feigning not being able to breathe until Lena looked up with an amused expression and spoke in her usual dry tone.

“Are you going to literally _die_ if I don't start paying attention to you? That’s the path you’re on.”

Kara just gave a cheeky grin, leaning forward and resting her arms on the coffee table. “If that's what it takes, then yes, I'll have to.”

“My God, you are the most melodramatic person I know.”

“I am not!”

“You literally threw a _tantrum_ just because I didn't buy the right flavor ice cream last week. And now you’re about to die from lack of being the center of attention for ten minutes.”

Biting back a laugh at the ice cream memory that was now funny, but certainly wasn’t at the time, Kara held up a hand in defense. “That was a very long day and my lack of comfort food was icing on the cake. You, of all people, know how much food can turn my day around.”

“If that's not the truth,” Lena mumbled, going back to reading the textbook in her lap.

Kara obnoxiously coughed again, going over and sitting on Lena’s stomach while hovering half her weight in the air out of self consciousness of crushing Lena. “I'm trying to ask you something.”

“Are you?” Then, finally, she arched the eyebrow. “ _Yes, Kara_?”

And there it was.

“I want you to spend winter break with me,” she announced.

Lena paused, bookmarking the textbook and placing it to the side. Kara was actually surprised she was giving it any thought at all. “When would work for you?”

“I mean all of it,” she clarified. “Go back for your stupid family Christmas fundraiser, then come with me. It’s not like your mom is going to be warm and fuzzy for Christmas. I want you there with me. Even Alex wants to see you.”

“She told you that?” Lena quizzed with all the skepticism in the world.

Kara gave a sheepish grin, explaining it away hastily. “Body language, Lena.”

That earned a hearty scoff. “You haven't seen her since you went home for Thanksgiving. What body language are you referring to?”

“You don't have a sister, so you don't understand. With sisters you can feel body language from universes away,” she explained, very matter-of-fact about it.

“Really?” Lena played along. “I'll have to take surveys and conduct a study on that claim. Sounds like it could produce unexpected results for you.”

She groaned at the nerdy response that was so Lena-like. “Scientific methods can't prove everything, you know?”

“No, but they can prove most things. Like when you pull shit out of thin air.”

Kara shrugged with a giant smile, looking at her teasingly and smugly. “You don't have a sister, you can't prove I'm wrong.”

Lena's eyes narrowed as she put on the look that was supposed to be intimidating, but had lost its effect months and months ago. “Don't test me. I don't take well to being tested.”

“Oh, I know,” Kara assured her with faux annoyance. “So, will you come? Please? I'm not going to stop bugging you until you say yes, and I can be really, really, _really_ annoying.”

After staring her down for a few seconds, Lena let out a sigh and an eye roll, going back to her textbook. “I know enough to pick my battles with you and this isn't one I can win.”

“You’re right, it’s not. I'll be there to pick you up after the event and we’ll fly to my house after.”

“And by pick up – just clarifying, here – we mean you in a car where you'll then take us to the airport. Correct?”

“Yeah,” Kara gave a quick smile, getting off of Lena’s stomach and walking away. “Something like that.”

“I'm not flying unless it's in a plane, I'll tell you that right now!”

“I know, I know!” Kara chimed from her bedroom, her voice kept loud so Lena could hear. “I understand fully. You need an entire jet to be satisfied, I got it!”

“I'm not joking, Kara!”

She couldn't help but laugh at the annoyed tone coming from her best friend. She'd be there at midnight and they'd fly through the sky and Lena would have to suck it up.

“ _Kara_!”

“I'm looking up plane tickets as we speak!” she yelled back, pulling up the word document for the mass media final she had been working on. “Do you know the best sites for good deals?”

She couldn't help but smile at Lena’s mumbled words. She still wasn't sure if she knew Kara could hear her when she started muttering things under her breath, but either way, they always entertained her nonetheless.

“I swear to God, I'll kill you, Kara. Swear to fucking God.”

That threat didn't scare her anymore. She knew damn well that Lena didn't have the Luthor gene it took to want to kill a Super. She was too good for that. She had the purest heart Kara had ever encountered, even if she did like to pretend she didn’t have one at all some days. It was there and it was golden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is winter break and features a deeply, deeply questioning Kara, so hold tight. the gay is slowly coming.


	7. junior year: winter break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara questions her sexuality because she (shockingly) might not be straight??

The day after the gala, Kara was on Lena’s balcony and reliving all the many times she had been there over the summer. She smiled at Lena bustling around her room, mouthing the words to pop music that Kara probably frequently blasted a little too loudly her back at their apartment - they were also songs that Lena claimed she hated, so Kara enjoyed the sight even more. She was shoving clothes into a suitcase, all of them so neatly folded and it just seemed like such a joyous sight.

Kara knocked on the window and Lena just looked back, waving a hand for her to come in as she turned down the volume.

“I hope that isn’t always unlocked,” Kara chided as she entered. “Anyone can attack you, you’re pretty fragile.”

“I actually have great fighting skills when the fight is fair and not against an alien,” she quipped back, not turning around from sifting through her various shades of grey and black blouses.

Kara rolled her eyes, going to stand beside her and choosing which tops she should bring for her. If she left it up to Lena they’d be here another three hours. “Please. We both know you wouldn’t fight me even if the fight was fair.”

“Of course I wouldn’t, I have no need to beat your ass, I actually like you,” she smirked, meeting Kara’s eyes with that spark in her own again. “I am _so_ ready to get out of Metropolis again. You have no idea.”

“You’ve been back for three days.”

“And have a headache already,” Lena finished, zipping up her suitcase and turning to Kara. “I hate galas. I can’t emphasize that enough.”

“I wouldn’t know if I like them, you’ve never brought me,” Kara reminded her.

Lena just shook her head at the comment, swiftly changing the subject from a conversation they’d had many times of Kara wanting to be included in Lena’s world. “So, you’re sure your family won’t mind me taking over your holidays together?”

“You aren’t taking over, you’re joining us,” Kara corrected her with a pointed expression. “I think Eliza is just glad I’m staying with her instead of Alex. Plus she really loves you or something. It’s weird.”

Lena laughed at the confused tone, her voice sounding rather humored by the comment. “I know, I am _quite_ unloveable.”

“No!” Kara smiled with her, shoving her a little. “You know you’re my favorite person ever. You’re super nice to me most of the time. It’s that you can be mean to people who aren’t me.”

“I’m very nice to your family,” she pointed out. “I want them to like me, so I’m trying be polite. It’s still a work in progress but I’d say I’m doing alright.”

Kara scrunched her eyebrows, peering at Lena with curiosity. “You never care who likes you.”

“But this is your family,” she shrugged it off, turning away to get something across the room.

She tried not to make a big deal out of it considering that Lena was clearly feeling embarrassed by caring about them, but Kara couldn’t find the gesture anything less than heartwarming.

“You care about your family, I care about you, so I care about your family and that they like me,” Lena rambled as she stayed across the room, fiddling through a drawer. After a few seconds she closed it, pulling nothing out and moving to busy herself looking through another drawer, then coming back empty handed and zipping the suitcase. “I’m ready.”

Kara nodded and deciding not to comment on the behavior and instead pulled out her phone. “Let me call the Uber.”

“Really?” Lena perked up. “I didn’t think you were actually going to respect my wishes to take a plane.”

“I’m not,” Kara smiled, dropping the act of pretending to sift through apps. “I’m flying you. Trust me, it’s probably safer than a plane.”

Lena just stared at Kara, then outside, then at Kara again. “I don’t know if I’d go that far.”

“You’ll be fine. I’ll hold you with one arm, your suitcase with the other,” Kara said, not seeing a reason to fear the situation, but it was crystal clear in Lena’s demeanor that she saw a reason.

“You’re going to hold me with one arm? While being in the air?”

“I could hold you with one finger,” Kara all but bragged. “You’re safe with me, Lena. I’ve got you, I promise.”

She visibly relaxed at that, nodding a little. “You’re the only person I trust, so don’t worsen my trust issues.”

“We’re finally fixing them, I wouldn’t dare ruin that.”

Closing her eyes with exasperation, she shook her head. “My mom would kill me if she knew I was agreeing to this.”

“Where is she anyway?”

“Italy.”

“You were going to spend Christmas _alone_?” Kara was suddenly nearly yelling. “How could you have even hesitated to accept coming over? You can’t just spend Christmas _alone_!”

“It wouldn’t be the first,” she pointed out. Kara’s face fell at the new information, prompting Lena to spew out words again. “C’mon. You’ve got a long flight.”

“It wouldn’t be that long if I didn’t have you. I just don’t want to go too fast seeing as you’re already squeamish and we haven’t even taken off.”

The word didn’t seem to sit well with Lena as her expression fell into one of annoyance. “I am hardly squeamish.”

“For my sake we’ll go slow then,” Kara smiled cheekily.

Lena seemed to like that answer, her voice sounding relieved by the decision. “If it makes _you_ feel more comfortable, we should definitely go slow.”

* * *

“Lena!” Kara flinched as Eliza was running out of the kitchen to greet them before the front door had shut. “I was so glad when Kara said you’d be coming back for break.”

“Really?” she couldn’t hide her surprise, looking to Kara unsurely who still couldn’t believe how Lena failed to ever see that it was possible for people to like her. “It’s nice to be here. Thank you for having me.”

“She was going to spend Christmas alone,” Kara practically tattled as she set Lena’s suitcase down beside her.

Lena smiled, seeming to enjoy how much that tidbit of previously omitted information seemed to bother her.

“I’m glad you’re here instead,” Eliza told her warmly. “Alex is upstairs, I’m sure she’ll be down any second.”

“We’ll go find her,” Kara nodded, grabbing Lena’s hand as if it was the most casual gesture in the world and ignoring the way Lena’s eyebrows shot up in response to it as Kara turned to face her with a sharp look. “I told her to be nice, so you better be nice too.”

“I mean it, I want your family to like me,” Lena repeated what she had said less than an hour ago, staring at hands that we’re woven together. “Especially Alex.”

Kara looked at her with more curiosity, doing the head tilt. “Why Alex? No one likes Alex other than me, she’s a little too hardcore.”

“Yeah, relatable,” the black haired girl grinned, then became more serious when Kara’s curious expression didn’t go away. She looked away, staring at her feet as they traveled up the stairs. “You love her. She’s the most important person in your life. I want to get along with the most important person in your life. It’s not a big deal.”

But it was. It was a huge deal to Kara, because she hadn’t met anyone who wanted to get along with people she liked for the mere reason that she liked them. The fact that knowing that Kara adored Alex was enough to persuade Lena to do the same was endearing and sweet and so incredibly captivating.

She wished a boy could show as much interest as Lena. She wanted to date someone exactly like Lena. If Lena were a boy she’d date her in a heartbeat. Because Kara was straight. There was no question, she was definitely straight. Yet, one glimpse of Lena made her feel a way no boy ever had before. That was what she was waiting for in life. She wanted a boy to make her feel the way Lena did.

* * *

“Where’s Alex?” Kara casually asked Eliza. “Feels like I never see her anymore.”

“She said she’d come over tomorrow for the holiday. She’s at work tonight.”

She couldn’t keep her eyes from widening, looking to Lena in disbelief as if she’d have an answer. The only answer was a shrug.

“Who works Christmas Eve?” Kara gawked. “She’s a biomedical engineer, not a doctor. What sort of lab is open on Christmas Eve?”

Lena smiled comfortingly, placing a hand on her knee. “She’ll be here tomorrow. Ask her then.”

* * *

“Ah, if it isn’t my workaholic sister!” Kara chimed from the living room as Alex let herself in the front door at eight a.m. on Christmas morning - the only morning of the year that Kara was up that early without complaints.

She turned with a sarcastic smile to face the two girls on the couch, crossing her arms with what Kara was pretty sure was supposed to display seriousness. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

She laughed, getting up to hug to hug sister as Lena stood out of politeness, staying behind.

“Merry Christmas, Alex,” Kara hummed before teasing her again. “I’m glad you got the day off and could fit us into your busy schedule.”

“Very funny,” she muttered flatly, looking back at Lena who was still just watching awkwardly. “Merry Christmas.”

That made her smile, nodding back to Alex with sincerity. “Merry Christmas.”

* * *

Two days after the holiday, Kara woke up with a start at hearing Alex’s voice getting Lena’s response at four in the morning. She had heard Lena get up a few minutes ago, but she didn’t think Alex would actually talk to her downstairs.

“Why are you up so early?”

“Oh boy,” Kara muttered, jumping to a sitting position on the bed.

Her entire friendship with Lena, the one task she had succeeded in was keeping Lena away from Alex if she wasn’t there to supervise them. At school, she didn’t trust Lena with anyone due to her harsh demeanor at first glance, but at home she would fully trust Lena, it was her sister that had an attitude problem all of the sudden. She x-rayed to see into the kitchen through the floor of her bedroom, deciding to keep an eye on the situation from there considering she did _not_ have the energy to wake up before dawn. God only knew why the two of them were both awake.

“I’m e-mailing my mom, she’s in France for what’s supposedly business.”

“You don’t think it is?” Alex questioned, sounding quite concerned over the matter.

Lena looked back at her with the same hard gaze. “I know my mother.”

Kara knew she should probably get up and go downstairs before Alex asked some sort of offensive question, but she had no doubt that if Lena had to she could rip Alex to shreds. She fully believed that Lena needed no protection, not even against Alex, she just wished Alex would be a little easier so Lena wouldn’t have to.

“And you trust her being a partner in the company?” Alex continued to ask, about two steps away from sounding like it was an interrogation. “Even when she’s doing none of the work?”

“Right now she’s just a financial partner and I have a plan,” Lena hummed to herself. “It’s being handled.”

“A plan?”

“A plan,” she nodded, straightening up and facing away from the laptop and back towards Alex again. “Eventually my mom is gonna screw everything up for herself. It’s bound to happen, she’s too obsessed with my brother and too uninterested in the business not to. And when that day happens, the company will be fully mine. I’ll revitalize it how I wish and have the equity and executive decisions to share between myself and the shareholders. She’ll have no say.”

Alex looked her over with skepticism and Kara knew she was trying to find a flaw, but then she looked away, grabbing her briefcase. “I have to get to work, but that’s actually not a bad plan if it works out.”

“You should tell her,” Lena threw out last minute, prompting Alex to turn around in the family room and wander back to the table Lena was sitting at.

She stood by a chair, looking down at the girl who was staring right back. Lena looked calm as could be, but her heartbeat certainly was not. She kept up the unwavering gaze that Kara knew had to make Alex nervous, because it made _her_ nervous. It was so intense and concerned and heartfelt that even Kara wouldn’t know how to handle it.

“She deserves to know about the DEO, especially if you’re working for them,” Lena put on the low tone that screamed that she meant business and Kara unconsciously tilted her head at it. That low voice was only used when she was gravely serious, but Lena had no way of knowing Alex well enough to be gravely serious over anything in her life.

“What?” But she had waited a little too long for the question to successfully fulfill the act of playing dumb. “What’s the DEO?”

Lena shook her head with a smile that said she found nothing about this amusing and a tone filled with sudden anger and contempt. “Suit yourself. But she really should know. This is going to blow up in your face, not to mention it’s _completely_ unfair to her.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Alex remained blank, but Kara frowned from upstairs at the tell tale signs she was wearing that said she was lying. “I need to go to work.”

“I’m sure,” she nodded firmly, raising her eyebrows and turning back to her laptop. “Tell Director Henshaw I said hello. I’m sure he’s thrilled I’m here where you can keep an eye on me.”

She watched Alex pause, her face lost with various options, but in the end she kept walking out and left Kara on alert upstairs. She suddenly had so many questions.

What was the DEO, why didn’t she know about it and why the _hell_ were they keeping an eye on Lena?

* * *

Kara couldn’t help but laugh at how secretly mad Alex was getting with Lena during their game night. Unbeknownst to both of the Danvers, Lena was somehow good at nearly every board game. Alex always creamed everyone at Trivia Pursuit, but it wasn’t even a close game with Lena there. So, she chose the game she had mastered over the years, but even Monopoly brought on no competition.

“Are you bad at anything you do?”

“She’s bad at philosophy,” Kara found herself teasing.

Lena’s eyes turned into slits, glaring at Kara as if she had betrayed that she was gay, not incapable of caring about the difference between Plato and Aristotle. “You said you’d never tell anyone about that! ”

“She won’t tell anyone,” Kara told her confidently, sitting back as the two people across from her dueled out their raging obsession to win despite all the signs pointing to Lena for the past hour. She ignored her own pounding heart and kept her voice light before she asked the question that was nagging her constantly the past twenty-four hours. “Speaking of secrets, I have a question for you two.”

“Secrets,” Lena muttered. “I love sharing those.”

“You know all my secrets,” Alex shrugged, appearing to be completely transparent.

“I know, I just-“ Kara squinted her eyes, pushing her glasses up her nose. “What’s does DEO stand for?”

Lena looked at Alex expectantly, but Alex just furrowed her eyebrows. “What? Never heard of it.”

“I heard you guys talking about it,” she explained. “The other morning. I was in bed, but you guys woke me up.”

Suddenly, Lena was looking everywhere but at the two other people in the room. She put all her focus into rolling the dice, then looked at the card as if it required all the concentration in the world.

“Lena?” Kara asked knowingly.

“I can’t disclose this information,” she stated, her voice curt and professional.

Feeling amused while annoyed, Kara leaned back with a head tilt. “And why is that?”

“I signed a confidentiality contract with the organization and could be sued if I speak on the matter,” she stated the cop-out smugly, looking to Alex with all the self-satisfaction in the world on her face. “I know someone who has no legal obligations, though.”

Alex pursed her lips so tightly that Kara was getting ready to jump between the two of them. People didn’t test Alex and when they did Alex knew exactly how to react. It was clear that right now Alex had no idea how to handle this.

“You’d be good at chess,” she managed to get out through clenched teeth.

“Checkmate was my favorite word as a kid,” Lena informed them both. “Lex and I played all the time.”

“I bet you did,” she mumbled bitterly.

Kara sat back, crossing her arms. “Alex?”

“I have no idea what she’s going on about,” her sister shrugged off the accusations, speaking as if her jaw wasn’t tight, fists weren’t clenched and heart wasn’t racing.

“You’re lying to me,” she announced, unable to stop herself from sounding hurt. “We don’t lie to each other. Ever.”

“I’m not lying,” Alex continued visibly trying to save her own ass, shooting daggers in Lena’s direction. “I don’t know who she’s been signing contracts with, but it sounds unethical at best.”

“Unethical… great word choice,” Lena shot back maliciously.

“I’m not finding this funny,” Kara told them both bluntly. “At all.”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Kara, I don’t know anything about this.”

That lit something in Lena on fire, because emerald eyes began blazing with rage. “Are you seriously not going to tell her when she asked you directly? It’s _Kara_.”

At this point, Alex was committed to playing dumb. Lena stared at her, but Alex didn’t break down in the slightest, simply putting on an expression of confusion.

“Fine, you can sue me then,” Lena told Alex with an edge that Kara wouldn’t want to mess with. She had never seen Lena so pissed off. “I dare you to try.”

Calling her bluff, Alex shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re going on about, but getting sued sounds like a poor choice if you can prevent it.”

“I’d rather do the right thing than the thing that might save me some money,” Lena tossed out, turning to Kara with a nervousness that Kara hadn’t seen from her in a long while. “It stands for the Department of Extra-Normal Operations. They’re an underground government agency.”

“So, they do what exactly?” Kara asked, trying to keep up her hard exterior but not able to hide her curiosity. “Is that like, ghosts?”

Lena glanced down, but then met her eyes again with a careful expression. “It means aliens. They keep track of alien activity.”

It took a minute for the information to sink in, then it hit her. “ _Me_?”

“You’re one of the many,” Lena broke the news gently. “I only know because they brought me in for questioning after the whole Lex incident.”

“Him attempting to kill Clark,” Alex clarified the down-played version as if Kara wasn’t already aware exactly what Lena’s brother had done. “I still don’t trust you.”

“I don’t trust you either,” Lena admitted for the first time.

Alex looked at Kara, then back to Lena with a protectiveness in her eyes that didn’t need to be there. “You think you know what’s best for her, but you don’t.”

Kara cringed at being talked about while in the room, but knew she had to let the two of them hash out whatever they were hashing out. She was honestly surprised they hadn’t fought earlier than this. They were both hard-headed with very little of a filter on their mouths.

“No, that’s not true at all,” Lena refuted. “I _know_ I can’t be sure of what’s best for her. I know for a fact that I can assume, but I’ll never really _know_. I can fully admit that. But you don’t know what’s best for her either, and you can’t admit that. She’s a big girl, she doesn’t need to be lied to.”

It was the first time anyone had fought with Alex on anything regarding her. Even Eliza usually gave Alex leeway on her comments about Kara. She couldn’t help but feel cozy at the fact that Lena would go to bat for her, because she would certainly go to bat for Lena over and over and over and over again.

“Talk about the DEO all you want,” Alex offered, “Expose me all you want. But at the end of the day, you’re trying to get close to a Kryptonian,” she nodded, giving a presumptuous gaze. “I know someone else with your last name who tried to do that. It didn’t work out well. It’s my job to protect my sister.”

“This isn’t about getting close to a _Kryptonian_ ,” Lena spat out with more venom and malice than Kara had ever seen come out of her. “Kara is the best person I know. I wanted to know her before I knew, I want to know her now. Nothing changed, nothing ever will, and I’m offended you’d even suggest otherwise.” Kara watched in shock as Lena got up. She looked to the board game, then to Alex. “You can win your game. I’m done here.”

When she left, Kara turned back to her sister who only wore a pleading expression, instantly trying to get Kara to understand. “I’m only trying to look out for you. You have to know that.”

“I do, I get that,” she promised. “But going that far just to insult the one person I care about as much as I care about you isn’t the way to look out for me. She didn’t deserve that.”

“Kar-“

She was out of the room before Alex could finish saying her name. She went upstairs to her room to see Lena standing near the window, looking out of it to the bare backyard, only filled with grass, trees and a bush in the corner.

“I’m sorry she said that,” Kara spoke up.

Lena jumped out of her skin again from being sneaked up on, making Kara smile despite the serious situation that was going on. “Stop doing that!”

Kara chuckled a little, going up behind her and putting a hand on her back. “I know that Alex isn’t right.”

“She’s not,” Lena fumed. “She’s not right at all. Not even close. She’s-“

“I know,” Kara promised, wrapping an arm around her waist. “You’re the best person I know too, okay? So, I know.”

She rolled her eyes, putting on a look of disappointment in herself. “I didn’t mean to say all that to her. I just… I wanted her to like me, but I couldn’t just… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up.”

“She needed her ego knocked down a few notches,” Kara tried to lighten the mood.

Lena smiled, but still looked sad. “I don’t want to come between you and your sister.”

“I know you don’t,” Kara sighed against her. “Nothing can come between Alex and I, don’t worry. Not even you.”

She seemed to be oddly reassured by that. “Promise?”

“I promise,” she confirmed confidently. “My life has room for the both of you.”

* * *

New Years Eve was going well. There was no big party Kara had planned for them to go to, much to Lena’s delight, and they were just in her room. They had champagne and Kara had taken way too many candid photos and they were both wearing what Lena made sure Kara knew she thought were incredibly stupid hats. It was calm and relaxing and just the two of them and Kara couldn’t be happier.

Kara had never had tons of friends, but she hadn’t spent New Years Eve alone in her room with one other person before either. She had always gone out with friends from high school or tagged along with Alex. As a kid she spent it with the family. The idea of being cooped up in a bedroom would have sounded sad to her if it were with anyone other than Lena.

Sitting on the floor watching the Times Square celebration on TV with a large array of junk food and her best friend next to her seemed so simple and perfect. Whenever Kara glanced at Lena when she was talking about how long those people must have waited in Times Square for this or saw her mouthing words to Kara’s favorite hit songs everything just seemed like it fit. Everything in her life seemed to fit together perfectly with Lena there, because nothing else seemed to matter except the two of them sitting side by side.

“I would be cold wearing that outfit in ten degree weather,” Lena commented. “Who is that again?”

“My _god_ , do you even go on the internet? How do you not know any of these people?”

“I do go on the internet, but I actually read news, not go on Twitter for pop culture updates,” she retorted flatly.

Kara shook her head, reaching over Lena’s lap to grab the cake they had bought and cutting herself a fourth slice. “You better take some of this if you want a piece or it’s gonna be gone.”

Lena looked at her with such astonishment that Kara felt oddly proud. “Do you know how much I would pay to be able to eat that much and look that way?”

“What way?”

Her best friend rolled her eyes, not hesitating to focus her attention back on the TV again. “Don’t go there, Kara.”

“Go where?”

“You can fake innocence all you want, but I can tell when you are,” Lena laughed as Kara felt her cheeks go red. “I don’t want to make things weird between us by complimenting you all the time. I mean, I will, but I know you don’t feel the same and I don’t want to make you feel awkward. So, if you want me to compliment you just say so.”

“I always want you to compliment me. My goal is to be as cocky as you one day, but to get there my ego needs to be majorly fed,” she grinned.

Lena had another soft smile on as she stared at Kara with adulation radiating from every one of her features. “Let’s just say you look pretty good for someone who eats five thousand calories a day.”

“It’s probably more like ten thousand,” she couldn’t help but point out. “Thank you. You really are a beautiful soul, Lena.”

She rolled her eyes again, shaking her head at the comment. “That’s a big compliment for saying you look good.”

“That wasn’t for complimenting me. It’s because you’re a beautiful soul.”

The room suddenly felt quiet and heavy, but the sight of Lena trying to hide her smile made that awkward tension okay.

A few minutes into their silent watching of the special on TV Alex walked by the door, taking a few steps back after she passed to see them again. Things were still tense when the three of them were together, but they were better. Alex had given a half assed apology to Lena, who had told Kara that she had expected much less than that. Kara and Alex were weird, but not fighting per say. It was just hard to figure out what to tell Alex when it seemed like Alex hadn’t been telling her anything all this time.

“You two are doing _this_ for New Years Eve?”

“We’re lowkey people,” Kara told her with a forkful of cake in her mouth.

Alex rose her eyebrows, looking at the food around them and double checking her previous statement. “It’s your first year being 21 for New Years Eve and you’re both going to sit here? Doing this?”

“We’re lowkey people,” Lena answered this time, exchanging a slight smile with Kara.

“You two need boyfriends,” Alex muttered with a quick shake of the head before walking away.

Kara thought nothing of the offhand comment until Lena was looking at her with confusion. “I need a _boy_ friend? Should I be offended by that?”

“You aren’t the stereotypical gay girl, she probably hasn’t figured it out yet,” Kara shrugged nonchalantly, picking up a two liter of ginger ale and drinking from the bottle.

That seemed to surprise Lena. “She doesn’t know?”

“I don’t think so,” she repeated with the s same nonchalance.

“You didn’t tell her I’m gay?”

“Oh!” Kara suddenly exclaimed as it dawned on her why she was getting a weird look. She had just assumed Lena wouldn’t have wanted her to make a big announcement of it. “Did you want me to tell her? I mean, I _can_ I just didn’t think it mattered if she knew. She never asked and I didn’t think you’d want me just randomly announcing it, so… As I said, I can, I just didn’t know.”

“We weren’t speaking for nearly four months after I came out to you,” she said in slow awe. “What did you tell her we were fighting over?”

“You don’t want to know some of the things I said about you to justify that fight to her,” Kara winced at the memories that she tried to forget at all costs. She didn’t like thinking about how much time she had wasted due to self pride.

“But you had to have told her there was a reason we weren’t friends for an entire semester,” Lena pursued the conversation.

“Yeah, I just said you were being weird… and a few other unkind words,” Kara trailed off. “I was mad.”

Lena just waved the comments away, leaning her head to rest on Kara’s shoulder while Kara tried not to focus on the fact that Lena had never done that without Kara initiating it somehow. She tried to brush it off as a casual gesture, she did it to Lena all the time, but it wasn’t casual. Lena _never_ did that and it brought up so many emotions for her. She wanted to go brag to the whole world that Lena just initiated cuddling with her.

“I like it when we don’t fight better,” Lena said simply. “This has been a good year for us.”

Kara managed to pull her thoughts together enough to tease her. “You try to pick fights a lot for someone who doesn’t like them.”

“And you’re level-headed enough not to take the bait,” she chimed back, looking up to Kara with a smile, her left cheek still pressed against her shoulder. “I’m glad you were so annoying freshman year.”

Kara tried to play it off as if the words didn’t resonate so deeply within her, as if they were just another one of Lena’s playful statements, yet she couldn’t find the words to make a witty comment back. Instead she just smiled at looked back at her, hoping her face showed how much happiness she had within her right now. “Me too.”

As Lena leaned further into her, Kara’s mind was still swirling with thoughts and realizations that she had been trying so hard not to have. Maybe she didn’t need a boy version of Lena. Maybe she just needed Lena.

* * *

“Can we not go back to school and say we did?” Lena muttered as she aggressively shoved things back into her suitcase, one after another, making sure they stayed perfectly folded all the while.

Kara shot her a look, not buying the whole act of woe for a second. “You’re the biggest nerd I know. You love going to classes and we both know it.”

“But there’s the people and the socializing and the partying,” she whined. “Why would anyone put themselves through that?”

“You just listed off the only reasons normal kids go to college, congratulations.” Kara felt like her job was complete upon receiving a scowl. She focused on packing her own clothes as she spoke. “At least you’ll get to see Veronica again.”

The problem with realizing that maybe she just needed Lena was not being able to _stop_ realizing she just needed Lena. The hair and the eyes and the bold lipsticks and the stupid cocky ego… She wanted it all so badly, but also wished it could be with a boy. She was already an alien, she didn’t need to add on anything else that wasn’t included in the societal norm to who she was. Not being straight was fine for Lena, but Kara’s life goal had always been to blend in. Kissing and holding hands with a girl wouldn’t provide that.

“Eh, she’s whatever,” Lena shrugged. “I wish she’d just move on if I’m being completely honest.”

“Really?” Kara turned with surprise. “Why?”

“I just don’t see myself ever liking her back,” Lena got out. “I mean, she’s great, she’s the first girl who’s ever openly had a crush on me, but it’s just hard when you don’t feel the same.”

It had never been hard for Kara to know Lena had a crush on her. She had always felt nothing but honor at the idea. Had she always felt the same?

As if reading her mind, Lena tossed her a casual glance with a shy and knowing smirk. “You probably get it better than anyone.”

But she wasn’t knowing at all. Maybe Lena knew about nearly everything else in life, but not about this, not about how Kara felt.

“Not at all. I’m still in shock that someone like you would even be interested in me,” she told her honestly, trying to leave out all the deep things she was feeling inside. “If anyone has a crush on me, boy or girl, I’d want it to be you.”

Lena threw her back a smile that was as easy-going as her previous glance and Kara wondered if she was as cool with this situation as she acted.

“If I was gay,” Kara got out carefully, hoping she wasn’t overstepping any of the unspoken, definitely unclear boundaries they had in place, “you’d be the first and only girl I’d go to.”

“You’re being weird,” Lena muttered after a few seconds of silence, but she certainly wasn’t acting too upset over it. Her face seemed quite content with the comment. “C’mon. We’re gonna miss our train and I did _not_ like our little flight here. Get a move on.”

It was decided right there as she watched Lena have a small smile, her black hair falling over her shoulder and Kara’s hoodie hanging loosely on her. Kara liked her. She really, really liked her. She just had to decide if that was something worth acting on.


	8. junior year: pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a chapter filled with gay angst
> 
> AKA: Kara keeps questioning her sexuality, finally confronts Lena about it and things go unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really address Alex’s sexuality or relationships in this story just because this isn’t a Sanvers story, so for now I’m just playing it off like Alex has never thought about the possibility that she’s a lesbian and assumes she isn’t. I don’t know, she’s kind of been a background character in this so she doesn’t have a plot related to that, but I felt like people would ask if I didn’t make this disclaimer, so… disclaimer made

At the first club meeting of the spring semester, Jess walked up to Kara with a purpose and what looked like anger, but her tone was surprisingly hushed when she arrived. “Can we talk?”

Looking up from her chair, Kara motioned to the seat beside her, but Jess shook her head. “Not here. Away from your body guard.”

“My – oh,” she understood as she saw Jess look at Lena who was not-so-subtly keeping a close eye on the situation. “Okay, right. Where at? And when?”

“Meet me by the bench on the first floor in, like, ten minutes?” she tossed out the prepared plan as if it was a suggestion, but her face made it quite clear that it was in no way optional.

“You got it,” Kara smiled, looking back to her conversation with the boy beside her, but now unable to focus, only thoughts of what Jess could possibly want on her mind.

Did she know? If she knew, did Lena know? Did Kara just scream bisexual? Did everyone around her secretly know? Why did Jess seem mad it? Wait, did she actually know, though? Was Kara _really_ even bisexual? Maybe this was a phase. She might just be being jumping to conclusions.

Ten minutes later, against her better judgement, Kara was sitting on a bench and waiting for Jess to casually follow her down. Her heartbeat was pounding so hard it hurt, she was so nervous. She heard footsteps and looked up to see the brunette round the corner.

“Thanks for sneaking away,” she looked back behind the corner to make sure there were no followers before turning to Kara again. “We need to talk.”

“This sounds very dramatic,” Kara tried to laugh in order to hide her nerves, but she was never good at turning off her transparency and her discomfort was in plain sight.

“Lena,” Jess said the name.

That took the nerves away from Kara immediately, her voice becoming protective and ready to defend whatever preconception Jess had. “What about her?”

“How do you feel about her and Veronica?”

“Fine,” Kara shrugged, hoping she had become a much better liar over winter break. “Veronica is good for her.”

“She is,” Jess agreed. “Veronica is one of my closest friends.”

She was growing tired of her beating around the bush and wished Lena was here to tell her to cut to the chase, but Kara couldn’t find it in her to be that blunt. “I know.”

“And Lena is yours?”

Kara reached up to fiddle with her glasses, then nodded. “You know she is.”

“Then stop,” she told her abruptly with annoyance. “I’m not gonna say you’re gay, I don’t know anything about you, but you are leading her on if you’re truly straight.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, not sure how Jess knew anything about her, but she was positive she had no right to be talking about her relationship –and by that she meant friendship – with Lena. “What?”

“Veronica likes her,” Jess begged her to understand. “She _really_ likes her. And Lena is so caught up in you and your mixed signals that she will never like anyone back.”

Kara stared straight at her, but wasn’t seeing anything. The feeling of choking was consuming her, because she didn’t know what to do. On one hand, she could see her entire life planned out with Lena as easily as she could breathe. On the other, Lena was a girl and Kara was determined not to be any more different than she already was. But even at twenty-one she knew that she’d never meet a boy that captivated her quite the same way Lena managed to just by walking in the room. She hated that Lena was able to do that. She didn't want to feel this way.

“I’m not sending mixed signals,” Kara managed to get out through the lump in her chest.

“Veronica knows a lot, so I know a lot,” Jess broke the news to her. “You can’t just say some of the things you say. You can’t act like you're into her and then proclaim how straight you are. It’s just not fair.”

Her breathing was heavy due to a mix of anxiety and the intensity of the conversation. She stared at Jess and tried to convince them both. “I’m straight.”

“Then stop,” she nearly ordered. “Plenty of gay girls fall in love with their straight best friends, it’s common, but don’t be one of the straight best friends that lead them on.”

Kara couldn’t speak, she had no words to respond with, so she simply nodded.

“If you are gay, though, or bi or whatever else… you should know that she really likes you. The only personal information Veronica has truly gotten out of Lena that goes beyond a Google search is how she feels about you. She gets you, but she _lets_ you get her. And that’s a thing I know a few girls in the club would love to have. If you’re truly not interested, please, just get her to let someone else in like that too.”

She had so many things to say to that, but about fifty different emotions were floating through her at once, so the right words were too much to figure out.

“I’m not trying to yell at you, it just sucks falling for a straight girl and I don’t know if you realize how hard you’re making it,” Jess pleaded with her to understand, but Kara understood one thing perfectly from this conversation.

The thought of Lena with anyone other than her made her sick to her stomach. Veronica was great, Kara knew that Veronica was a little more snarky than Kara herself was, but Veronica truly could be good for Lena. It was just that Lena was hers. She didn’t want to share her and she most certainly didn’t want to lose her and she definitely wanted to always be the highest title in Lena’s life.

* * *

It was a Friday night, but Kara couldn’t find it in her to go out with their friends, so she didn’t even bother to ask Lena, who was still determined were _only_ Kara’s friends. Instead, they both sat on the oversized couch Lena had bought for them so long ago that had a red stain from Kara spilling pasta and lumpy cushions from overuse.

Kara couldn’t help but stare at the girl beside her. The staring started as her deciding she wanted to figure out what was so alluring about Lena that she couldn't find in a guy, but she wished she hadn’t tried, because now she had reasons upon reasons of why no one would ever mean as much to her as Lena did.

“Staring is rather rude,” Lena remarked. At first she didn’t pull her eyes away from typing something on her phone, but when Kara’s eyes stayed fixated on her Lena’s attention shifted to her. “What?”

Kara shook her head. She wanted to tell her, but also didn’t want to get her hopes up, because while she was slowly becoming okay with the slight possibility that she wasn’t as straight as she had originally thought, she wasn’t ready to bring that up to Lena. If Kara wasn’t straight or decided to be in the closet for the rest of her life, she didn’t want Lena getting her hopes up. Kara refused to be _that_ straight best friend more than anything.

“Do you ever feel like I lead you on?” she found herself asking, despite wanting to talk about anything but her sexuality.

“Oh god,” Lena physically winced at the question. “Do we need to be mushy gushy tonight?”

“No,” Kara laughed, grabbing the remote and pulling up Netflix on the TV. “Let’s just watch a movie.”

She was no longer the one staring. She felt Lena’s eyes stuck to her and tried her best to act like she didn’t need an answer, but Lena must have seen through it. She reached forward, grabbing the remote from Kara and pausing the TV just as the opening credits played.

“No, you don’t lead me on,” she promised softly.

Kara turned to her and was surprised to see Lena maintain eye contact. Usually with tough topics she looked away, but she wasn’t backing down on this.

“Your comments can be flirty sometimes, but I know we’re just friends, okay? Don’t worry about leading me on, I know where we stand. I promise.”

She took a deep breath at the reassurance, because how did Lena know where they stood when even Kara didn’t know? She couldn’t make sense of all this, so she wasn’t sure how Lena was. When she was around Lena, all she wanted to do was spend time with her and when she wasn’t around her all she wanted to do was spend time with her, because no matter how often they were together they were never fully together.

She wanted every part of Lena, but didn’t know what that entailed or how to accomplish being closer. It felt like she had every part of her. She knew everything about her, from how to make her happy all the way down to how to instantly piss her off. She knew Lena inside and out. Yet she still somehow wanted more and didn’t know what that meant.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Kara murmured, trying to convey with words how much she meant it.

Lena put on a fond smile, rolling her eyes in the way Kara had learned to love. “I’m not worried about that in the least. You’re handling this perfectly. I mean, I’d be long gone if roles were reversed. As I said, I can barely handle Veronica crushing on me, never mind my best friend.”

She smiled at that, but didn’t like the reminder that there were girls lining up for Lena. All she had to do was change her mind on Kara and she’d be gone. One day, Lena would meet someone and fall in love and never even remember the crush she had on her best friend during her junior year of college and that thought killed Kara to think about.

And she hated herself for being so damn selfish. She hated that she wanted Lena, but didn’t want her all at the same time. She hated that she couldn’t be as accepting of herself being gay as she was of Lena being gay - as accepting as Lena was of herself. She made everything about being gay look so easy and flawless while Kara was struggling to even breathe having all these thoughts flounder around her mind.

“I feel like I make things weird lately,” Kara admitted.

Lena laughed, either not noticing the tension from Kara or choosing to ignore it. “It can get weird sometimes, sure, but you’re better than anyone at making things unweird just as quickly. Besides, you’ve made things weird for me since the moment I met you. It’s nothing new.”

“I don’t mean to,” she sighed, biting her lip before realizing that might not help the situation. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you don’t mean to,” Lena promised, the same gentle smile and tone in her voice that the conversation started with. She smiled a little, nodding to the TV again. “Can we be done with the feelings talk?”

Kara rolled her eyes, unsure how Lena could take a serious, heavy moment and make it light in the blink of an eye. She’d have to add it on to her newfound list of reasons that made Lena so addicting. “It wasn’t _me_ who pushed the issue.”

“You looked sad, I couldn’t just let you be all mopey and emotional,” she argued. “Mopey Kara is my least favorite version of you.”

“I rarely mope,” Kara defended herself from the claim. “I’m almost never sad. I have insecure moments, but I’d consider myself as happy most of the time.”

Lena agreed at once, that same spark in her eye. “I know. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

Kara stared, unable to stop herself from sounding a little too invested to be saying words as a friend. “I have a lot of favorite things about you too.”

* * *

Kara’s finger hovered over the blue send key on her phone, unsure if she should press it. On one hand, she needed to talk to someone about this. On the other, she wanted to keep everything inside. She eventually sighed, closing her eyes and just pressing her finger down on the screen. When she opened her eyes the text was sent, unable to go back now.

_I need to talk to you ASAP. 911._

Alex replied almost immediately, which surprised Kara considering Alex usually took at least a half hour to reply lately.

_How 911 is 911? Emergency emergency or can I call you tonight?_

She wanted to say it was a true emergency. It _felt_ like a true emergency, that was for sure, but rationally she knew having a crisis about her sexual orientation could probably wait until Alex was off work.

_Tonight is fine. I’m gonna meet you at your apartment. I need to see you._

_Tonight isn’t fine if it’s worth flying home over. My lunch is in 30, wanna get comfort food and I’ll take the afternoon off?_

Kara contemplated it, not sure if she was comfortable with making Alex take half of her work day off, but eventually she decided that maybe it was okay to be self centered for a minute. Her head was a mess and she couldn’t talk about any of this with Lena, so Alex was her next best choice. She might need a full afternoon.

_Sounds good._

* * *

When she walked up to the restaurant Alex was waiting outside. She lit up with relief when she saw Kara, rushing over and giving her a hug. “You look good for someone who was so serious over text.”

Kara just flashed a smile, but she still felt so distant. “I always look good, especially when I know I’m gonna get pizza.”

“Food is the key for you,” Alex nodded, walking into the restaurant and taking off her leather jacket.

She didn’t think it was possible to feel so nervous around Alex. It was Alex. She was the one person who made her calm, yet here Kara was, feeling frazzled as ever. The restaurant felt louder and more anxiety provoking than usual and Kara instantly decided she couldn’t talk about it here. Alex seemed to understand the silent memo considering she never asked about it. They ate the pizza, most of it being consumed by Kara, then Alex was driving and Kara was staring out the window deep in thought about the could-bes between her and Lena. She wondered if these were some of the things Lena thought about when she stared out windows deep in thought, then cursed herself for thinking of her for the billionth time.

As Alex pulled into her apartment parking lot, Kara felt a sense of relief. She thought food was the cure to everything, but right sitting in quiet with Alex in a place she knew so well felt like the most relieving thing.

They were sitting on her couch, the TV not on in the background, their phones not in use. Kara sat and Alex patiently waited, just sitting in close proximity beside her for comfort.

“Do you think I’m gay?” Kara finally asked, her voice coming out croaky and sore and so unsure.

Alex suddenly looked away, for the first time feeling visibly uncomfortable at a question that came from Kara’s mouth. “I - _what_?”

“Lena’s gay,” Kara told her for the first time. “That’s why we were fighting last year. She told me she was gay and I handled it badly - really badly. Then… never mind, it’s dumb. I don’t know why I’m here.”

A hand was on Kara’s knee before she could even try to stand up and leave as she had planned. She looked over to Alex who just gave her a tender look back. “I think we should talk about this. There’s clearly a lot you want to say.”

Kara tore her eyes away, burying her head in her hands with a groan. “This is so awkward and complicated.”

“Complicated? I’m sure. Awkward?” she looked up to see Alex shaking her head with a sort of understanding that managed to calm Kara down a few notches. “You’re the only one feeling awkward about this.”

“I just don’t know what to do,” she sighed.

Alex stared, then asked the question. “Do you think you’re gay because Lena is gay?”

“When Lena told me I didn’t think I was gay. I mean, even when Lena told me she liked me I didn’t think I was gay. But living with her and seeing her all the time and listening to her talk and watching her be so her just made me realize - I don’t know,” Kara rambled on. “I don’t know what this is, because I’ve never felt it before. I feel like I like her, but maybe it’s just how you’re supposed to feel when you have a best friend, I honestly don’t know, I've never had one before. At least, not like this. But she’s just so perfect and yes, arrogant, but also kind and makes me feel things and I hate it! I don’t want to feel this way about a girl, I just - I can’t, right? I mean, I need to blend in. And this is probably just how best friends are, right?”

She never thought she’d see Alex give her an expression filled with so much concern. “Well… I… Are you attracted to her?”

“I don’t know what that is,” Kara confessed, throwing her hands up in frustration. “All I know is I want to be around her all the time and it’s killing me to not tell her about this, because she’s who I want to tell everything to. She just makes me feel better. And I know you don’t trust her, but she gets me, Alex. She gets everything I say and makes it feel normal. When I talk about Krypton or my family before you she listens - like she _really_ listens - then she’ll just respond as if I just told her about my normal childhood on Earth. She gets me. She knows me. I just… I don’t want to date a girl, but what if I never find a boy like Lena?”

“I think-“

“And she’s _Lena_ ,” Kara insisted, continuing her ramble before Alex could start a sentence. “She’s strong and doesn’t need anyone, but I feel like she _wants_ me in her life and that feels so good, you know? No, actually, I _know_ that she wants me in her life, but not because she’s actually said those words - which she has, it’s more because she shows it every day. She says I’m important and, that’s great, it’s nice to hear, but she shows it and she makes me feel… stuff. There’s honestly not even a word I can use to describe how she makes me feel, that’s how much she makes me feel.”

Her sister was silent for a moment, letting those words sink in for them both before her voice came out with caution. “I think you just told me you’re in love with her.”

Kara opened her mouth, but she didn’t know what to say to that. She felt like she was in love with her, it was overwhelming how fond she was of Lena most days. She just didn’t know what to do with all of it. She felt tears intrude her eyes and her vision get blurry with prickling tears. “Even if I’m not _in_ love, I definitely love her more than anything, but I don’t want to feel this way about her. I love that Lena can be authentically herself with her sexuality, but that’s not me. I can’t do that, Alex.”

“Kara,” her sister sighed, going closer and wrapping her arms around her They sat intertwined, letting silence fill the room and Kara’s body shake with crying spells until Alex spoke up again. “We told you you needed to blend in, but we never meant with your feelings. I know I used to be hard on you about blending in with everyone else in high school and got on your case about fitting the normal stereotype, but if this is how you feel it’s something you’re gonna have to stand out with.”

“All the online quizzes say I’m not straight,” Kara admitted, practically whining over it.

Alex let out a small smile. Her words came out slow and compassionate. “I think if you need to take quizzes online to see if you’re gay, it’s safe to say that you’re probably not completely straight.”

She let out a small laugh at that, unable to argue before returning to a somber tone. “What am I supposed to do then?”

“I think the first step is telling Lena,” she offered. “You said she likes you?”

Kara wanted to repeat how she didn’t just say it, she showed it, but instead she chose to simply nod and give a, “Yeah. She does.”

“She’s your best friend,” Alex announced as if Kara wasn’t fully aware of that herself. “You tell each other everything, so what’s so different about this? She told you her feelings and she seems stone cold half the time. It’s time you share yours.”

“And you won’t be disappointed if I date a girl?”

“No.”

“And you won’t be annoyed if I date _Lena_?” Kara tested with a smile, feeling a little more confident from the previous answer.

Alex took a deep breath and looked to the ceiling, getting the words out with all the dismay the world contained. “She might not be as bad of a person as I accused her of being. She did hype you up quite a bit when she was here.”

“Are you saying you were wrong about something and I was right?” she didn’t hesitate to clarify.

Alex just shook her head with a scoff. “Just go tell her. You’re an idiot if you don’t.”

“Kind words in my moment of need,” Kara threw out with playful sarcasm.

The comment caused Alex to stare at her for a moment before she looked away again. “She changed you. You have some wit now. It’s different, but kind of nice.”

Kara smiled at the compliment. She liked the idea of Lena rubbing off on her.

“She really wants you to like her,” Kara told her for the first time. “She gets a lot of anxiety over the fact that you don’t.”

“Does she?” Alex laughed it off, but Kara wasn’t joking this time.

“I’m serious. It’s oddly important to her. She doesn’t care who hates her, but you and Eliza… She cares a lot about your opinions.”

“She really does?” Alex asked in disbelief. “She verbally told you that?”

“Yeah, she tells me things every now and then,” Kara laughed at the incredulousness her sister possessed

Alex let out what sounded like a painful sigh. “If it’s that important to her I guess I’ll try to be nicer.”

“Don’t tell her I told you, though,” Kara instructed. “She’d kill me. She doesn’t like when I talk about her.”

“You _only_ talk about her,” her sister retorted dryly. “Every story that has someone other than you in it stars her.”

“Well, yeah, because apparently I’m in love with her.”

Alex nodded with a small smile, the words seeming to make her happy. “I hope you tell her that soon. Not just me.”

* * *

Telling Lena was the definition of easier said than done. She felt confident with Alex and _really_ confident on the flight home, but the second she reached the front door of their apartment Kara panicked. She walked in and said she was at the library all night, which only made Lena call her lie, prompting her to tell another lie instead of just spitting it out.

She was then going to tell Lena during the Saturday pre-midterm brunch they had planned together, but she got overwhelmed with anxiety again. She was _really_ going to tell her Monday after they both got done with classes, but then Lena seemed stressed for her mid-term that was coming up the next day, so she decided it wasn’t the best time. Then on Friday she was going to, but then Eliza called about Easter plans and asked if Lena was coming, so Kara was wrapped up in planning how to convince Lena to do what she considered to be ‘intruding’ on her family dinner again.

“What’s going on?” Lena asked the second she walked through the door and saw Kara stirring sauce in a pan.

Due to not having a clue at what the question was directed to, Kara gave an honest answer. “I’m making spaghetti.”

“I know what noodles in a pot lead up to,” Lena told her with a blank tone. “That’s not what I asked. What’s going on? With you.”

Kara huffed a little, giving her a keen smile and ignoring the way her heart suddenly couldn’t calm down. “Just because I’m cooking doesn’t mean anything is going on.”

Lena stepped closer and leaned on the counter beside the stove, looking at Kara with a little too much intensity for her liking. “I’m not worried because you’re cooking. That’s just icing on the cake. You’ve been acting weird all week.”

Suddenly, Kara was seeing why Lena didn’t like talking about feelings. This brought nothing but anxiety and the feeling of nausea. In a last attempt to not talk about the matter, Kara just laughed the observation off. “Is that your new word for me? You’ve called me weird at least thirty times in the past two months.”

“Because you’ve been acting weird and it’s gotten weirder by the day,” she pushed, not backing down in the slightest. “What’s going on, Kara? Let me in on this, you’re obviously struggling with something.”

“I’m not struggling, I’m just trying to figure out how to tell you,” Kara sighed, deciding to drop the act that Lena was being ridiculous. Lena knew when she was being ridiculous and when she was spot on, so Kara had no doubt that she knew she was spot on right now and something was wrong.

“Does it have to do with why you flew home a couple weeks ago?” she inquired.

“I told you, I just missed Alex.”

“And I’ve told _you_ about eighty times that you’re a terrible liar,” Lena shot back. “Can you please just talk to me? I don’t like feeling left out of your life.”

It took absolutely everything in Kara not to gawk at Lena’s direct honesty. She had gotten better at talking about herself, they’d made a lot of progress with that, but she had never softened to the point of discussing how certain things made her feel. Kara learned by watching what Lena liked and didn’t like, she never willingly announced it.

Getting wrapped up in the awe that Lena brought her, Kara just blurted the words out. “I have feelings for you.”

Lena froze, still leaning against the counter, but with a now rigid posture. She stared at a spot on the kitchen floor, then shook her head defiantly. “No, you don’t.”

Kara let out an eye roll at Lena’s peculiar confidence on the matter, not hesitating to argue. “ _Yes_ , I do.”

“Well, get rid of them,” Lena demanded. Kara wasn’t sure if she realized how similar her voice sounded to a lost child who didn’t know how to handle first crushes, but the parallels were frightening.

“Lena,” she tried to soothe her. “This is a good thing.”

“No, no it’s not,” Lena got out, her voice containing a panic that Kara understood by now, but still felt bad for causing. “I can’t be in a relationship, Kara.”

She took a deep breath, knowing she had to go back to the mode that she handled all of Lena’s weird social breakdowns with two years ago. This anxiety hadn’t appeared in a while, but Kara wasn’t sure why she hadn’t expected it to begin with. She was offering Lena a way to get even closer. Lena could want that with everything in her, but it didn’t mean she was going to readily accept it and Kara should have expected this. She honestly should have seen it coming from a mile away. She knew by now that the girl in front of her didn’t like feeling closer to people. Or, rather she did, but it was terrifying to her in a way that Kara would never be able to fully comprehend.

Lena had walls. Lots of them. Kara was determined not to let her build them back up with her. Especially not over this.

“You can’t be in a relationship with anyone, or with me?” Kara asked, trying not to sound cocky or presume the answer before it was said.

“You know I mean anyone, this isn’t due to _you_ ,” she was pleading Kara to accept. “I like you. We’ve established that.”

“We have,” Kara agreed, turning off the burner that was under the spaghetti she had forgotten was cooking. “That’s why I’m not letting you give me some dumb excuse of why you can’t be in a relationship.”

Lena closed her eyes, massaging her temples as if someone liking her back was the most stressful thing that had ever happened to her. The saddest thing to Kara is that she knew that that might be the case.

“I can’t let myself date anyone, but _especially_ not you,” she persisted. “I can’t… Kara, you’re my best friend. I can’t lose that. And since when are you into girls?”

“My mind has been a mess lately, sexuality is hard to figure out,” she let out a weak smile. “Lena, I’m not leaving until you give me one good reason why you can’t date anyone. I don’t even care if it’s not me - no, I do care, but I could live if it wasn’t me. I’m not letting you just decide not to be in a relationship when you’ve _told me_ you want one. You said you want a relationship, you said you liked me, what's the problem here?”

Her closed eyes became tighter shut before they shot open, green eyes digging into Kara with a sense of begging to them that Kara hadn’t seen before. “Don’t make me do this.”

“Do what?”

She looked to the ceiling, probably hoping something would swallow her up to escape the ‘mushy gushy conversation’ - as she so eloquently called them. “Kara…”

“I’m not giving you an out,” she stated firmly. “I’ll let you not talk about a lot, but we’re talking about this.”

She shook her head, walking to her room, but Kara was quick to follow. She didn’t get to walk away from a conversation like this.

“I will follow you around and annoy you the rest of your life until you talk to me if that’s what I have to do,” Kara threatened.

Lena sat on her bed, looking up with a smirk. “You don’t already do that?”

“You’ve seen nothing yet,” Kara grinned before going to sit on the end of the queen sized bed, looking to where Lena was positioned near the head of it. Her voice turned somber. “You can’t just not let people in because you don’t want to get hurt.”

“I’m not afraid of getting hurt,” she grumbled.

Kara just leaned forward with a small smile, knowing the only way out of this would be to keep it at least a little light-hearted. “And you say I’m the bad liar.”

She rolled her eyes, repeating it as if that would make it true. “I’m not. Getting hurt doesn’t scare me.”

Swallowing the lump of hesitation that was stuck in her throat, Kara spoke gingerly spoke the truth, getting the words out with caution. “I think it does.”

When Lena looked up at her Kara recognized the guarded expression at once. Words that once came out fierce and confident now sounded timid and unsure. “You don’t know me.”

She wanted to wrap Lena in her arms and tell her what a load of crap that was, but she knew that would only make her more scared of this, more scared of possibly letting someone in enough to be with her, and _god_ did Kara want to be with her.

“I think I know you more than you want me to right now,” she murmured.

Lena put her elbows on her knees, leaned forward and rested her head in the palms of her hands. “Why are you making me do this?”

“I know, I’m awful for wanting to be with you, it’s a flaw,” Kara got out sarcastically.

She briefly received a smile before Lena looked down again. “No one has stuck around for me. You have. You restored my faith that best friends are possible and I can’t lose that, Kara.”

That was the comment that pushed her over the edge as she moved to the top of the bed with her, wrapping her arms around Lena. She was rigid, then tried to pull away, but it would’ve been considered a weak attempt even if Kara was human. If Lena wanted to shove someone off she had proved many times that she could.

“You’re not going to lose me.”

She didn’t say anything, didn’t move, but Kara froze as she felt Lena’s heartbeat get faster and breathing get unsteady. She nearly broke at Lena’s croaky voice. It hit her that she hadn’t seen her cry in person before. She’d heard her through the door sophomore year, but that was as close as she had gotten and she wasn’t exactly sure what fixed things when Lena was crying.

“It sure feels like I am.”

Kara put a hand on her head, holding it to her chest. “Lena-“

“No one has stuck around for me before,” she told her through shallow breaths. “I can’t lose the one person that has, okay? I can’t do that.”

She nodded against her. She knew there were dark parts of Lena that were well hidden, but she didn’t think they’d come out over Kara liking her back. “We don’t have to be in a relationship, okay? We don’t need to do anything with how I feel, it’s okay. I don’t want you to be so upset over it.”

That didn’t seem to make her feel any better. “I want to be with you.”

“I know.”

“I need to adjust to this.”

Kara held her tighter as her body seemed to stop trembling. “I’ll be here always. Relationship or not, no hard feelings. We’re best friends before anything else, okay?”

Lena reached up her hands to wipe her eyes, taking deep breaths to steady herself. “I just need time. I wasn’t expecting… you.”

“I have plenty of that,” Kara promised. “Take all the time you need.”

* * *

“She… _what?_ ” Alex asked after Kara had relayed the story to her. “So, she doesn’t want a relationship? Then why mention her crush to begin with?”

“She’s complicated,” Kara offered, speaking quietly and sitting in the living room so she’d know when Lena got home.

The last thing she needed was for Lena to hear her telling Alex everything. She rarely talked about what Lena wouldn’t want talked about, but this was undeniably bothering her, even though she was trying to say otherwise to Alex. She needed to tell _someone_ and considering Alex had been asking for updates at least once a day she seemed like a good option.

“Clearly,” Alex huffed. “Why - what’s the point in that? She just? She makes no sense to me whatsoever.”

“You hate that you can’t read her,” Kara spoke aloud. “That drives you crazy.”

“It drives me crazier that _you_ seemingly can.”

Kara just laughed, feeling a little better from that statement. “I feel I read her pretty well.”

Alex sighed over the phone, clearly still bitter over the fact that she did not, which only made Kara more content. “Well, what are you reading? I’m reading mixed signals.”

“I’m reading her feeling lost and afraid, so I’ll wait her out,” Kara shrugged. “She got used to the idea of being friends, she’ll get used to this too.”

“That’s optimistic,” her sister muttered.

What she used to consider a bad thing was now considered one of her best qualities and she knew exactly who had helped her realize that. Her voice was proud. “I am. But I know Lena. She’ll warm up.”

“You sure about that?”

“I’m positive,” she said simply.

She could have gone on for hours about how she knew she was right, exactly what Lena said to contribute to that belief and all of Lena’s past incidences that led up to this - for lack of a better word - breakdown of hers, but for Lena’s sake she didn’t. She let Alex doubt her, feeling smug all the while, because she’d come around. Kara had no doubt. She said she needed time, so that’s what she was getting.

* * *

“Spring break is coming up,” Kara hinted. “It’s late this year.”

Lena looked up, nodding at the comment. She had been tense the past week since what happened had happened, but Kara was determined to keep things as normal as possible. Lena could try to push her away at all costs, but that didn’t mean Kara was going to oblige. She could push her way in just as well, if not better, than Lena could push people out.

“It is,” she agreed before turning back to homework.

“You're pretty smart, so I know you know where this conversation is going.”

She didn't look up from writing down equations, but found the time to laugh. “I'm not going home with you.”

“Do we need to have this fight every single break?” Kara asked in exasperation. “You say no, I beg, you say yes. Let's just skip to the part where you agree.”

“Or we can listen to me when I say no,” Lena offered, staying focused on her notebook, but giving Kara a quick glance before looking down again. “Listen to me.”

“You can't just be alone all the time.”

“I can't just join your family either,” she argued. “I've intruded on a Thanksgiving and a Christmas already.”

“We need to hit all the holidays,” she insisted. “Then I'll quit bothering you.”

Lena rolled her eyes, outwardly laughing. “That is bullshit, right there. But I really do have to go on an entire vacation with my mom for appearances.”

Kara tried to analyze her for a lie, but she looked even keel. Apparently she wasn't all that subtle as Lena looking up with faux annoyance.

“I'm not lying. I really do have to go. She's worried she's a bad mom. _Shocker_ , I know. I'll see you right after I get back on campus though.”

Kara’s voice came out on the verge of hurt. “You promise you're not avoiding me?”

“No,” she swore. “I wouldn't have it in me to do that right if I tried.”

* * *

Dinner was almost ready, the ham almost prepared, potatoes almost served when there was a ring of the doorbell. Alex got up muttering profanities, then instantly shut up when the door was opened.

“I'll go get her,” she said to the mystery visitor.

Before Alex was back Kara had picked up on the heartbeat and was passing her in the hall. Lena stood right inside the doorway, looking so uncharacteristically unsure of herself that Kara was actually worried.

“You're here?” she tilted her head to the side.

“You invited me, didn't you?” Lena challenged before looking around self consciously. “Can we go somewhere?”

Kara looked back in the living room and was greeted with a newfound silence. “I would, but dinner is in fifteen minutes.”

“It'll be quick,” she promised, walking out the door again.

Kara wanted to actually laugh at how confident Lena was that she'd follow her, yet she found herself following her until they were sitting on the curb of the street.

“I was in London, you know?” Lena asked with a hint of anger. “I was in London and I was so mad that I couldn't see you.”

“I technically could've flown there quite quickly, you'd be surprised.”

Lena shot her a look, repeating her words with a firmness that told Kara to stop joking. “I was mad that I couldn't see you. And I didn't want to tell you because you'd say _that_ and you have this thing where when you say things you mean them. But then everywhere I went I just wanted you next to me and I wanted to tell all the other rich kids I met about you and I wanted to sit on a stupid ass double decker tour bus with you and I wanted you there with me.”

She didn't have anything to say, only embracing the feeling of blood rising to her cheeks along with honor and admiration of Lena’s growth in the past two and a half years.

“Are you in love with me?” Lena suddenly asked her.

Kara almost choked due to how caught off guard she was. The question was blunt and inappropriate and something only Lena would ask.

“I need to know,” she defended herself before Kara could comment. “Before I say what I want to say, I need to know.”

She was quiet, trying to solve the current dilemma of needing to say something that wouldn't hurt Lena's feelings yet also wouldn't scare her away. Saying she wasn't sounded a whole lot like rejection, but saying she was sounded a hell of a lot like commitment and nothing scared Lena away quite like the sound of commitment.

“I don't know what answer you want to hear,” Kara stated slowly. “You're always terrified of people running, but you're kind of the definition of a runner.”

Lena looked down with a wry smile. “It's an unwanted irony.” When Kara didn't answer, she looked at her with all the depth and honesty that Kara needed, saying the words so genuinely that she was forced to believe her. “I'll never run because you tell me the truth. Okay?”

She was going to point out Lena’s panic attack at the idea of Kara loving her back, but decided that might be a low blow when Lena was clearly already uptight about her feelings again.

“No running?”

Lena nodded, confirming that. “I promise you that there will be no running.”

There were a few seconds of silence until Kara opened her mouth, but sound was delayed as she hesitated. “Yes.”

“Yes as in…”

“Yes, I am in love with you, Lena,” she got out with her eyes glued to the girl beside her. She looked away so Kara was unable to see her expression, her dark hair covering her face from view. “You said no running.”

“No running,” she promised again, looking up with an unexpected smile. “I want to be with you.”

Using the response she'd perfected, Kara nodded and tried to remain neutral, still not confident on what that meant. “I know.”

“And I want to be with you now.”

Kara was shocked to see Lena looking at her with amazement. She wasn't sure how she could even catch Lena's eye, never mind amaze her, but she was glad she did. All she wanted to do was kiss her.

“And I love you,” Lena admitted, sounding so inconvenienced by it. “I hate it, but I do.”

“I know you hate it,” Kara laughed a little.

Lena just gave another eye roll. Kara still wanted to kiss her. “You're annoying.”

“I will have you know that you've _told_ me that I'm–”

She didn't finish, simply feeling Lena's lips against her own. This time she was prepared. She was no longer terrified of being gay. Lena was definitely still terrified to let Kara in even more than she already had, but this meant she was willing to try which was all Kara needed to know.

It wasn't like everyone always swore kissing someone you loved for the first time was like. Sure, there were sparks and tingles and fires, but she didn't really notice that until reflecting after. In the moment all she really felt was the want to stay there, stay with Lena, do this again and again and again. It made her able to pinpoint to the feelings Lena brought and it was loved. Lena just made her feel so loved while also being infatuating herself and the bliss in that allowed Kara to feel at home every time they were together.

It was comfort. It was easy. It was Lena.

“Don't be cocky,” Lena let out a laugh as she pulled away and her lips brushed against Kara’s.

Kara stared, not sure exactly what she was supposed to say after that. “Thank you?”

Lena tilted her head, a smirk on the lips that Kara now couldn't stop staring at. “Did you just thank me for kissing you?”

“I'm thanking you for everything. Kissing me is just a piece of that.”

Kara suddenly sat up straighter and scooted away, causing Lena to be confused, but an expression of realization appeared when Alex whipped open the door. She laughed at the sight of them sitting miles apart on the curb of the driveway. “I see you two are definitely not up to anything. You couldn't be seeing as you're sitting that far away with such proper posture.”

“Be right there, Alex,” Kara looked back with a glare as her sister walked into the house, cracking up at her mediocre sarcasm. She turned back to Lena sheepishly, but Lena was silently laughing as well. “Sorry. She's a nuisance.”

“I like how close you two are,” Lena told her earnestly. Then, her voice turned to taunting. “You talked to her about us, huh?”

“She knows more than you'd be happy with,” she grimaced, but Lena didn't seem overly surprised by that. “Stay for dinner?”

“Will your sister tease me?”

“Obviously. You need it, though, I’ve been taking the brunt of it all for weeks,” Kara pointed out, dead serious on the matter.

Lena smiled. “If I can't have my own family, crashing yours is second best, I guess.”

Kara stood up, extending a hand and pulling Lena up as well. “How'd you get here anyway?”

“Flying. With a plane, though. Gravity effects some of us.”

That earned a slight shove as Lena followed Kara inside. Alex gave a knowing glance despite nothing being confirmed, then, when Lena wasn't looking, she held two thumbs up in question to Kara.

Kara put hers up in response as Alex’s jaw dropped, but when Lena turned from talking to Eliza they both dropped their expressions, trying to be serious again.

“You two are weird,” Lena muttered, sitting on the other side of Kara as Eliza sat beside her at the square table.

“You're on our level, don't flatter yourself,” Alex shot back, her voice a little less edgy than it had been in the past. “I think it's safe to say you're one of us. Deal with it.”

Lena looked down and Kara was nervous that that comment had gone too far, but before she had time to worry too far into it Lena was smiling again. “Being one of you is hardly the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I think I can adjust to that.”

“I hope you can,” Alex remarked before turning to Eliza as if the comment was just another snarky quip. “Can I see the peas? I think Kara has news for you, Mom.”

* * *

“You should stay with me,” Lena announced mid-April in the off campus apartment that had felt more like home to them both than any living situation had before it. “Over the summer, stay here with me.”

Kara looked over to her, acting as if she hadn’t thought of the idea before when in reality she had been waiting for Lena to ask. Admittedly, Lena paid more of the rent and she was the one who paid to extend their lease to a full year instead of it ending in May with the school year, so Kara hadn’t wanted to assume she was wanted in the apartment all summer. She was hoping she was, though. She had been waiting since the beginning of the semester for Lena to throw the idea out.

“You’re not sick of me?” she teased. “You remind me how annoying I am basically every day.”

“Because you annoy me basically every day,” Lena mimicked. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want you around. I _really_ want you around, actually.”

Kara smiled as arms snaked around her waist and a chin rested on her shoulder. She closed her eyes, trying to take in the moment. It was unreal to her that in January Kara was shocked by Lena initiating contact. Now it felt weird if they weren’t pressed together in some way.

“I’ll be here,” Kara turned around to softly kiss her lips. “I can’t just go without you for three months.”

“You can’t,” Lena quickly agreed. “We’re a package deal now, whether you like it or not.”

Until Lena, Kara hadn’t thought it was possible to be so invested in someone. “I love you.”

The words were still as comforting to hear now than they were two weeks ago over their spring break. “I love you too, Kara. More than anyone.”

It was amazing to be able to feel how true those words were. The pure truthfulness in everything Lena said was always evident, even when the truth wasn’t pretty. When the truth was pretty, like right now, that trait was ten times more beautiful.

Somewhere in all the grey areas that their lives consisted of, Kara had fallen in love with the authenticity that Lena brought to the table. She fell in love with Lena harder than ever. There was no ifs, ands or buts, she was just so in love with her. Every piece of her. She was Lena and Kara was in love with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> firstly, I'm hyped to finally watch a new episode tonight and will probably be freaking out on twitter so if anyone wants to discuss it (please come discuss it) with me there. tweet a girl @ queerscheer
> 
> more importantly, next chapter I may or may not have taken a chance and written a sex scene of their first time, which I’ve never done before and I’m kinda insecure about it and unsure if anyone would even want that in this story so lemme know if you want the full scene or just innuendos included in the next chapter.... no but seriously let me know


	9. transition to senior year: summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is 5500 words of fluff including, but not limited to sex and Kara being Lena's favorite distraction over their last summer break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I’m officially changing the rating to mature after this chapter. Hope it’s not cringey.

“Ah, Happy Third Day of Summer!” Kara chimed as she walked into the living room at two in the afternoon.

“First of all, _my_ day is half over,” Lena gave her a pointed, completely unimpressed look regarding her sleeping abilities. “Second of all, are you going to say that every day this entire summer?”

Kara looked over to her with innocence. “Is it annoying you?”

“ _Yes.”_

That just made Kara smile. “Then you bet I am, Princess! It's summer, Lena! No school, no responsibilities _and_ we're together for it all. What’s more exciting than that?”

“You might not have responsibilities, but I do,” Lena remarked dryly, going back to her laptop. “It took every persuasive bone in me to get my mom to let me work for the company from here instead of gallivanting around with her. I can’t fuck it up, so don’t distract me.”

“You’re right,” Kara nodded, walking across the kitchen and into the living room in only her oversized t-shirt and underwear. She wrapped her arms around Lena, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “No distractions.” She moved further down, her lips nearly brushing against her ear as she spoke. “I wouldn’t want that either.”

“Kara,” Lena whined. “No! No, no distractions. Just, no. _No_. Okay?”

“No,” she repeated innocently and accepted the answer, squeezing her girlfriend's shoulder a little as she walked across the apartment and into the fridge, feeling a little more than smug when she felt Lena’s eyes on her when she bent over and her oversized t-shirt was unable to properly cover what it was meant to be covering.

She heard the low voice at once. “ _Kara_.”

“What? You told me you didn’t want me to distract you, so I’m getting,” she looked around the fridge, pulling out the carton, “orange juice. You can do your work over there, I’ll drink my juice over here. No distractions.”

Lena stared at her, then looked back down to her computer as Kara laughed to herself a little at the obvious frustration. It had been four weeks since they had become official. She was good at controlling herself, Kara would say that much about Lena, but the way she looked at Kara told her what words didn’t.

“Have you ever had sex?” Kara found herself pondering as she sat down at the kitchen table.

Looking up, Lena stared, then looked back down again. “Find me on my lunch break for this conversation.”

“It’s two in the afternoon, if you haven’t taken your lunch yet, I really think you should,” she rebuked, not missing a beat. “So…” her voice got quieter, more unsure. “Have you?”

Lena tilted her head towards the ceiling, once again acting as if she wanted to be swallowed up. “We’re going to talk about sex? Now? In the middle of the afternoon? While I’m technically working?”

“No, you’re right,” Kara backed down again.

For the second time, by backing down, Lena stepped forward. She got off the chair, going to sit at the kitchen table. She stopped, looking to an empty chair, then at Kara, then at the chair, then at Kara, then at the chair again. Honestly, there were some quirks to Lena she’d never figure out and Kara had no idea what the purpose of looking back and forth was until Lena stepped forward and sat on Kara’s lap. She looked nervous at the motion and Kara understood instantly. She had been contemplating if this was okay.

As an answer, Kara pulled her down further so that all of Lena’s weight was resting on her lap, then wrapped her arms around her again and pulled her as close as _humanly_ possible. When they were pressed together, Kara looked up with raised, expectant eyebrows. “So?”

“Yes, I have,” Lena told her. “I had a thing. Once.”

“Like, a relationship?”

“Yeah.”

But Lena had made the mistake of hesitating before she spoke and Kara caught on.

“ _You_ had a fuck buddy?”

“No!” she protested. “Just like…”

“Just like a fuck buddy,” Kara couldn’t help herself from fighting a laugh. “I never thought you’d be the type. Lena Luthor… Wow.”

Lena rolled her eyes at the reaction, digging her forehead into Kara’s neck purely to break their eye contact. “It wasn’t a fuck buddy, it was just someone I went to when I was… frustrated with my mother.”

“When was this?” Kara asked, still in slight shock that Lena would ever do anything so promiscuous.

“She’s from Metropolis. We met in high school, then we hooked up a few times more between our freshman and sophomore year of college.”

“Over the summer?” Kara wanted to confirm, unable to stop herself from feeling the tiniest bit disappointed. “The summer you made a Snapchat?”

“Yes, Kara, the summer I made a Snapchat,” she mimicked. “I appreciate how that was the monumental event of that summer for you.”

“I was _very_ proud that I was persistent enough to get you to cave,” she smiled at the memory of bliss.

It was the first time she had ever convinced Lena to do anything against her will. Now it was a common occurrence, but at the time she’d felt on top of the world from Lena downloading a simple app.

“What about you?” Lena broke her moment of reminiscing. “Have you ever had sex?”

She carefully weighed her options, trying to decide how to get out of answering. She suddenly felt young and inexperienced next to Lena who had not only had sex before but had an actual fuck buddy. Kara hadn’t even had sex with a boy never mind a girl, how was she supposed to be prepared for Lena?

“Not with a girl.”

Lena raised her eyebrows and lifted her head up to analyze Kara, narrowing her eyes in the most non-threatening manner possible. “When was your first time with a boy?”

“A while back,” she averted answering the question off with another vague response.

Nodding, Lena went back to digging her forehead into Kara’s neck. “Being a virgin is cute. Don’t worry.”

Kara’s posture became less tense as her lips formed a smile. “You said I’m cute.”

Lena didn’t say anything, but Kara was still quite content.

“You hate the word cute.”

“But you apparently like it and it describes you well,” she smiled, hugging Kara tighter. “I love you. Even if you are innocent as hell.”

She laughed, making both of their bodies move together as hers shook. “You love my innocence.”

“I know, I just told you that.”

Even as she was semi-disappointed from finding out she wouldn't be Lena’s first, Kara felt on top of the world. “So, you love me?”

Lena placed a hand on the back of Kara’s head, softly playing with her hair. “I love you a lot. Okay?”

Kara nodded definitively, soaking up the answer. “That's okay with me.”

* * *

Now that it was known that Lena had a promiscuous side, Kara felt insecure as ever. Not only did she want to meet Lena’s standards but she definitely wanted to be better than Lena's little high school friend, that was for damn sure.

She sighed, glancing at Lena’s computer and deciding to just go for it. She needed to research… and by research she meant watch porn. She needed to watch porn as research of how to please a woman – of how to please _Lena_.

Opening the laptop she typed in the password that Lena didn't know Kara knew. The primary window was of NASDAQ and Kara had never been more disappointed. Leave it to Lena to look at stocks. Of course that's what she did in her free time. Why had she expected anything different?

She opened a new window, but paused at the sight of the outline of a private window for the browser. She knew why _she_ wanted to use a private browser, but why did Lena need to erase her search history?

It was almost an internal conflict, but Kara had enough human tendencies by now that she couldn't just not find out what the window was for. She had to at least check what Lena was watching. If anything it could further her research because she'd know exactly what Lena liked.

She hesitantly clicked the web browser, not believing that it was a simple google search. She looked over the page and couldn't help but laugh at the concerns that Lena obviously had but hadn't wanted to discuss with her and there were multiple tabs about it.

_Do aliens have the same vaginas as humans_

_Human sex with an alien_

_Do aliens orgasm_

_Kryptonian sex organs_

She knew Lena didn't like not knowing things and she knew she'd certainly hate to know Kara knew she turned to _Google_ for these questions instead of simply asking like any girlfriend in their right mind would, but Kara couldn't help but find it touching that Lena was so concerned.

She arranged the windows back on the screen how they were before, deciding maybe she should just use her own computer. Even if it was slow and required getting up off the couch to find it, it was better than the alternative of Lena thinking she was being nosy. She had to find a way to bring up to Lena that she'd seen it that didn't involve Lena walking in on what would have appeared to be Kara snooping – not Kara trying to watch porn on a computer that was faster and in closer proximity to her than her own.

This was new to them, though. Lena might have had her experience with sex, but the concept of dating was new to both of them. Kara knew they shared the fact that they hadn't felt understood enough to date before. That's what Kara loved. She loved exploring this territory with someone who was just as new to it. She loved a lot of things about dating Lena.

She loved that she felt like she belonged somewhere, but she also _loved_ feeling like she knew someone inside and out. It was so reassuring to feel that she could depend on someone to be their authentic self with her. It made her feel trusted. Add on the fact that that someone was Lena Luthor, the girl who trusted no one? That made her feel on top of the world.

Yet despite trusting Kara with the most embarrassing aspects to her, Lena was still afraid to ask Kara if they were sexually compatible. Admittedly, it was reassuring to know that Lena was just as anxious over their first time Kara was, even if it was for completely a different reason.It would be a challenge to figure out how to address her questions, but it was important to talk about. Whether or not it made Lena uncomfortable, if she was worried about sex, it was important to discuss. Or to just get over her fears and do it. One or the other.

* * *

It had been a week and Kara was still trying to figure out how to approach Lena without making it obvious that she had snooped through her computer. She thought of every way to bring it up, but it all came back to the fact that Lena was a defensive person when she felt people didn’t trust her - _especially_ when she felt Kara didn’t.

Two weeks ago Kara had casually asked if she’d told Veronica about the two of them getting together. When Lena had replied that she didn’t mention it yet, Kara asked why, only prompting Lena to explain her reasoning for not telling her yet for the next half an hour due to feeling that Kara was suggesting they were hiding their relationship. Despite Kara’s numerous coaxing that she didn’t mean anything by it, Lena didn’t stop the rant.

“What are you thinking about?” Lena broke Kara out of her trance, causing her to look up to the raven hair and green eyes.

“Huh?”

“You look really deep in thought,” she explained. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

It was such a little thing, but Kara really had to work to hide the smile upon hearing such a casual question as, ‘What’s up?’ escape Lena’s mouth.

“I’m good,” she promised, crawling up to Lena’s lap and placing her thighs on each side of her hips, wrapping her legs around Lena’s body. “Are you good?”

Kara couldn’t miss the quick glance Lena made to her lips before nodding in a daze. “I’m pretty good.”

When eyes fluttered down to Kara’s lips again that was all it took to know that now was the time. Lena was either going to have sex with her tonight or they were going to discuss it all, because she wasn’t sure how much longer she could wait for the perfect time.

“Yeah?” Kara got closer, kissing Lena’s jaw and smiled when she felt Lena jolt at the action. “You sure? You seem a little… tense.”

“Are you trying to seduce me, Kara?” she whispered shakily as Kara moved her hands to the back of Lena’s head.

As an answer, she leaned in, kissing her softly until Lena gave in, until she showed she wanted more. When they were steadily making out, Kara took one of the hands that was behind Lena’s head and moved it to slip under the hem of Lena’s pants.

That only caused Lena to pull away and Kara to let out a soft groan. “You must really like making out, otherwise I suck at turning you on or you just secretly really hate sex.”

Lena let out a small laugh at comment, her voice still husky with desire. “You turn me on, don’t you worry about that.”

Deciding now was as good of a time as any to play dumb, Kara tilted her head to the side with furrowed eyebrows. “What’s wrong then? You seem unsure and _I’m_ supposed to be the unsure one. I’m a virgin, remember?”

“Oh, I remember,” Lena smirked before growing serious again. “I’m just nervous about a few things. I don’t want to mess up with you.”

“Things with me?” Kara implored further, fully ready to push the matter so they could move past this hurdle. “What sorts of things?”

“I mean…” Lena shrugged it off. “I’ll figure it out. I’m just - I’ve never done it with anyone except for the girl in high school, so I’ve certainly never done it with an alien and…”

“It works the same,” Kara answered the unspoken question gently, figuring that was as close as Lena would come to outright asking. “I have the same parts, do the same things, I’m human in that aspect. I might break this couch if we have sex, so there’s no promises on that, but there’s nothing special about my vagina if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So… you’re basically a complete human down there?”

Kara laughed at how absolutely unsexy the words were. “Yes, I assure you there will be no surprises.”

She took a deep breath at that, nodding with satisfaction. “Okay then.”

“Okay,” Kara smiled at Lena’s firm nod.

“Okay,” she grinned back. “So, are you serious about the couch thing?”

“There’s an Ikea right around the corner, don’t worry. I looked it up,” Kara promised, her words getting softer as she leaned closer to Lena’s ear.

When she was close enough to Lena’s skin for her nose to nearly be touching it, she leaned down to her neck, planting soft kisses. “So, are we having sex?”

“I - I want to,” she stuttered as Kara moved and gnawed at her ear lobe. “If you want to.”

This time, Lena wasn’t acting unsure of where to put her hands. Planting them on Kara’s ass she pulled her closer and Kara let her, pressing her body even firmer against Lena’s than it already was.

Kara once again slipped a hand down under Lena’s pants, finally getting into it, but Lena assertively wrapped her fingers around Kara’s wrist and took her hand back out _again_. Kara was getting ready to groan out of anything but pleasure until Lena was rapidly pulling off Kara’s shirt and unclasping her bra.

When they were both off she let out a nod. “Now you can seduce me.”

“No, no, no, that’s _not_ how we work,” Kara told her immediately. “If I’m topless, you’re going to be topless. Fair is fair.”

With a shrug, Lena didn’t break eye contact, just pulling the shirt off in one swift motion. Kara’s eyebrows raised at once. “You weren’t wearing a bra.”

“Would you like me to put one on?” she challenged.

Kara shook her head, moving her head down to suck on Lena’s nipple and slipping another hand down Lena’s pants. She felt a hand go down the back of her own pants leading to one of Lena’s hands resting on Kara’s ass and the other squeezing her boob with desire. She felt warm lips hit her own neck and had to stop sucking on Lena from the pure ecstasy of the feeling. If that was already setting her off she could only imagine how she’d react when fingers were inside her.

“What’s wrong? Can’t take what you dish?” Lena whispered in Kara’s ears at the reaction. “Just wait until I’m eating you out.”

“Fuck,” she gasped as Lena moved down to her breasts. “Oh my god.”

“Get up. I need your pants off,” Lena nearly ordered.

When Kara was up Lena took off her own, once again her movements quick and graceful as ever. Kara decided to stop worrying about seeming to be human and start using her superpowers for good, nearly ripping of her pants in the process. She picked Lena up effortlessly, flipping their positions so that Lena was the one on top.

“You sure you don’t want to go to the bedroom?” Lena asked.

“And break the bed?” Kara retorted. “You’d kill me. At least you already hate this couch.”

“I’d rather your first time be on a bed,” Lena told her earnestly. “C’mon. I’ll buy us a new one in the morning.”

That was all it took for Kara to have Lena in her arms again, carrying her to the bedroom as Lena started back on her neck. When they were on the bed, she instantly reached down to stroke between Kara’s slit, looking quite pleased with herself when she did.

“Well _someone_ is wet.”

“Are we gonna talk about it or do something about it?” Kara shot out, surprising them both.

Lena’s eyes narrowed a little, clearly amused as her voice nearly sang. “Has Kara Danvers been watching porn? I didn’t know you had that sort of attitude in you.”

Kara’s hips bucked as Lena leaned down to place kisses on her labia, gently sucking as she did so. It wasn’t long before she felt fingers slipping into her vagina and she let out a small moan as Lena’s fingers found their way down to her clit. She smiled as Kara leaned her head back, letting out more moans of pleasure and cracking the headboard when she reached up to latch on.

“Is this okay?” Lena teased at the mess Kara was making, both from the headboard and on the sheets.

Her only response was a more elongated moan as Kara closed her eyes, grinding against her fingers.

“If you like that, you’ll love this,” Lena practically purred.

She leaned her head further down and began licking Kara’s clit as she increased the speed of her fingering. A few seconds of that was all it took to push Kara over the edge, her pussy tightening around Lena’s fingers as let out a groan of pleasure, her muscles clenching as the orgasm took over. 

“Oh my god,” Kara finally gasped. “Holy shit.”

“Your mouth gets dirty during sex,” Lena smirked. “I like it.”

Kara eyed her up and down, switching their positions at top speed. “You look so smug right now.”

“I am pretty smug.” She lifted her fingers up that were still wet from being inside of Kara as proof. “I think I have good reason to be, don’t you?”

“We’ll see how you feel when you’re begging for me to let you cum,” Kara tossed out.

Lena narrowed her eyes at the remark. “You wouldn’t make me beg.”

“We’ll see,” she gave a smirk of her own as she leaned down, going right to business.

With one hand massaging Lena’s boobs, she dug her head into Lena’s pussy, licking up and down before inserting her fingers and establishing a rhythm.

“Looks like I wasn’t the only one who was wet.”

“Kara, please, we can talk about that later,” Lena breathed out heavily, only causing Kara to grin and get back to work.

She thought of being nice, but decided she'd rather not. Right when she assumed Lena was on edge she pulled her head away and stopped her fingers, causing Lena to let out a groan of absolute frustration. Kara just smirked at the whole ordeal. “Are you still smug?”

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Lena groaned, her hips still moving as she tried to finish the job. “Kara, I swear-“

“Don’t be so cocky,” Kara warned her, circling her nipple with one finger, waiting a few seconds before putting her head back between her thighs. “Remember that power goes both ways.”

As her tongue collided with Lena’s clit again Lena started breathing heavier than Kara thought possible, her hands wrapping themselves behind Kara’s head and pulling her closer until she finally climaxed. When she did Kara made a show of cleaning her out before crawling back up the bed to lay by her side.

Lena continued to catch her breath before she spoke, her words still shaky. “I don’t know how many videos you had to watch in order to do _that_ your first time… but thank you.”

Kara didn’t know it was possible to feel so on top of the world. Flying had nothing on this.

* * *

“I feel like people can tell,” Kara repeated anxiously for the third time as they walked through their college town. “I feel like they can look at me and know we had sex last night.”

“They’ll definitely be able to tell if you don’t lower your voice,” Lena warned again, trying to quiet her down for both their sakes. “Kara, It’s not a big deal. People have sex all the time.”

“I mean, I can see why,” she muttered, her eyes glazing over merely from the memories of last night. “That was incredible.”

Lena smiled, reaching down and holding her hand in hers, their bodies close together as they walked side by side. “It was quite impressive to m too. I knew it’d be special, but that exceeded expectations by far. I don’t know if it’s the superpowers or your ‘studying’ of porn,” she mocked, “but whatever it was paid off because I want to do that again and again and again.”

Kara felt her cheeks turn red at the compliment as she looked away with a proud smile. “It wouldn’t be the _worst_ thing in the world to do it again.”

“You want to too,” Lena pressed, then turned overly smug and nonchalant. “But if you don’t want to, I guess we don’t have to. I have other ways to… relieve myself.“

Pressing her lips together, Kara knew Lena had won the battle. Kara couldn’t even pretend at this point. “I _guess_ we can do it again. For your sake.”

“Oh, no,” she continued to taunt her. “I wouldn’t want to force you into doing something you don’t want to do. That’d be cruel - and illegal, on that note. Besides, pleasure goes both ways, so if you didn’t enjoy it, there’s no need.”

She let out a defeated breath of air, shaking her head. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“So, you wanna do it again sometime?”

Kara repositioned them so that her arm was snaked around Lena’s waist and vice versa, letting them continue to walk down the sidewalk. “ _Yes_ , I’d like to do it again.”

“Good,” Lena hummed. “I can pay you back for being an asshole.”

“What?” Kara’s jaw dropped.

Lena just laughed, leaning in closer to quiet her voice despite no one currently being near by. “You don’t pull away right before I’m about to cum.”

She burst into a laugh of her own. When Kara finally got a handle on herself, she pulled her girlfriend closer. “You liked that.”

“It was kind of hot,” she admitted, “but let’s not make it a regular thing.”

* * *

Kara waltzed into the kitchen with the extra light steps she had seemed to be taking lately, going straight to Lena and shutting the laptop. That only caused her to receive an extremely annoyed look, but she couldn’t find it in her to feel guilty.

“Remember the talk we had before summer started about if you stayed here you couldn’t distract me?” Lena asked sardonically. “You’ve been doing an _awful_ job with that. Every damn minute you need something.”

She wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck, resting her head on Lena’s shoulders briefly before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “That’s because I have a lot of questions and _you_ are the smartest person I know, so who better to ask?”

Lena smiled at that, turning to face Kara with suspicion. “Someone is complimentary today. What are you going to ask me to do that I won’t want to do?”

“Something fun.”

She watched Lena play along as she let out an overdramatic frown. “I hate fun.”

“I know, I know,” Kara promised. “I want to take a day trip together.”

Lena sat still as she processed the words before slowly nodding. “And by day trip we mean a normal day trip. Like, in a car, driving to a beach and having a picnic, not _your_ day trips to Japan, correct?”

“Sure,” Kara smiled cheekily, having an entirely different plan that involved flying across an ocean. “Let’s just skip the driving part and fly to the beach, though. You know, to be faster.”

“So I can end up on a beach in _Spain_ or somewhere equally as far? I don’t think so. I know you and don’t trust you to fly me to an agreed upon location that’s well within driving distance. If we do that I’ll wind up in another country without a doubt.”

“Just out of curiosity, how’s your Portugese?”

“Well, considering I’ve never learned a word of the language in my life, probably not great,” Lena threw back, using the same chipper tone Kara had used.

Kara pulled Lena’s chair out from the table so she had room to sit on her lap. “When can you take a day off?”

“When are you busy, I’ll try to coordinate it with that,” she remarked flatly.

“I was trying to be nice about forcing you out of the country, but fine, I’ll be bossy,” Kara articulated. “Next Friday. Me and you. Brazil. Be ready to go at nine.”

“If you push it off another weekend I’ll spend the entire three days there and finish out the weekend,” Lena bargained. “I have a meeting next Friday that I can’t get out of.”

That made Kara light up as she kissed Lena’s forehead and stood up from her lap. “Pleasure doing business with you. I’ll be back in an hour to make sure you don’t get too engrossed in any projects.”

“Concentrating on my job? With you in the apartment?” Lena shook her head mockingly as Kara made a face. “That’ll never happen. I’ve adjusted my days to contain less of a workload purely because the only thing you seem to do well by yourself is figure out ways to distract me.”

Kara put a hand on her heart, blinking rapidly in the same mocking manner Lena gave her. “You know me so well. That’s all I think about.”

“ _Goodbye_ , Kara,” Lena said pointedly, opening her laptop again and going back to working on her email.

Turning around, Kara just shook her head with amusement. This was definitely the best summer of her life.

* * *

It was late July, three days after their return to America when they finally ran into Veronica and Jess. It was a small college town, so Kara was honestly surprised it hadn’t happened earlier.

“Lena!” A voice called from behind them as they walked. “Hey!”

Turning around, they both put on a smile. Kara wasn’t sure if Lena had ever told Veronica about what had happened, but she did know they hadn’t been texting lately, which she was probably a little too relieved over.

“Veronica! Hey,” Lena smiled a little, glancing at Kara. “How was your internship in New York?”

“It was amazing,” she gushed. “I can’t believe you decided not to take it. You would’ve loved it so much.”

Kara tensed at that, wanting to make it quite clear to Veronica that she had no idea what Lena would’ve liked or not liked - although she probably really would’ve loved interning in New York -but then Lena shot her a look when she began to open her mouth.

“It looked really cool on Facebook,” Lena agreed before motioning to Kara. “Kara and I were just about to see a movie, though. Catch up another time?”

Veronica looked over Kara critically, her smile faltering a little, but she eventually nodded her head. “Yeah, I guess we’ll have to. Text me.”

“I definitely will.”

Kara really hoped that was a lie.

* * *

“Are we doing the LGBT club again next year?” Kara asked out of the blue a couple days later while they were eating dinner.

Lena looked up from her salad, squinting her eyes in thought at the prospect of it. “I mean, we can if you want to.”

“Do you want to?” Kara challenged, not really wanting to. “I know I kind of twisted your arm last year and we’re both busier this year. It’s up to you.”

After a few moments of thought, a small nod of approval came about. “I thought it was kind of nice. We made a lot of friends there, right? I’ll do it again if you will.”

Kara forced a smile, pretending she was happy with that news. “Good! I can’t wait. Text Veronica for the dates and times.”

“Will do.”

Lena gave her a hard stare, but Kara looked down at her phone as she ate her food, not wanting to give away that she might not be quite as ecstatic about returning to the club as she was letting on.

She just wanted to keep Lena to herself. Now that she had her she didn’t plan on screwing that up and the one thing that could interfere was Lena realizing that stupid Veronica could relate to Lena's past when Kara couldn't.

“You don’t have to be jealous, Kara,” Lena told her, setting down her fork and looking directly at her girlfriend. “She’s not a threat to you.”

“I don’t consider her a threat,” Kara scoffed haughtily.

Lena smiled softly at that, tilting her head. “Then why does your face turn sour when I mention her name? You don’t even want to see what it looks like when you have to actually say the name yourself.”

“I’m not that bad,” Kara mumbled, resting her cheek on her hand. “I mean, she’s just part of your social circle back home and your families know each other and she’s way more poised than me, why would that be a threat?”

The girl across the table let out a soft sigh, going to sit on Kara’s lap. She placed one palm on Kara’s cheek, kissing her lips tenderly. “You are the only person I’ll ever want. I love you, clumsiness and all.”

Kara let out a small laugh at that, clutching her arms around Lena as tight as she could. “What if you change your mind? You’re Lena Luthor and I’m just me. You’re out of my league.”

“There is nothing _just_ about you,” Lena murmured, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “You’re the most astounding person I know. You’re out of everyone’s league, I just got lucky that you’re stupid enough to date me.”

“The only thing I always have going for me is being a good judge of character,” Kara informed her of softly. “You’re the best character the world has ever seen. The entire universe is lucky to have your existence. I’m just the lucky person who won the lottery.”

Lena looked to her with the mischievous glint in her eye that had become all too familiar. “Hearing you say that, no one would’ve guessed that you were straight four months ago.”

“Everyone is confused at some point in their lives,” Kara defended herself with a laugh, pulling Lena back into her lips. “I love you, Lena.”

That made Lena brighten up even more as she let out a playful smile. “Even though you’re _apparently_ the jealous type - which I usually don’t go for - just to be noted - I really love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if I’ll write another sex scene but that was a new experience, so my bad if it sucked. But hey they're together and I really like this chapter so even if you didn't like it just lie and say you did :)


	10. senior year: pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kara gets jealous, lena talks about her feelings and it wouldn't be a complete chapter without some added banter.

They had been fighting over the same topic for forty-five minutes, but Lena wasn’t listening and Kara was determined to continue arguing until she felt like Lena had heard what she said. She followed Lena around the apartment as Lena continued to speed walk place to place and fiddle with things just to avoid a sit down conversation about things she didn’t want to talk about.

Kara’s voice was pointed, sharp and sounded like a warning as she stared at the version of Lena that was incapable of sitting still. “You can’t just ignore me because you don’t want to admit I’m right.”

“I can and I will,” Lena shot back, moving to her next destination of fiddling in drawers of her dresser, something Kara had quickly realized was a nervous habit last year. “I’m not making a special trip to tell Veronica I’m dating you. That’s _awkward_.”

“Okay, so you’re just going to let her find out on her own and then be mad about it, because you were too wimpy to man up and tell her? We’ve been dating for four months,” Kara emphasized. “We agreed we’d tell everyone in the club that we were dating.”

“Which is how Veronica will find out,” Lena said with finality.

Kara wasn’t okay with that solution at all. “No, it’s not! You should’ve told her months ago! I told you that!”

“Okay, well unless you have a time machine, I can’t do that,” Lena argued through clenched teeth, turning to look directly at Kara. “Is this about you or her?”

That made Kara’s face drop as her voice got low. “ _Excuse_ _me_?”

“Is this about sparing her feelings or is it about making you feel better?” she clarified.

Kara crossed her arms, her entire stance changing to one that was on defense. “And what exactly do I need to feel better about?”

“You’re insecure that Veronica liked me… or likes me, I don’t really know.”

“I am _not_ insecure,” Kara spat out the word like it was venom. “I don’t care that she likes you at all.”

Lena crossed her arms as well, her eyes glowering with challenge. “No?”

“Nope,” she popped the P sound, shaking her head. “I just don’t want her to make a move on you because she doesn’t know you’re taken.”

Lena smirked, no anger in her voice, just amusement. “So, this is about you?”

“This is me being a good person and trying to save her from embarrassment,” Kara sputtered out. “Sorry that I’m the bigger person.”

Looking her up and down, Lena just nodded with a small laugh. “Yeah, yeah, aren’t you an absolute saint?”

“I’m not jealous,” she got out as Lena walked out of the room, yelling after her again, “I’m not!”

“If I didn’t love you this behavior would be annoying!” Lena called back as she sat on the couch to watch television. “We have plans with both Veronica and Jess at seven tomorrow. We’ll tell them then. Is that satisfactory to you or should we go over now, in the middle of the night?”

Kara turned around, mimicking Lena by silently moving her lips and making a face before putting out a voice that was sweet as could be. “Sounds great, honey, I’ll be ready at seven!”

* * *

Maybe it was because Kara was _possibly_ jealous, maybe this whole tense feeling was all in her head, but dinner with Jess and Veronica was uncomfortable so far - and that was putting it nicely. Lena was rigid in everything she said and did, Veronica was confused at Lena’s sudden inability to act normal and Jess was a little too knowing, tossing curious looks at Kara the entire time.

“So, Kara, what did you do all summer?” Jess asked casually as the two of them tried to maintain any sense of normalcy.

“I mainly spent it with Lena,” she answered politely, looking over to her girlfriend who just looked beyond lost at what to do. “I need to go to the bathroom really quick, though. Where is it again, Lena?”

Taking the hint, Lena let out a breath she must have been holding in for a while, shooting her a grateful look. “I have to go too. I’ll show you.”

“Are they being weird or is it just me?” she heard Veronica ask Jess once they were around the corner.

Kara was just glad it wasn’t only her who thought this situation was weird.

When the two of them were in the bathroom alone, Kara gently spun Lena around to face her, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear when they were looking at one another. She was concerned at Lena’s lack of functioning right now. She wasn’t being herself and it wasn’t in the slightly nervous way. Lena was _seriously_ nervous, more nervous than Kara had imagined she could be. Something was wrong.

“Why are you nervous about this?”

“I’m not nervous.”

“You’re nervous,” Kara didn’t back down. “What’s up?”

When Lena looked away instead of answering, Kara let out a sigh, going to wrap an arm around her and softening her voice. “I’m not mad, okay? You’re clearly anxious about telling her and I just want to help you. What’s going on?”

“You don’t know what it’s like to feel rejected,” Lena told her slowly and bluntly, only looking at her again when the words were fully out of her mouth. “You can get anyone you want.”

For the first time, she felt like a sand bag had just landed on her stomach from something Lena had said, knocking all the air out of her. She didn’t know how it felt to be rejected? Yeah, because blending into a new planet had been oh, so easy for her.

“We’ll talk about how inaccurate that statement is later,” she spoke through gritted teeth herself, knowing now wasn’t the time or place to start an argument, nor was Lena in the right frame of mind to be yelled at.

“When you like someone romantically and they turn you down it sucks, Kara. It really sucks,” Lena opened up to her for the first time. “I don’t want to do that to her, I hate when I hurt people that I actually don’t hate.”

Kara’s voice was small, the air being knocked out of her for a second time within the span of ten seconds. “I hurt you?”

Lena didn’t answer, just moving into a bathroom stall and shutting the door.

“You can’t just pretend to pee in order to avoid the question,” Kara told her. “We live together, you can’t exactly run away from this.”

“A public bathroom isn’t the place to have this conversation, Kara.”

Her voice was firm, but the familiar border of uneasiness was there. They sat in silence, neither of them sure of what to say. Lena had acted so fine with the entire situation of Kara not liking her back that Kara had figured she truly was okay with it. Things had always seemed fun and normal and Kara enjoyed the feeling of knowing someone as amazing as Lena liked her. Now she was wondering if that was a little selfish.

“Do you want me to tell Veronica?” Kara asked when Lena came out of the stall, suddenly feeling like there was a giant wall between them and hoping that it went away soon.

Lena shook her head, putting on a soft smile as she washed her hands. “I got this. I’ll do it, I’m fine.”

There was a sadness in her eyes though. “Lena, I-“

“I’m fine, Kara,” she interrupted the apology as she dried off her hands. “I got this.”

And like the old-fashioned Lena, she ran away from the confrontation in a heartbeat, going to the table with a newfound forced confidence. Now it was Kara’s turn to act weird. She didn’t know what to say. She was angry, but she was sad and confused too. The last thing she had ever wanted to do was hurt Lena. Hurting Lena hurt Kara. She had never meant to do that.

* * *

They were side by side, yet their backs were turned to each other with a space between them. Not much had been said since they went home. Veronica now knew about them and didn’t have a problem, but Kara was afraid that her and Lena suddenly did.

“I’ve felt rejected, you know?” she asked softly as they tried to go to bed despite being wide awake. Her words came out shakily as she closed her eyes at forgotten memories. “I have such a long list of times I’ve felt rejected that it probably wouldn’t fit in a spiral notebook at this point.”

Lena had never turned to face her so quick. When Kara didn’t turn around she put a hand on her shoulder, tugging at her until she rolled over too. She watched Lena’s face fall at the sight of tears.

“Coming to Earth was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she told her, a little hurt that she had to explain this and Lena didn’t just know. She seemed to know everything, so this was a first. “I was with new people. I had all these powers that I couldn’t control and everywhere I went I was the freak. Everywhere. Until I came to college the memories of me being the weird thirteen year old foster kid followed me through every school year. I _know_ what it’s like to be rejected.”

“I-“ Lena cut herself off, thinking over her words and shaking her head. She scooted closer so they were lying within their usual distance again, her hand brushing through Kara’s hair. “I never meant it like that. I can’t even imagine what you went through, Kara, I didn’t mean… I’d never purposely insinuate that.”

“I know,” she said quietly, “but it still hurts that you’d say it.”

She closed her eyes for a few moments, nodding her head. When she opened them they were filled with regrets and that was enough for Kara to know she meant it and now understood when she said, “I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting?” she moved on to the topic that was bothering her even more, the one that made her tears nearly fall. “We were friends for a year after you kissed me and you never once said it was hard for you. You acted like it was no big deal.”

“Kara,” Lena sighed, beginning to turn back around until Kara placed a hand on the small of her back to stop her.

“You don’t get to roll over and ignore me while we lay awake side by side,” Kara told her firmly, wondering when she had become so confident and assertive. “We aren’t doing that. We’re dating, so you’re going to talk about your feelings, even though you don’t like it.”

She looked anxious at that idea, beginning to backtrack. “I didn’t mean it like that. You didn’t hurt me, I just didn’t want to hurt her.”

“I hurt you,” Kara articulated the words that she had heard loud and clear. “You didn’t deny it until now, until you heard I want to talk about it.”

“It wasn’t a big deal, so don’t worry. Getting rejected stings a little,” Lena told her earnestly, her voice sounding too meek for both of their likings. “It’s in the past.”

“Then why can’t we talk about it?” Kara challenged immediately. “We’re _going_ to talk about this.”

“Fine,” Lena gave in with defeat and annoyance. She looked at Kara with a tired sense of challenge. “What about it would you like to talk about?”

“We were still inseparable after I said I was straight,” Kara started her list of the plenty of things she had for them to talk about. “Why didn’t you say it was bothering you? And why didn’t you say it was hard for you? _Why_ didn’t you tell me to stop saying things that you _admitted_ were a little too flirty to be said in a friendly way if it was hurting you? Why didn’t you just talk to me about it?”

“Because,” Lena shrugged. She closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about this. Can we please just-“

“No,” Kara shook her head. “I need you to tell me why. Because it’s not okay with me that you felt like you couldn’t and I need to know why that was.”

“Don’t do that pity thing you do, okay? Whenever I reference how I’ve felt alone in the past you look at me all sad eyed.”

Kara rolled her eyes at that. “I never pity you. I just wish you had a better life growing up. But what does this have to do with that?”

“I didn’t want to bring it up,” she began slowly. “I - you had already stayed, Kara,” Lena shrugged out her answer as if it was the most simple thing in the world. She tried to roll over again, but Kara held her firm. When they met eyes Lena let out a sigh at the determination on Kara’s face. “I thought I had lost you after I kissed you, then you came back and stayed with me. You continued to be my best friend. Why would I risk that even more by showing how it was upsetting to me?”

Kara looked down. She was the one hurting now. “I should have known you were upset.”

“Look, it’s honestly okay. I don’t think you realize how much I’ve always valued you,” Lena spoke quietly, her voice dark and husky. “Even when we were fighting, even when you rejected me, my biggest fear was that we’d never talk again and you’d leave. My biggest fear today is that something will happen to make you leave. And I - I can’t have that happen. You are so important to me. You’re the only family I have and the only person who has ever went to bat in my favor. So, if that meant holding a few feelings in, that was fine with me.”

“Well, it’s not fine with me,” Kara murmured.

It was silent as a palpable constriction suddenly engulfed both of them. Kara moved closer, clutching onto Lena as if her life depended on it. She felt better when Lena relaxed in her arms.

“I will _never_ leave you,” she emphasized. “I’ll always go to bat for you and fight for you and put up with your frustrating inability to initiate having serious conversations like these when they’re needed. You’ll always have me by your side, Lena.”

That prompted Lena to dig her forehead into Kara’s shoulder and Kara was almost positive it was because she didn’t want to maintain eye contact, but that way okay. At least she was still in the room, which wouldn’t have been the case if they had tried to have this conversation two years ago.

“Always is a big word,” she finally murmured.

“ _Always_ is two syllables. You can handle two syllables,” Kara promised, smiling when she felt Lena laugh. “You have me, okay? I’m not going anywhere, but you can’t just hold in when I’m upsetting you.”

She pulled away, looking at Kara sheepishly. “I wasn’t even good at the whole friends thing. It might take me a while to master the dating thing.”

“Me too,” Kara nodded. “But promise you’re going to try?”

Lena let out a small smile, leaning forward to kiss Kara. “Of course I am, dummy. I love you, don’t I?”

“Charming,” Kara murmured, going into kiss her again before briefly pulling away when Lena moved to deepen it. “Are we about to have make up sex?”

“You’ve never had make up sex before, have you?” Lena mused as Kara let out an embarrassed groan. That just made Lena’s smile brighter and more amorous. “Oh, we _need_ make up sex, then.You’ll love it.”

“If we _need_ to, I guess I’ll just have to find a way to survive,” Kara teased, smiling as she felt Lena’s lips on hers, then smiling more as she felt her body crawl on top of her.

“I love you,” Lena briefly pulled away to utter the three words.

Knowing Lena would rather have sex than hear fond words and continue being touchy-feely, Kara just smiled and pulled Lena closer as they kissed. God, did she love Lena too.

* * *

As Kara practically dragged Lena to their first LGBT club meeting of the year she found it overly ironic that she had to use the term _dragged_ to describe it considering a week ago Lena was the one who wanted to go. Kara still didn’t want to go, but she also didn’t want to take part in supporting Lena in avoiding her friend purely because she was scared she had secretly hurt her feelings. So, the dragging began.

“I don’t think we should be going to this. We’re seniors. We should be studying our lives away to prepare for graduation.”

“If you study your life away anymore you’ll be dead,” Kara retorted dryly. “Have you even spoken to Veronica since we went out to eat with her?”

“We’ve texted,” she grumbled. “Kara… This is going to be awkward. Why do you insist on making me feel awkward?”

“Maybe if you didn’t _always_ feel awkward you wouldn’t. It’s your natural state, I don’t make you feel anything.”

Lena rolled her eyes, sulking at the lack of sympathy her girlfriend was giving out. “You’re still a horrible person.”

As they walked to the club’s new location on the first floor, Kara threw her back a smile as she led the way. “Glad you’re taking one for the team and dating me, then.”

Lena scoffed, but didn’t have a response, just following Kara until they reached the right room. When they walked in cheers and yelling erupted and Lena looked around the room with a beaming smile on her girlfriend’s behalf who was looking at her excitedly, pointing to a cake with chocolate frosting in the corner.

“There’s a _cake_. I think it’s a party, Lena!”

“It’s your coming out party,” Jess explained to them.

“Oh,” Kara grimaced and turned to Lena with a teasing smile and tilting her head to the side in mock concern. “Are you going to be okay to stay? I know you don’t like parties.”

That got Lena worked up. She rolled her eyes with nothing but annoyance. “I swear to god-“

“You’re gonna kill me,” Kara finished for her. “At least let me eat cake first.”

Giving the most enamored look Kara had ever seen, Lena nodded, taking in the rainbow assorted balloons and walking closer to the cake. It had a rainbow on the top, words written in cursive icing. _Congrats, Kara!_ then in smaller writing below it was, _(We’re all truly shocked.)_

“Happy coming out, Kara. We’re proud of you,” Veronica spoke up, her words sounding nothing but genuine. She chanced a glance between the two girls who were in love, “I’m glad it finally worked out.”

Lena seemed to lighten at that, taking it as permission to wrap an arm around Kara’s waist. Kara looked up at Lena, glad to see the relief sprawled across her face. Things honestly were falling into place. Being in this group of people gave a whole new meaning to feeling accepted, even if they didn’t know about the whole superpower thing. She felt like she belonged in a group of people and there was nothing better than feeling like she belonged.

* * *

Kara sat in the kitchen, watching Lena study in the living room bored out of her mind. She got that Lena liked being smart, but did she really have to be a good student too? Lena was the best form of entertainment there was and watching her sit on the floor with homework sprawled out all over the coffee table was a nice view, but not quite entertaining.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Don’t distract me, Kara,” Lena sang in playful warning. “You have the look on your face, you have the tone in your voice, don’t do it.”

“You haven’t even looked at me since I got home. You don’t know the look I have on my face.”

“I can feel it,” she told her, turning back to briefly look at her. “Ah, what do you know? I was right.”

“Being that smug is only hot when you’re naked.”

“I thought it was never hot,” Lena challenged, using Kara’s words against her. “We’re not having sex right now. I’m studying.”

“I didn’t offer sex, I offered dinner,” Kara feigned offense. “Do you think I have no class? Sex comes _after_ dinner, Lena.”

She smirked at her, shaking her head at the banter Kara was trying to start. “I need to study and _you_ need to not be a distraction. Understood?”

“Understood,” Kara muttered with an eye roll. “Bossy, much?”

“You don’t listen unless I’m bossy.”

“I always listen, I just decide if I want to abide by what you say,” Kara defended herself.

“Abide by this, because I’ll never have sex with again if I fail this test due to you not letting me study.”

“That’s a very severe threat,” she pointed out. “I just discovered the joys of sex two months ago. You’d really take that away from me?”

Lena gave her a trying look, raising her eyebrows in question. “Do you really want to test it?”

And while she knew Lena wouldn’t really hold out on her like that, she figured she could live without her for another couple hours. “I’ll be in our room.”

“Good choice,” she grinned. “I owe you one.”

* * *

When Kara reminded Lena of the phrase _I owe you one_ coming out of her mouth, Lena conveniently seemed to have zero recollection of it. She could remember any scientific or mathematical concept thrown at her despite the complexity for years, but _I owe you one_ apparently didn’t stick with her in the two weeks since she had uttered the words.

“Lena, it’s midterms,” Kara continued whining as Lena sat beside her on the couch.

This time, when Lena tried to grab the laptop away from her, Kara gave in. “You’re going to fry your brain if you keep writing that article when you know you’re stuck. You just need… relief to better compose your thoughts. You’re tense right now.”

“Relief?” Kara rose her eyebrows. Then, her eyes went wide. “ _Oh_! Relief! Right.”

Lena laughed at the innocence, but this time Kara didn’t feel embarrassed. After a few times of making Lena cum she had lost the embarrassment of being so innocent. Give her fifteen minutes and that adjective would be the last word Lena used on her.

“I want to, but this essay is going to be the death of my grade if I don’t finish,” Kara sighed, taking in an uneven breath as Lena’s teeth grazed against her neck mid-kiss. “Can we do it later, though?”

Shocking Kara, Lena nodded and pulled away. “I get it. It’s midterms week. I’m holding you to the later offer, though.”

“I expect nothing less,” Kara smiled as Lena went back into their bedroom.

But then that’s was all Kara could think about. Lena’s lips on her neck, then Lena’s tongue on her breasts came to mind and how amazing that felt, then how skilled Lena’s fingers could be and the things they could do, then the way that tongue felt in other areas came to mind. Suddenly there was no way to focus on the article.

She set the laptop down on the couch with a quick, “Damn it, Lena.”

When she walked in, Lena’s head shot up with surprise, but she smirked when she looked at Kara further. “Change your mind? Being a nerd too stressful?”

“Do you want sex or not?” Kara laughed, crawling onto the bed and straddling Lena, pulling her head forward for a kiss that was past the point of romantic and moved on right to sexy. She grinned when she felt the low moan escape Lena’s mouth.

Kara’s hand went down as she pulled Lena’s shirt out from being tucked in, unbuttoning it before pulling it off. She slipped a hand into Lena’s bra, then got tired of working around it, so she took that off too.

Lena’s hand went to the bottom of Kara’s t-shirt as they quickly broke apart to pull it off her head before reattaching to each other. As her hands continued grazing Lena’s body, Kara decided that maybe this was worth getting a B instead of an A over. Maybe she’d even go for a round two today.

* * *

“This is even more disgusting than usual,” Lena spat out when they walked into the dim bar.

Kara laughed at the instant reaction, shaking her head at Lena’s many antics. “You’ve been here plenty of times and complained then too. How is it outdoing the disgusting factor now?”

“Usually your friends drag us here. Now you are for some odd reason. And we’re alone here. And people are dressed up like _children_.”

“It’s Halloween,” Kara explained to her as if she hadn’t figured that out by the calendar date. “Of course they are. Just because you’re ancient and have probably never worn a costume in your life doesn’t mean they are.”

“I was a Teletubby one year. I was also Tigger another and dressed up as a gothic witch when I was thirteen because it seemed dark and I was feeling dark.”

“As a teenager you were dark?” Kara squinted her eyes, walking up to the bar. “That’s absolutely shocking.”

Lena gave her a light shove, rolling her eyes when Kara, the human brick wall, pretended to stumble due to the force.

Kara ordered drinks for them both, sitting on a bar stool as they exchanged stories about their days and Kara talked all about the school newspaper - that she had rushed to be a part of to put it down on her resume - and how annoying it was. When even Kara said there was too much drama Lena knew there must be a lot of drama in that staffroom.

“Okay, we need to find you something that _can_ get you drunk, because you are way too worked up.”

“Yeah, yeah, rub in the fact that I can’t drown my sorrows in booze,” Kara mumbled, taking a sip of her martini.

“Why are we even here? We can drown your sorrows in other ways. All this is is frat boys throwing darts and lonely girls waiting for them to come up and speak to them. It’s _sad_ ,” Lena muttered, twirling her thin straw in her drink.

“Speaking of,” Kara murmured, smirking a little.

Lena looked confused until she heard the deep voice behind her. “Hey. How are you ladies doing tonight?”

“Oh boy,” Lena mumbled under her breath, causing Kara to laugh. “Hi.”

“I was actually looking at you from over there, but I don’t think you noticed me,” he vaguely pointed to a corner of the bar, making eye contact with Lena. “You are stunning.”

“This sounds like a great time to introduce you to my girlfriend, Kara,” Lena put on a big smile, enjoying letting him down a little too much. “I’ll warn you now to be careful. She’s in a bad mood right now and she was in a good mood the last time that a guy that hit on me and got her so mad she broke his hand.”

The guy froze in place, trying to decipher if that was a joke before he looked over to Kara with a smile. He held out his fist tentatively as Kara unsurely bumped it with her own. “You don’t look strong enough to hurt a fly. That’s impressive.”

“The tiny ones always have an inner rage,” Lena teased, wrapping an arm around Kara as she put on an annoyed expression.

She couldn’t be too annoyed, though. Honestly, she was just glad they were able to talk about the incident that spurred their semester-long fight so easily now. Lena was sitting here laughing and Kara was goofing off too, despite the months of pain they had both gone through due to that one little scene.

“You really broke his hand?”

Kara looked to Lena before shrugging it off. “It wasn’t my best moment. He was a fuckboy.”

“You were overprotective,” Lena chided with a knowing gaze.

Kara rolled her eyes and looked back to the newcomer, causing Lena to break out of Kara’s spell and turn her attention to something else for two seconds.

“I thought you were kidding about the lesbian thing for a second,” the guy looked between them with understanding. “Sorry, I was clearly mistaken. Enjoy your night.”

“See, Lena, that’s a classy boy,” Kara pointed to him as he walked away. “I won’t break _every_ boy’s hand that hits on you. Only when they make me mad. If they deserve a broken hand, it’s really not my fault.”

Without turning to completely face her, Lena lifted an arm and patted Kara’s cheek. “Inner rage, Kara. It’s the inner rage.”

* * *

“Alright,” Kara burst into the apartment with a purpose and loud voice. “Lena!”

“I’m literally at the kitchen table,” she spoke up with amusement.

Kara turned, surprised to see her there but smiling nonetheless, speaking with determination. “It’s time to have our holiday talk again. Thanksgiving is in two weeks and we all want you there.”

Lena looked her over before shrugging a little, nodding her head and turning back to her phone. “Sure, I’ll go to your house this year.”

“Can you please just-“ Kara paused, causing Lena to let out a snort at the prevalent assumption Kara had had that Lena would say no. In Kara’s defense, Lena had put up a fight every holiday prior. “Did you just agree without me pushing the matter?”

“At this point it’s a waste of my breath,” Lena chuckled. She looked up at Kara again with fondness, shrugging her shoulders. “Besides, I really like your family.”

“They like you too,” she lit up at the remark.

“Leaving Tuesday night, then?”

“You’re really agreeing,” Kara mused. Then her face fell a little, her eyebrows scrunching up. “You really killed my dramatic entrance by giving in so easily, though.”

Picking up the cup of iced tea next to her, Lena looked at her before taking a sip. “Just embrace the progress of me not putting up a fight.”

Kara couldn’t exactly argue with that one.

* * *

“Well, well, well, if it isn't Kara and Kara’s girlfriend,” Alex called out as they walked through the front door into the homey feeling of the Danvers’ household. “Good to see you. I missed you so much.”

“You too,” Kara smiled, going over for a hug from the sister she was still getting used to not seeing on a daily basis, even after three and a half years of it.

“No hug from you, Lena?” Alex rose her eyebrows with challenge.

Kara turned to face away from them when Alex moved forward to hug her, wanting to outright laugh at how uncomfortable Lena looked as it happened. She somehow held it back, trying not to add to the discomfort.

“I missed you too, Luthor. Even if you did steal my sister away from me all summer.”

That made Lena relax a little, looking to Kara with a proud smile on her face at the words of acceptance from Alex.

“Let me get Mom. She’ll want to coddle you both,” Alex muttered, shaking her head with ridicule as she walked away.

When she was gone Kara laughed at Lena’s expression that contained more confusion than ever written on her face.

“I think she was just nice to me,” she got out slowly. “Alex was just…”

“I told you she just had to warm up,” Kara boasted. “She thinks of you as family.”

Lena looked away at the word, but awe and bliss were painted in her demeanor, so Kara wasn't too worried. It was just another time that Lena had trouble expressing her feelings. That was nothing new.

“You are family, you know?”

Lena looked up at her with amazed eyes, opening her mouth to reply just as Eliza bounded into the room. “Kara! Lena! I'm so happy to finally see you two again!”

Kara was used to the tight hugs. Lena was obviously still not.

“How have you girls been? Staying out of trouble?”

“Lena is a bad influence, but I'm learning to manage,” Kara responded teasingly.

Lena just rolled her eyes at the insinuation of _her_ being the bad influence. She didn't seem to be impressed by the comment at all. “I can't believe some of things that come out of your mouth.”

“Yet you're still around,” Kara hummed.

She didn't reply, just reaching out an arm to wrap around Kara and directing her next comment towards Eliza. “I'm really just here for your cooking.”

“I resent that,” Kara huffed. “This is basically using me.”

“I _am_ a pretty good cook,” Eliza offered. “You like my food too, Kara, so you can’t get too upset.”

Alex chose to walk back into the conversation. “Kara likes anyone’s food.”

“Not true, Lena is an awful cook,” Kara rose a finger in the air to clarify as Lena scowled at the comment that flowed off Kara's lips a little too naturally.

“I'm not _that_ bad.”

“I can’t even leave you in charge of cooking frozen meals,” she threw out in disbelief that Lena could even begin to get offended with that undeniable truth. “Don't worry, you're good at everything else you try to do.”

“So, if you had to choose who the worse cook was…” Alex trailed off to build the moment. “Me or Lena?”

“You're both pretty terrible,” Kara made the disclaimer, then her eyes lingered on Lena with apology, “but at least Alex’s food is edible.”

“I am so glad I came home for this,” Lena said, clearly not thinking the words out before she said them, because once they were in the air she froze. “I mean – not like–”

“We’re glad too,” Alex saved them all from listening to Lena stumble over herself. “Welcome home, kiddos.”

Kara looked to Lena with a pointed expression at Alex’s word of kindness. Alex liked her. Alex definitely liked her at this point. Hell, Alex probably wouldn’t admit she liked her, but she did. She liked her and Lena would have to get used to that.

* * *

“So, Christmas break,” Kara brought up as Lena let out a chuckle and turned away from the window to face her.

“We are literally not even back to campus yet and you're thinking about Christmas?”

“I think about Christmas all year round, but right now I'm thinking about it as well, yes,” Kara grinned cheekily, watching Lena roll her eyes. “You're gonna be there, right?”

She nodded, looking out the window like she always did when the thought of spending time with her mother came around before turning back to Kara. “I have the annual gala again, but after that I'm all yours.”

Kara squinted her eyes, asking the age old question. “So, _when_ am I going to meet your mom, exactly?”

“I've told you the answer a thousand times,” Lena laughed, grabbing Kara's hand. “You're my favorite person in the universe. I would never subject my favorite person to meeting my mother. Besides, I'm just going for the gala, then you'll pick me up. Right?”

Kara bit her lip, making sure the want in her eyes shone through. “Let me come with you.”

“To the gala?” Lena raised an eyebrow at the idea, wasting no time to shake her head. “I hate galas, so _you_ will definitely hate galas.”

“But I like you,” she pointed out. “I want to be part of your life.”

“I don't like this part of my life,” Lena mumbled.

Kara squeezed the hand that was still interlaced with her own, giving the one look she knew Lena hadn't been able to say no to in the past. “I still want to be part of it. In fact, you not liking it is all the more reason for me to go. You like me, so I'll make it at least a little better.”

She stared out the window again and Kara waited her out.

“I have a long list of etiquette for you to learn,” Lena warned. “And my mom already hates you because you being my girlfriend could ruin the company image, so you need to be on your best behavior.”

That was all it took to make Kara glow. Bringing Kara into the aspects of her life she hated the most was the one thing Lena had never been able to do, so this step was monumental. She got excited and nervous. She knew Lena didn't like her mom, but she was still anxious to finally meet the woman that she already completely hated.

“You're gonna bring me then?”

“It really would make it better for me if you were there,” Lena told her honestly. “Just don't say I didn't warn you when you hate it.”

“I love you,” Kara gushed, grabbing her tight.

Lena patted her arm, laughing all the while. “A little too tight there, my little alien.”

She loosened up, but didn't let go, her cheeks turning red at how affectionate those words sounded coming from Lena’s lips. She put a mocking hand on the back of Lena's head to hold her closer. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, my little weakling.”

“Fucking _smartass_ ,” Lena repeated.

Kara just enjoyed the moment, knowing those two words were reserved only for her. “You started it.”

“I did,” she smiled, but then it faltered a little. She frowned, looking perturbed. “Next semester is our last one, huh?”

She heard the panic in Lena's voice, but couldn't comment on it, because she felt that same panic herself. The end of college meant they'd either be separating or committing to each other further and Kara had a pretty good idea that both of those ideas scared Lena even more than her.

“We’ll have to make it good,” Kara managed to force out a grin, but knew it wasn't as convincing as it usually was. “But first, let's just enjoy the gala.”

“Enjoy is not the right word. We’ll enjoy flying away, that's about it.”

Kara laughed at the sarcasm, but still felt discouraged at the idea that she may only have that sarcasm in her life for another six months. She didn't know what Lena would want. She knew what she wanted, but Lena and her emotions were a wild card when commitment was involved. That scared the shit out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are only 2 more chapters and I lowkey don't know what I'm gonna do with my life after this (not to be melodramatic or anything)


	11. senior year: winter break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara goes to Lena's gala and Lena goes to what's become her real home after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read all the comments from last chapter but have been really busy the past week! I saw them all though and they made me so so happy so thank you everyone for the kudos and comments and being so nice! I hope you enjoy the second to last chapter.

“What are you going to do when she’s acting fake?” Lena continued to quiz Kara on their car ride back to Metropolis on how to react to the various situations with Lena’s mother that were supposedly guaranteed to happen.

“Ignore it,” Kara said confidently, nodding her head to back herself up.

“And what are you going to do when she gives me backhanded compliments?”

“Try to ignore it,” she said just as confidently. Lena gave her a look, making her revise the statement with an eye roll. “Ignore it.”

“And what are you going to do when she flat out insults me?”

Kara’s nostrils flared at the fact that that was one of the questions. She couldn’t imagine anyone who knew Lena insulting her and mothers were supposed to know their daughters pretty damn well. Then again, it was blatant by now that Lena’s mother was someone Kara wouldn’t mind sending straight to hell.

“ _Kara_ ,” Lena pressed when she didn’t answer. “Silence is not the answer I need to hear right now.”

“Let you handle it,” Kara grumbled through gritted teeth, unsure if she’d actually be able to do that if it came down to it.

She was protective over a lot of people, including complete strangers sometimes, but they needed an entire new word to describe how protective she was over Lena. Lena had the bite of a dragon and a seemingly big ego, but she certainly had a lot of insecurities hidden deep inside her that she still tried to hide, even in front of Kara. She hated that her girlfriend expected her to just stand by and watch if her mother - the cause of ninety-nine percent of those said insecurities - berated her.

“That didn’t restore my confidence that you’ll hold your tongue whatsoever, but thanks for trying,” Lena glanced over from the driver’s seat. “I don’t think you realize how much you’ll hate this.”

Kara stayed quiet as Lena repeated herself for the trillionth time, staring out the window as they sped down the highway.

“I’m glad you’re coming, though,” Lena added after a few seconds.

That made Kara’s head snap over real quick. “You are?”

“Of course. You make everything better,” Lena held out her hand, which Kara didn’t hesitate to grab. After a second she scrunched her eyebrows, quickly looking at Kara before turning back to the road. “Why did you sound surprised by that?”

“I thought you were worried I’d embarrass you this whole time and that’s why you didn’t want me there,” she admitted. “I make everything better?”

“ _Everything_ ,” Lena confirmed for her with joy. “You’re the one person in my life I’ll never be embarrassed of. Everything about you is awe-striking. I honestly just don’t want to ruin your life by taking you. Let it be noted that you asked for this.”

“I did,” Kara grinned. “I wish I was more poised and used to these things, though. I feel unprepared. Someone like Veronica would be good at this, but I’m just awkward.”

“You’re the only one I want by my side,” Lena squeezed her hand in reassurance. “I don’t need Veronica’s poise, I just need you. Sound good?”

Kara just put on a giant smile, trying to play cool how ecstatic and comforted that comment made her. “I guess that sounds good to me.”

* * *

“How kind of you to show up,” Lena’s mother remarked flatly when her daughter entered the mansion a half hour late due to heavy traffic, Kara right by her side. Lillian Luthor looked over the guest, giving her an expression filled with nothing but distaste. “I see you decided to bring your friend despite my wishes.”

“My girlfriend, but yes, I did,” Lena held her chin high, her demeanor nothing short of stoic.

“I don’t think it’s the best idea to bring her-“

“If she doesn’t go, I don’t go,” Lena threatened. “The only thing that’ll be worse for LuthorCorp than having a lesbian as the future CEO is the lesbian removing herself from the family company due to her mother being unbearably homophobic.”

Kara held her breath at the instant confrontation, not quite sure if Lena was bluffing or not. She knew she hated her mom and really loved Kara, but would she walk away from the entire multi-billion dollar company that was being offered to her just for a college girlfriend?

Lillian must not have known if it was a bluff either, because she somehow stood even straighter. “Very well. Come along then, we’re running late enough as it is.”

* * *

Kara was having a hard time taking in everything at once. It was all so fancy and elegant and Lena fit in while not fitting in all at the same time. The uptight perfectionist version of Lena did great here, but Kara hated when Lena felt like she had to become that uptight perfectionist. She loved watching Lena hum as she made coffee in the kitchen or seeing her eat popcorn while lounging in sweatpants - something that Kara herself had introduced Lena to a few years ago. Seeing the straight posture and tight bun and forced smile was hard to watch. Lena still looked breathtakingly beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but she looked most beautiful when she was comfortable and she wasn’t comfortable here.

“I didn’t think that Gossip Girl’s portrayal of rich living was real, but now I’m not so sure,” Kara announced after spending an entire two minutes inside the ballroom the gala was being hosted at, trying to loosen Lena up at least a little bit.

“I’ve never seen it,” Lena replied emotionlessly, taking in the people that crowded the room and pulling Kara off to the side, wrapping a protective arm around her.

“Why am I not surprised? Another teenage obsession that you somehow missed out on,” Kara’s lips turned into a thin line as she tried to tease her girlfriend.

That worked a little, making Lena smirk alongside her. “Well, apparently I’m living out the show according to you, so why would I need to watch it?”

“Do you need to have a witty comeback to everything I say? It’s frustrating beyond belief,” Kara ranted, but she was smiling all the while, watching as Lena looked at her with fondness and bit of smugness too. “Every time I try to give you a hard time you outdo me with the comeback.”

“She is clever,” someone spoke up from behind them.

They turned to see a girl with dark hair walking towards them. Kara waited for an introduction from Lena, but no words came. Turning to her, Kara saw that Lena had lost all composure. Considering that Lena was always well composed that threw her off.

“Hey, stranger,” the real stranger continued, ignoring the obvious discomfort from Lena. “How are you?”

“Uh, hi,” her girlfriend regained the ability to speak. “Kara, this is Bethany. Bethany, Kara.”

“ _Kara_ ,” Bethany said the name with knowledge, making Kara suddenly match Lena’s level of discomfort. “Hi.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kara nodded politely, putting on the expression that Lena had literally made her practice in their bathroom mirror.

“It’s been a while, Luthor. I guess now I know what you’ve been up to,” she smirked. “I guess things work out in your favor more than you thought, huh?”

“Alright, this is fun,” Lena put on a forced smile as Kara continued to wonder why she was looking so uncomfortable. “Beth and I were friends in high school.”

Kara was quite certain Lena had told her numerous times that she had had no friends in high school, but she decided to hold her tongue. In fact, the only person Lena had ever even mentioned in high school was her fuck buddy. Once she put the pieces together Kara couldn’t stop herself from beginning to stammer.

“Oh! I mean, oh. Yeah. Wow. Uh. Yeah, nice to meet you.”

“Way to act casual about it,” Lena muttered next to her.

Kara forced a laugh with reddening cheeks, wanting to get sucked up into a hole on the spot. She fiddled with her glasses, feeling less than super about seeing Lena’s old fuck buddy.

“So, I see you've discussed me,” Bethany seemed to gloat, appearing to feel quite comfortable compared to the squirming girls in front of her. “I'm glad you got the girl, Luthor.”

Lena looked at Kara as if her blue eyes held the entire ocean. She was uncomfortable in the gala, but she was always comfortable with Kara and that was a true honor. “Trust me, so am I.”

* * *

“Lena, it's a _family_ picture,” Lillian was once again lecturing, leading Kara to wonder if she was even capable of sounding anything other than frustrated with her daughter. “She's not family.”

“If it was a family picture it'd be me and you,” Lena said coldly. “As far as I'm concerned, Kara is the only family I've had since dad died.”

“Don't be overdramatic,” she rolled her eyes and Kara forgot how much she hated eye rolls unless they were from Lena. “You don't know how the world works. This is a business and it’s going to be your company soon, so you'll need to act like you're prepared for that. Showing your sexual preference is an awful business decision and shows how little you know. It truly does worry me.”

“I'm know plenty abou–”

“She's valedictorian of our university,” Kara told her with a voice that conveyed the proudness a mother’s should possess. “She is singlehandedly the most intelligent person I know. She runs the business as it is, because we both know you couldn't care less. You're mooching off of her, if anything, so–”

“Alright, Kara,” Lena grabbed her hand and Kara found too much satisfaction when Lillian's eyes trailed the motion right down until the point when their fingers were completely entangled. “I think you've made your point.”

“Yes, I think you have,” Lillian agreed with scorn. “You always have had bad taste, but this is disappointing, even by your standards, Lena. You're a Luthor.”

“You've told me plenty of times that I wouldn't know the first thing about being a Luthor,” Lena spoke before Kara could, her eyes flaring more at the insult of Kara than Kara had ever seen them flare before. “Kara is the only good thing that came without a catch. I had never had in my life before her.”

“Woe is you, isn’t it?” her mother nearly yawned in boredom, causing Kara to clutch her fists. She would enjoy breaking Lena's mother’s hand even more than Fuckboy’s. “You've lived a life of privilege. Ask your girlfriend, I'm sure she'd agree.”

“Money doesn't mean privilege,” Kara spat out with all the confidence and disapproval the world had to offer. “Lena might have more money than me, sure, but I can guarantee you I’ve had more privilege in my life.”

“You’ve found someone as bull-headed as you are. Go figure,” her mom muttered in response.

“I always do love our galas, Mom,” Lena murmured lowly, bowing out of the conversation, which was probably for the best considering Kara was just about ready to melt Lillian’s face right off if her glare got any more intense. “It was nice seeing you again. Merry Christmas, by the way.”

Lena started walking away, but she was the only one. She turned back, grabbing Kara’s hand and pulling her back to reality. Kara looked over to her girlfriend with blue eyes of fury, but Lena just shook her head.

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

It was still tempting to bash Lillian’s head against the wall or break every bone in her body for being so cold. Lena could act high and mighty, but Kara was the one who saw her after she got off the phone with her mom during the school year and Kara was the one who watched her silently mope about returning to Metropolis every break weeks beforehand, despite her protests that _nothing’s wrong, Kara, I’m fine. Stop asking, it’s weird._ Kara was the one who had to cuddle with Lena for hours every time she came back from seeing her mother because Lena needed to remember how it felt to be loved. Kara was the one who was angry because Lena didn’t think she was allowed to be.

“We’re leaving,” Lena repeated more firmly, tugging her hand. “ _Now_ , Kara.”

Blue eyes took that chance to give one last glare before following Lena out, letting her guide them back to the waiting car. When they were in the limo, Lena stared at the driver before speaking so quietly that her lips were barely moving and even Kara could hardly hear. “I know he's listening, so I'm mumbling. Can you fly us to your house in that dress?”

“You don’t want clothes?” Kara asked in a normal voice. “You don’t want to drive?”

Lena shook her head, unable to express how badly she wanted to be out of Metropolis. She didn’t need to say it for Kara to be able to physically feel it.

“I’m ready if you are,” Kara offered, trying to ignore the sadness Lena’s eyes held.

After directing the driver to drop them off at an abandoned spot of the city, the two of them got out, moving into an alleyway. Kara looked Lena over for a moment, tilting her head. “You’re okay, right?”

“It’s my mom, of course I am,” she rolled her eyes.

Kara paused and took in the unbreakable demeanor, but decided to press anyway. “You said you’d tell me when you were hurting.”

“I know, but I'm fine right now,” Lena told her, keeping her strong front.

Kara smiled softly at the stubbornness, bringing out her own. “You _look_ like you’re hurting.”

“No, I don’t.”

“ _Fine_. You’re not hurting,” she nodded a little, her expression slowly becoming gentle and understanding. “If you start hurting, though, and you want to talk about it, I’m here. You weren’t kidding, your mom’s a nightmare.”

“That’s putting it nicely,” Lena scoffed. She looked up to Kara with gratitude, her eyes shining despite the circumstances. “Thank you for coming, though. It really was a lot better with you there.”

“Yeah?” Kara bit her lip. She still never expected it when Lena admitted that Kara made life better, but hearing it was always more than welcomed.

“I love you,” she told her. “I love you a lot, Kara.”

“Time to go home?” she asked, letting that be more than enough for an _I love you too_. “Eliza said she bought you a stocking this year.”

The mention of being even more included in Kara’s family than before made Lena light up. She opened her mouth, hesitated, but then finally spoke the words. “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

* * *

When Kara woke up she smelled eggs and bacon in the kitchen. She reached her arm out to feel Lena but the bed was empty, causing her to immediately become confused. She knew Lena’s version of sleeping in was only until nine a.m. but Kara didn’t think she’d hang out anywhere but her room. Lena hated talking to people and going anywhere else involved the real risk of socializing.

She listened in and smiled when she heard Lena telling Eliza and Alex about their last semester of college, exaggerating Kara’s successes all the while. She wouldn’t consider a B plus acing a class, but apparently in Lena’s eyes it was - if she was talking about Kara. If she was talking about herself anything less than a ninety-six percent was inadequate.

“It sounds like you two had a great semester,” Eliza noted happily as pans began shuffling.

Kara stood up, neatening up the sloppy bun she was wearing to go downstairs. When she got down she had to stand on the stairs and simply gaze at the scene from afar because her heart felt too content to move. Lena was in her kitchen, laughing with Alex and talking to Eliza as if it came to her with ease, her laptop and cell phone no where in sight, no escape route available if she were to become uncomfortable. Lena grabbed a piece of bacon and began eating it, complimenting Eliza’s cooking and moving back to cracking insulting jokes with Alex, each of them slightly bashing the other, but knowing now that the words weren’t heartfelt.

It just all seemed so natural and was all Kara had ever wanted for Lena, but it was also all she had ever wanted for herself. She had wanted someone to come into her life and have it seem like they should’ve been there all along. Looking on at the sight, it seemed like Lena _had_ been there all along. It wouldn’t have felt right without her there mingling with her family, there would have been a large empty spot in her heart if Lena wasn’t a part of their Christmas celebration.

She finally pulled herself together, continuing into the kitchen and grabbing bacon for herself. “Were you not going to tell me it’s breakfast time?”

“Well, when people call you to share food they don’t get any,” Lena teased, her eyes filled with so much happiness that it was hard to believe that just last night they had been sorrowful.

“That’s not true,” Kara argued as she grabbed another piece of bacon.

Lena rose her eyebrows, staring from Kara to the bacon, Kara to the bacon. “Oh, really?”

“Okay, so what? I just _really_ like bacon,” Kara explained herself.

Alex jumped in, shaking her head and moving the plate to sit between her and Lena instead of by Kara. “You _really_ like everything that’s edible. Us humans need food too.”

“Yes, we’re weaklings, remember? Food provides strength,” Lena added on as Alex nodded in support.

“The last thing you two need is to back each other up. I can barely handle you separately, neither of you need reinforcement.”

Lena half raised her hand in the air. “Actually I do, you never listen to me.”

“She is an awful listener,” Alex agreed with a smirk while they both enjoyed Kara's annoyance.

“I don't know which one of you will be the death of me, but one of you certainly will be,” she muttered.

Alex and Lena exchanged looks, but Lena's emerald eyes still looked nothing but utterly shocked that Kara's family liked her, even after three years.

“It'll probably be you,” Alex finally spoke up.

Lena looked to Kara with a mischievous glint, a wide smile on her face. “Probably. I am quite the handful.”

“You most certainly are,” Kara mused. But there was no one she'd rather share her Christmas with.

* * *

Christmas morning was always one of Kara's favorite things, but Christmas mornings with Lena? That was at the top of the list. Watching Lena's face light up at what could have possibly been the first stocking she had received in her life made Kara melt. She looked so excited and pure and youthful. During the presents Lena sat back, looking as if she was enjoying the sight of Kara opening presents from Alex and Eliza more than Kara was as she was doing it. After the gift giving was thought to be over, Alex moved to the side of the room, lifting a package from her purse and moving to Lena. 

“I got you something too,” Alex placed a gift in her lap.

The black haired girl stared at the small present for a few seconds before repeating the words she had just heard as if she _knew_ she had misheard something. “You got me something?”

“I did,” Alex motioned to the package in front of Lena as the girl went back to staring at it.

After the three Danvers had all watched her sit in painful contemplation for thirty seconds, Lena looked up with a shake of the head. “You can keep it.”

“Excuse me?”

“Lena,” Kara decided to jump in before her girlfriend ruined all of the progress her and Alex had made. She wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her in closer. “It's just a gift. Accept that people like you.”

“I didn't get her anything,” Lena whispered with near panic in her voice, glancing at Alex to make sure her voice wasn't audible past Kara's ears. “I can't just – what do I do with it knowing I didn't get her anything? You could have warned me about this, you know?”

“I didn't know she was getting you anything,” Kara wasted no time to defend herself. “ _She_ didn't warn _me_.”

“I'm truly sorry to both of you for the nice gesture,” Alex smiled softly at the dynamic between the two younger girls. “Just open the god damn gift, Lena. It's practically a gag gift, I doubt you'll ever use it.”

That seemed to make Lena the slightest bit lighter. She picked up the hand-sized rectangular box, spinning it around in her hands and examining it.

“It's not expensive?”

“It was less than two dollars,” Alex promised.

Kara was completely dumbfounded, truly not knowing what this gift was. Alex had blindsided them both. She stared at her sister, but whatever was in that box was making Alex skillfully avoid making eye contact with Kara.

“Okay,” Lena agreed as she began to fiddle with the tape. “That sounds reasonable.”

“A gag gift,” Alex reassured Lena in a way that Kara recognized at once meant it was _not_ a gag gift.

That only caused her to further wonder what the hell was in the box. Just as she thought of x-raying it Alex sent her glare full of warning and she adjusted her glasses so they were back in their normal position.

When Lena finally had the box opened she just stared blankly, slowly blinking as she processed it. Kara's eyes went wide as she wished Alex ran this by her.

“It's a key to my apartment,” Alex explained. “If you ever need it, it's yours. Kara has one and knows how to use it a little _too_ well if you aren't sure how.”

Kara analyzed every little piece of Lena as she looked up to meet Alex’s eyes again. This gift showed how deeply intertwined Lena truly was with Kara and, God, did Kara Danvers knew better than anyone how terrified Lena got when she was reminded that she loved something that could decide to leave.

“Gag gift my ass,” Lena mumbled with the most beautiful smile, easing all of Kara's nerves. “Thank you.”

“It was cheap and you'll never use it,” Alex shrugged.

“But it means a lot to have,” Lena admitted, being sincere with Alex and breaking away from their usual humor-filled tone.

Kara’s sister was surprised by the seriousness Lena usually hid, but she grinned right back. “I have one for your apartment, so it's only fair.”

That made Lena smirk, looking to Kara expectantly with amusement. “She _does,_ Kara?”

“Nope,” Kara shook her head profusely at the small detail she had never mentioned to Lena. So, _maybe_ she copied the key the second she got it to give to Alex, but at the time Lena and her had just become friends again, so - if that _had_ , in fact, happened - she slid that fact under the rug. “No, I don't know how she got it. Must be the government job. This is news to me too.”

“I bet it is,” Lena hummed as she formed her lips into a thin line that was on the verge of a laugh and grabbed Kara’s arm that was encircling Lena’s waist to wrap it tighter around her. “You could've told me.”

“I gave it to her a long time ago,” she shrugged, happily obliging to hold Lena closer.

She’d hold Lena as close as Lena would allow. She never wanted to let go. She prayed Lena felt the same.

* * *

“It wouldn’t be winter break without me forcing us to do something you won't want to do,” Kara brought up at nine in the morning one day.

Lena just shook her head with an all-too-knowing smile. “I know. You don’t get up before noon unless you smell food or want to push me out of my comfort zone.”

“That’s not true,” Kara insisted with a dramatic scoff, but she couldn’t give an example of when that claim wasn’t legitimate.

Shaking her head, Lena pushed the banter aside. “What do you have in mind?”

“Ice skating. There’s a rink near by.”

“I have weak ankles,” Lena came up with her excuse in record time. “I don’t think I can.”

“You’re strong with quite the stamina. You can,” Kara threw back.

“That sounds extremely sexual.”

Kara just smirked, nodding her head. “I know.”

Lena licked her lips at the sight of Kara’s hunger for something other than food and Kara reveled in being blunt about her needs. It had taken a while to be comfortable saying ‘sex’ and even longer to not have trouble expressing when she wanted it, but she knew Lena loved when Kara expressed the desire.

“Eliza is downstairs,” Lena reminded her. “And I still think there’s a very real chance that Alex bugged this house somehow.”

“I can’t wait another week until we’re back,” Kara agreed to the first point Lena made, moving to cling herself around her girlfriend’s neck. She moved her mouth closer to ear, letting out a soft moan.

Lena’s lips pursed together, her own desire beginning to show. “Are you trying to seduce me right now? Here?”

“I’m trying to go ice skating,” Kara hopped off Lena and went to grab them both baggy hoodies. “Chop chop, the day is wasting away.”

“ _Kara_!” Lena exclaimed. “No, you can’t do that. You - _Kara_.”

She laughed at Lena’s exasperation, putting on the smirk of a winner. “That’s your motivation for the day. You come ice skating and have fun and I’ll give you the best orgasm of your life tonight. Eliza’s going to be out of town. Do we have a deal?”

“Are you serious?” Lena asked again. “You’re not - that was an act?”

“That wasn’t an act,” Kara immediately corrected, going over to softly kiss and nip at her neck. “That was real. But it’s not going anywhere until after I get my way.”

“You’re bribing me with sex, you do realize that, right? If I do this I become a girl who does things for sexual favors.”

Kara just smiled again, once more moving closer to Lena but this time Lena put up her hands in defeat, finally agreeing.

“Okay, okay. No more seduction tactics, I’ll go ice skating.”

“Pleasure doing business with you,” Kara grinned. “I’ll get us socks.”

* * *

It was nice taking Lena to the rink Kara had spent countless hours of her childhood ice skating on as a kid. There were a few other people there, but it wasn’t overly crowded considering it was the beginning of January and kids older than five had started school again. It was mainly younger kids with their parents and Lena still looked more nervous than any of them when she stepped on the ice.

“You’ve been ice skating before?” Kara asked again.

“Yeah, it’s just been a while,” Lena took a deep breath as her legs started shaking and she clutched the side of the rink.

Watching Lena be so filled with trepidation made Kara almost one-hundred percent sure that Lena was lying through her teeth, but instead of calling her on it she just watched with amusement. “You sure?”

“Who hasn’t been ice skating?” Lena nearly sneered.

“You have, that’s for sure, no doubt in my mind about it,” Kara winked as Lena let out a groan at the sarcasm, hesitantly letting go of the side of the rink and balancing herself on the ice.

“I don’t think this is even worth sex,” Lena complained. “Who does this? Why do you like this?”

“Jeremiah used to take us here,” Kara told her with ease. “I like to come back sometimes.”

“Oh,” Lena said, suddenly looking sheepish at Kara’s sensitive answer. All the whining and dryness was suddenly dropped from her voice, replaced with apology. “I’m sorry.”

Kara grabbed Lena’s hands, skating backwards on the ice and pulling Lena forward. “Don’t be. I love listening to you complain. It makes you you at this point. If you didn’t complain I’d be seriously worried about you.”

“Very funny,” Lena rolled her eyes.

Kara just smirked, continuing to lead Lena across the ice. “I thought so.”

“You’re just showing off now, you know?” Lena looked down to Kara gliding backwards via the thin blades. When she looked back up it was clear she had a question on her mind. Kara waited her out until she finally asked it, watching as Lena looked around to make sure no one was close by. “Did you have ice skating on Krypton?”

Her face lit up at the question, smiling broadly. “Not quite like this.”

“Tell me more.”

That she could do easily. As Kara continued going on with stories of her home planet she had to remind herself to keep talking at some points. The way Lena always looked so genuinely interested in her intergalactic life never ceased to stun her. The green eyes staring so intensely, the slightly furrowed eyebrows in interest… It assured her that Lena was fully aware of how important life before Earth was to her, even if Kara had never outwardly told anyone just how deeply she still missed it some days in fear of hurting someone’s feelings.

“I wish I could see,” Lena told her when she was finished. “I want to see where you grew up.”

It was said as if it was a different city, not a different planet. Everything was so normal with Lena. Three years ago she hadn't thought it could ever be this normal with anyone other than Alex.

“I love hearing about Krypton. And you. And I, uh,” Lena took a deep breath when Kara finished, briefly looking away before looking right back at Kara. Her words came out rushed and desperate to be heard. “I love you a lot, okay?”

Kara pulled Lena to the side of the rink at the sight of her looking so nervous and awkward, letting them both lean some of their weight against the wall encircling the ice. “I know you do.”

“No, I just - I know I don’t tell you a lot or profess my feelings or whatever,” she took a deep breath as Kara smiled at the moment of vulnerability, “I know, I’m working on being more touchy feely still, even after all this time, but I do love you, Kara. So much. More than you can even imagine. And this entire break with you and your family and… I didn’t know what true happiness and acceptance felt like until I met you and - I just wish these things were easier to say - I know they come naturally for you, but… I just fucking love you, okay? I don’t even know how else to express it. So, even though I don’t always have words or do grand gestures and even though I complain all the time, just know that I love you so much - everything - all of you. Okay? You’re it. You’re everything to me, you’re my family. That’s - I just needed to say that and get it out in case you couldn’t just tell.”

She looked to Kara to say something, but she couldn’t. Words physically couldn’t form due to being so enraptured in the essence that was Lena Luthor. The pure adoration and love, along with the slight frustration at herself for being unable to be as vulnerable as she wanted was so present.

“Okay, can you say something?” Lena mumbled.

Kara just shook her head, placing a hand on Lena’s cheek and leaning in to kiss her in one swift movement. Even with all the experience she had with ice skates she had to hold the wall to keep herself steady while they were kissing. When they pulled away Kara smiled as Lena nervously bit her lip.

“I love you so much,” Kara promised her with a smile on her face that was unable to be wiped away. “It’s not about what you say, it’s about what you show and you show me exactly how much you love me every single day. Although, it is really nice to hear you say it too.”

“I hate the idea of soulmates,” Lena told her something Kara vaguely recalled her telling Veronica when she was listening in one day sophomore year. This time, she added on to that, though. “I think it’s a total cliche, I really do. But dear God, Kara the things you say and do…”

She laughed at Lena’s desperation to show affection, reaching down and holding her hand, beginning to pull them through the ice again. “I know. Trust me, you do the same to me.”

“You’re the first and only person I’ve ever really been myself with,” Lena told her as Kara dragged them around. “Thanks for not being the worst.”

Kara scoffed, rolling her eyes. “One second you’re declaring your love for me and the next I’m ‘not the worst’.”

“You’re the best of the best,” Lena said with confidence. “I know that more than anything. Don’t you doubt it.”

“You’re being sweet today,” Kara grinned. “You’re okay, right?”

“I’m fine,” she muttered flatly with an exaggerated eye roll. “This has just honestly been the best break of my life. And without you I’d still just be the bitter girl I was when you met me. You’ve really… just thanks.”

Squeezing Lena’s hands, Kara pulled them over to the side of rink with the exit, stepping out onto the non-icy floor and holding Lena firmly to help her out. “I don’t think I’ve done anything to you. You’re the same person you’ve always been.”

“I am, but I can show who that person is now,” Lena shrugged, walking ahead of Kara and leading the way, avoiding eye contact all the while. “You showed me it’s okay to let my guard down. At least a little bit. Sometimes people like you come around.”

“Well, I hope no one quite like me comes around,” Kara taunted. “I wouldn’t want to lose you to some other girl.”

Shooting her green eyes up, Lena offered a friendly glare. “That’s not even possible. You’re the one for me. I know that with everything in me.”

Kara felt her heart fluttering around in her chest. Now _that_ sounded like commitment. Maybe there was hope for them after college. Maybe this wasn’t just a fling to Lena either. She sure did hope that was the case. More than anything. Because this was beyond the real deal for Kara. This was everything she’d ever wanted and more. The purity her and Lena shared despite knowing the darkest and grimiest parts of one another was something special. Something she never wanted to lose.

Commitment was what Kara wanted more than anything, but it was Lena’s biggest fear. Even if Lena wanted it Kara worried she’d be too afraid to grasp it. It scared the hell out of her. It really did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has honestly become pure fluff so I hope you're into that sort of thing


	12. senior year: pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Our last semester."
> 
> This is more fluff and the happy ending they deserve.

“I still can’t believe your sister said she wants me to come for Easter,” Lena repeated as they walked home from the train station, the awe back in her voice. “Do you think she likes me now? Does this mean she officially approves?”

Kara had an absolute headache. The first three times Lena had brought this up it was cute, the fourth time the cuteness wore off a little and every time after that became increasingly more unbearable. Of course Alex liked Lena. Who wouldn’t like Lena? It was Lena. But Kara couldn’t get her girlfriend to believe that her social skills had improved, so Lena would remain just as in shock regardless of what she said - and therefore just as annoying as she repeated her surprise aloud. Kara knew Lena still saw herself as the socially inept eighteen year old girl, but that wasn’t her. Not anymore.

“She always approved.”

“Stop saying that, it’s not true,” Lena ordered.

Kara dragged her bags back into their apartment, throwing them on the floor as she moved to lay on their bed, leting out a content sigh when she was finally settled in. Lena stood in the doorway, smiling at the sight. “You missed the bed that much?”

“It’s my safe place and calms me down when you’re being really, really, _really_ annoying.”

“Oh, am I giving you a headache?” she teased, moving closer and laying herself directly on top of Kara’s body. She rested her chin on Kara’s chest, her green eyes looking up at her girlfriend with amusement and no remorse. “I’m so sorry.”

“Alex likes you, okay?” Kara told her seriously. “Now, please, for the love of everything out there in the universe, stop gawking over it.”

She rolled her eyes and rolled off of Kara. “I’m hardly gawking.”

“You are _gawking_ ,” Kara emphasized the word. “It’s not so hard to believe that there are people who adore you.”

Lena rolled to her side and laid on her back next to Kara, her voice coming out so innocently. “For me it still is.”

“I know,” Kara quickly acknowledged, her voice suddenly filled with empathy. “You’re gonna have to work on that.”

A small smile formed on Lena’s lips as she looked at the ceiling with a happier expression than she had never came back to school with after a holiday break before. “I’m not trying to sound overdramatic, but you really have changed my life, Kara.”

Without adjusting her body from laying flat on the bed, Kara turned her head to analyze the beauty that was Lena Luthor as she stayed attentive to the still ceiling fan. “That goes both ways.”

Lena scoffed at the suggestion, finally looking over to her girlfriend with challenge and doubt. “I’ve changed your life?”

“Of course you have,” Kara responded with the utmost sincerity. “You’ve made me more confident. More sure of who I am. More sure of my decisions. You’ve taught me I don’t need anyone to agree with me. I can take on the world and more by myself, I just need to have faith in that.”

Letting out a sigh, Lena nodded as she once again looked up above her instead of beside her at Kara. “Well, that’s true. You can do anything.”

“You can too,” Kara offered.

She let out a smirk, plastering out the cocky demeanor. “Oh, I know.”

“Sometimes I don’t think you do,” Kara defied the claim for the first time, not letting humor fill the room like Lena had wanted and instead making it eerily serious. “You can, though. You can literally succeed at anything. You’re Lena Luthor. You’re honestly-“

“The smartest person you know?”

“That too, but I was going to say that you’re someone who could change the world and it’s crazy that you can’t see it.”

There was no witty response or laugh. Lena laid there, a small smile on her face as Kara just watched her. Her girlfriend’s heart was beating fast, but Kara was ninety-nine percent sure that was from the compliment. At least she hoped it was.

“Our last semester,” Lena finally said with sadness drenching every word as it escaped from her lips.

That made Kara unable to continue staring. She rolled over, joining Lena in looking at the ceiling as she subconsciously moved closer. “I guess so.”

To her surprise, Kara felt a hand grab hers, interlacing their fingers as Lena scooted in to created an even smaller distance between them. Lena propped up her head so that her cheek was resting on Kara’s shoulder and let them lay in silence. Kara didn’t know what the musing of, ‘our last semester’ meant. Truthfully, she didn’t think Lena really knew what it meant either. But Kara knew what she didn’t want it to mean.

She didn’t want it to mean they were over. She didn’t want it to mean she was losing Lena after they had been through so much. She didn’t want the end of college to be the end of _them_. And dear god, she didn't want not wanting all of that to be one sided.

* * *

Kara listened to the phone ring as she sat home alone. Lena was out with Jess and Veronica, but Kara had stayed back to do homework.

“So, you don’t want to miss your weekly check-in with Alex?” Lena had deciphered the meaning of that excuse with a knowing smile.

Kara had just shrugged it off and put on a sly smile of her own. “You don’t know my workload. I have more homework than you can imagine.”

Nonetheless, Lena had let her get away with the transparent white lie, going out with friends while Kara stayed behind. Holding the cell phone to her ear she waited for Alex to start talking impatiently, just needing to hear a voice that Kara knew for sure would still be there in a few months. She wanted Lena to be, but it was so hard not knowing.

“Hey,” Alex said before Kara heard shuffling around. “One second. One second… hold on… Okay! Hey.”

“My dear sister,” Kara chimed with amusement when she had Alex’s full attention. “It’s mid-February.”

There was a few seconds of silence before Alex spoke up, her words cautious. “Is that supposed to mean something?”

“Valentine’s Day was a few days ago,” Kara threw out another random fact.

“Thank you for reminding me that I’m still single,” Alex chanted. “Is there a purpose to that?”

“Lena and I were on a Valentine’s date in the middle of February and she’s _still_ going on about how happy she is that you invited her to Easter,” she ranted. “Why did you have to say that?”

She heard Alex laugh on the other end of the line. “I think it’s good that she knows her place. She should want my approval.”

“Apparently she’s obsessed with it,” Kara muttered the words with irritation, but a smile was on her face. “Don’t get me wrong, I wanted you to like her more than anything, but at least when you were cold to her she didn’t ask how you were or tell me about how she’s cleared her schedule for spring break.”

“You think it’s cute,” Alex told her without question. “Complain all you want, but you like that she’s become more attached to you than any of us thought possible.”

Kara let out a shy grin, pulling her knees to her chest as she sat alone in the living room. “I do.”

She heard Alex open the fridge, making noise as she moved around the kitchen to fetch various items. She spoke with her mouth half full. “Did you ask her what her plans are after college yet?”

“Nope,” Kara popped out. “I have no idea how to bring it up.”

“Just ask if she plans to break up with you after you guys graduate.”

The words were said so casually and lightheartedly that Kara didn’t expect her heart to ache so much from it. The mere idea that her and Lena could be breaking up in less than three months was so painful to her. She felt like she was punched in the gut when she thought about a future without Lena in it. What would she do? Who would she be? How would she live knowing that Lena was out there, but not with her?

“I don’t mean to joke about it, I’m sorry,” Alex sighed sadly at the silence. “I know you don’t want to scare her away by mentioning the future, but you have to do it, Kara. It’s killing you to not know.”

“I’m invincible.”

“You’re putty in her hands and we both know it,” her sister quickly negated the haughty tone. “Ask her.”

“And what do I do if she does say she wants to break up?” Kara asked with fear. “I mean, do you know how it feels to love someone so much that your heart physically hurts? When I look at pictures of her on my phone and she’s in another room I have to go to be in the same room with her I miss her so much - and she’s a room away. How am I going to deal with the level of missing her that would come with her not wanting to be with me after college?”

“Kara,” Alex murmured. “I know that’s a real concern for you, but I honestly don’t think you have to worry.”

“She doesn’t like commitment.”

“But she _loves_ you,” she reminded her without hesitation. “And she loves being with you, okay? You can tell from a mile away that she is head over heels just as much as you are. I am absolutely positive that she isn’t going to want to break up with you.”

“You don’t think so?” she asked meekly.

Alex laughed a little, sounding more sure of herself than Kara would expect. “I would be utterly shocked if she said she wasn’t in it for the long haul.”

Kara let out a deep breath, sitting on the couch in the silent apartment and thinking of Lena. She didn’t want to lose her. Lena was the best damn thing that had ever happened to her and she didn’t know if she could lose the comfort and understanding that she had graciously brought into Kara’s life.

She hoped she wouldn't have to find out what a life without Lena was like, because she had honestly forgotten. Her life had somehow become broken up into things that happened ’before Lena’ and ’with Lena’ and she really didn't want to add an ’after Lena’ to the mix. Nothing had ever broken her before, it was too hard for anything to come close after she lost her entire planet, but Lena leaving? Fuck, that would test how unbreakable she truly was.

She could live without Lena, sure. But she didn't want to. And it would take a long time to be okay again if she ever left. Kara didn't want to go through that.

“Ask her,” Alex repeated when Kara didn't say anything. “Trust me, you're the only one doubting her feelings right now. I have complete faith.”

“In Lena?” Kara asked with doubt. “Do you really, now?”

“I really do,” she told her simply, warming Kara’s heart in the process at how much Alex believed in her girlfriend. “She knows you're too good to lose. I'm more than certain of it. She won't leave.”

* * *

Lena was curled up into Kara’s side, scrolling through Facebook as Kara watched _The Kardashians_ on their TV, once again using the excuse that it was part of her major to be kept up to date on these things. She had trouble focusing, though. With Lena by her side, all she could do was try not to completely lose herself in staring at the perfection.

“What are your plans, anyway?” Kara found herself able to form words halfway through the show. “After college, what are you gonna do?”

“Oh, uh,” she vocally paused and didn’t scroll through her phone for a moment before shrugging and returning to normal. “I’m not really sure. Running LuthorCorp, I guess.”

Kara didn't mention that that wasn't the part she was curious about, because the way Lena sounded so displeased with her own answer worried Kara to no end. “Is that what you want to do?”

She didn’t answer the question, instead settling on a simple, “That’s what I’m doing.”

“You don’t have to run your family’s business if you don’t want to,” Kara told her slowly, treading the complicated waters that were Lena’s family. “It’s your life. Don’t let anyone _make_ you do anything. You’ve never done that before and I never want to see you settle.”

“I want to, it’s just intimidating. It’s… I just hope I don’t fail.”

Kara swallowed a lump in her throat at seeing Lena so worried. She just held her close. “I can’t imagine you failing.”

It was silent as Lena contemplated the question she eventually asked.

“Can I tell you my plans for the company?” Lena asked her with hopefulness and timidness, as if Kara would actually say no. “I haven’t told anyone, but I’m excited to implement them.”

Kara just squeezed Lena closer to her, taking the phone Lena was using to distract herself away and making her look up and make eye contact. Kara’s lips were set into a loving smile. “I’d love to hear about them. Tell me.”

“Even if they’re dumb I don’t want to know, okay? Just say you like them,” Lena instructed what she needed.

Her girlfriend obliged, nodding her head and letting Lena lay into her again.

“I’m going to rename the company, first of all,” she huffed. “The Luthor name shouldn’t be a status symbol - at least, not after what he did. I’m also in the middle of a survey of our shareholders to see what they’d like to see from the company in addition to what I plan to do. I’d like to move our headquarters to a new city to emphasize the idea of a fresh start and that this will be a company ran differently from the way my brother ran it. I want to donate to charities under the radar, but make one big donation every few months, or more often depending on revenue. I’m going to invest in the medical field as well. I want to build hospitals to benefit people other than the wealthy, to create jobs for people who are out of work. I just want to do good, Kara. I want to _be_ good.”

That made Kara’s heart melt. The way Lena was so passionate, yet so well thought out and planned all of this so carefully to make not only herself, but her business succeed was enough to leave Kara absolutely astonished. She had on a wide smile just from listening to Lena speak so eloquently about it.

“That’s really amazing. You’re gonna be a super successful CEO to your company one day. I hope you know that,” Kara told her, able to clearly see Lena behind a computer in a big office with big windows located in a big building, just what she deserved. “The world will be yours.”

“You think so?” Lena asked, looking up at Kara for reassurance.

Kara nodded, looking back at her with all the love in the world. “I’ve never been more positive of anything. You can recover your company. I believe in you completely.”

She smiled at that, staring into the distance, deep in thought until she came back to Earth and focused on Kara again. “I don’t know about your future. It’s hard to say.”

“Oh?” Kara squinted a bit with a teasing smile all around. “I never thought _I’d_ be the mystery between the two of us.”

“You could be anyone,” Lena shrugged, leaning back and laying on Kara’s chest again, this time more relaxed as she tried to analyze Kara and predict what could be the future. “You could be a journalist, you could be head of a newspaper, maybe a magazine. You could do freelancing, I can see you going so many directions. You’re good at everything, it’s insane.”

“You think _I’m_ the one who’s good at everything?”

“Literally, everything,” Lena confirmed. “You have more grace than you know in every facet of life.”

“Talk smart to me, I like it,” Kara murmured with a smile.

Lena laughed softly, making eye contact again with a happy gaze. She bent her arm and softly placed her hand on Kara's cheek. “I know you do, babe.”

They fell into an easy silence with Kara’s hands running softly through Lena’s hair and Lena closing her eyes in contentment, enjoying the moment. Her eyebrows furrowed a little, then relaxed, but it was too late. Kara had seen it.

“What are you thinking about?” she sang in curiosity.

Lena glanced up again, then closed her eyes and fell back into Kara and the way she was playing with her hair. Her voice was gentle and curious. “Do you think you’ll ever want to be like your cousin one day?”

“Clark?”

“Do you even _have_ other cousins?” Lena asked as Kara laughed.

She had never really thought about the first question, so her answer took a minute as she contemplated the idea. Eventually she just shook her head. “I don’t know. Alex would kill me.”

Lena rolled her eyes, looking up at her girlfriend once more. “And when have you let Alex stop you before?”

“That’s why my answer is I don’t know instead of no,” she smirked. “Would you? If you were me, would you do that?”

“If I were _you_ , yes, I would. But I’m not you, so my answer is that it would terrify me day in and day out to think of you out there.”

It was different to have someone that truly cared about her and looked out for her besides Alex, someone who could provide such honesty. Maybe Kara would never get used to that. The only person who could truly hurt her is Lena if she chose to part ways and Kara wondered if Lena even knew how powerful she was.

“I’m invincible.”

“We both know you’re not, sweetie,” Lena broke the news gently. “If you ever went out there and got hurt, I… I don’t even want to think about it.”

Sometimes she had to remind herself that Lena herself wasn’t invincible. She emitted so much strength that it was beyond easy to get lost in it. It was easy to forget how sensitive she was to the idea of people leaving, but in vulnerable moments the insecurities came screaming out of her.

“Okay, then let’s not think about it,” Kara ushered them away from the dreary thoughts, squeezing Lena closer to her. “It’d just be nice to be a hero, you know? To save people.”

“If it helps, you saved me,” Lena told her casually without that deeply serious tone, just shrugging it off. “You saved me a lot more than you know. If you haven’t noticed, I can be quite dark and you’re a ray of sunshine.”

Kara let out a blissful sigh, unable to fathom that Lena was hers. At least for now, Lena was hers. She didn’t want to ruin this moment by risking that. If Lena didn’t want to be with her after graduation, she didn’t want to know right now. Right now, Lena was on their bed, in Kara’s arms, her head lying on top of Kara’s chest. She didn’t need to jeopardize that. She’d enjoy what she had while she had it.

* * *

The calm that Kara had had on the bed with Lena vanished when they got up the next morning. The next morning, all the thoughts were back about how this was Monday and midterms. She had half of a semester left at this school. That was it. After that it was over and she _needed_ to know if Lena was in this after May.

She walked out of their bedroom to an empty apartment and sighed, knowing her girlfriend had already left for classes and the conversation would have to happen at a later point in time. She was so desperate to know the answer that she almost texted Lena about it, but she knew it was something that was better done in person. The best way to see Lena’s true feelings was to catch her off guard.

After both of their days they were sitting in the living room together, Kara with a bag of chips and the TV on while Lena studied the agenda of assignments she had yet to complete. When Kara grew the collectiveness to appropriately discuss the undying question, she muted the TV which caused the girl in question to look up with curiosity.

“Are we staying together after graduation?” she cut to the chase before Lena could ask her what was wrong.

Lena looked back down to her list of assignments with a offhand shrug, acting like the answer didn't have the ability to end their relationship. “I’m in it if you are.”

“I’m not kidding,” Kara told her, placing a hand over her notebook to get her to set it down. “I need to know.”

Green eyes met hers and Lena’s expression became just as serious as Kara’s. She laid the agenda down on the coffee table. She looked at Kara fervently, just shrugging again. “I’m not kidding either. In fact, I’m rather serious.”

“What are your plans? What does your future look like directly after graduation? Where will we live if we do stay together? Do you really want to stay together? I mean, I don't want to push you into it if you don't want to. There are so many questions that are unanswered and I just - am I going to lose you? I don’t know what we’re going to do, because these last four years-”

“I’m going to stop you from a ramble that already sounds really emotional,” Lena smiled a little, reaching over and grabbing Kara’s hands in her own with a brief squeeze. “My plans are with you.”

“With me?” Kara asked skeptically, expecting much more hesitancy or even Lena completely walking away from the conversation.

“Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” Lena confirmed as if it were the simplest matter in the world, as if she was saying Kara could pick out dinner that night, not committing to spend her life with Kara wherever Kara wanted to spend it.

“What?”

“The only thing I’m certain of in my future is you,” Lena confessed out loud for the first time. She didn't run away from her feelings for the very first time. “Besides, I need to find a new location for the company headquarters anyway. I’m going to completely rebuild it, so you choose where you want me to do that from. I’m on board.”

Kara squinted her eyes a little at how freakishly uncharacteristic this was. There was no meltdown, no attempt at a dismissal of the topic for her to think up an answer, she looked calm as could be, she was making eye contact with pure eyes that shouted out nothing but sincerity and it threw Kara off completely.

“You’re… on board?” she asked slowly. “With us? Moving somewhere after college? Together?”

Lena rolled her eyes at the overdramatics, picking up her agenda again. “That’s what I said, is it not?”

“As in, you’re on board with us moving on to the next phase of life? After college? _Together_?” Kara described the situation again in case Lena wasn’t aware of what she was saying. “And you’re not freaking out? At all?”

She put on a small smile, placing the notebook full of tasks back on the coffee table again and moving to sit on Kara’s lap. She looked down as her as black hair suddenly framed Kara’s face. “I want to experience every phase of life with you. I want to be with you forever.”

“How anxious did saying that out loud make you?” Kara teased.

Lena just rose her eyebrows with defiance. “I’m not anxious in the least.”

“You were doing great at not being anxious before, but you’re definitely anxious now,” Kara informed her, placing a flat palm on the left side of Lena’s chest. “I can hear your heartbeat.”

“You can’t just superpower me all the time, it’s not fair,” Lena grumbled, clinging on to Kara tighter than before. If possible, her arms wrapped around Kara and pulled her closer after a few seconds as she took a deep breath and her heart rate increased even more. “Do you want to break up after college?”

“You're kidding, right?” Kara laughed. When Lena didn't laugh her eyes widened. “I'm so obsessed with you, Lena. You must know that.”

“I know, I know,” she smiled in reassurance.

Kara frowned when her eyes didn't smile with her. “Do you, though?”

Lena rolled her eyes and brushed the worried tone off. “Don't be silly. Of course I know that.”

In all of the time she had spent wondering if Lena wanted this after graduation, it hadn’t once occurred to Kara that maybe Lena needed reassurance too. Lena seemed so content with things all the time and was so good at shoving down doubts that Kara often didn't remember she might be experiencing the same things as her.

“Lena, I'm crazy about you,” Kara grinned, suddenly switching their positions. She placed Lena on the couch to sit on top of her lap faster and with more grace than any human could. “I want my forever to be with you too.”

Once again, Lena shook her head with nonchalance. “I know. Trust me, I'm fine.”

Kara leaned down, holding Lena's cheeks in her hands, leaning down to softly kiss her. She pressed their bodies together firmly, trying to convey with pressure how committed she was at this point. When she pulled away she was breathing heavily.

“I _love_ you, Lena,” she promised with all of her heart. “More than anyone.”

Lena raised an eyebrow at that. “Anyone, huh?”

Kara hesitated and looked away for a moment, wondering if it would scare Lena to know she beat Alex by a smidge at this point, but eventually she told her the truth. Lena had said forever. The truth was long past due.

“You are my biggest priority. I love you more than I thought I was capable of loving. I'm so crazy about you.”

Her lips twitched as she fought the smile, but eventually it was on full blast, her entire face lighting up. She crinkled her nose a little. “I'm still heartless and love no one. You know, just for the record.”

“Of course you don't,” Kara chimed with a amusement. “You don't love me at all, you'll just move anywhere I want to move to and live with me and build a life with me.”

“Exactly,” Lena confirmed with a strong nod. “You know me well.”

“Do I?”

Lena just relaxed her body, somehow all the tension leaving it at once as she leaned her forehead on Kara's shoulder. “God, do I love you.”

“We’re good together,” Kara agreed wholeheartedly. “You're so good for me.”

“You're good for me too,” Lena promised her softly, her voice tender upon admitting it. “I'd be pretty lost without you, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Lena just grinned, not reacting in any other way. Kara laughed, wrapping her arms around Lena's neck tight enough to make her laugh too. They sat intertwined as Kara just enjoyed feeling Lena's body move with her breathing and listening to her heartbeat.

“You'd really follow me wherever I want to go?”

“I'd follow you to Mars,” Lena murmured into her neck.

Kara smiled, not quite believing Lena would do such a thing while completely believing Lena would do such a thing. It was confusing, but nothing with Lena had ever _not_ been confusing. Lena still was a mystery in some ways. Kara knew she loved her deeply – really deeply – but sometimes she wondered if even she wasn't aware of how much Lena cared.

Lena could be cold. She could be detached. With Kara that wasn't part of the picture. Lena could joke about being cold and detached or poke fun at who she was when they had first met, but Kara hadn't experienced that detached version of her girlfriend in so long that sometimes she forgot how off putting the girl before her first was.

Still, Lena acted like she didn't _need_ anyone. Kara knew Lena wanted her. She knew that she was the most important person in Lena’s life without a doubt, but it was just so unfathomable to Kara that someone as fearless and untouchable as Lena would need her.

Tonight was a rare night, a night that she felt beyond needed in Lena's life. Sometimes it took seeing the insecurities for Kara to see how attached Lena was to her, how much she cared for her, how desperately she wanted Kara to be in her life forever.

Kara hoped one day she could make Lena see that she felt all the same things. It was stupid and cliche and Kara would never tell Lena because it was so cheesy, but if everything really did happen for a reason, Lena was the reason that she had to come to Earth and had to isolated for years. Lena was the reason she felt at home now. Lena was just the reason for everything. Lena was the reason she felt good ninety-nine percent of the time. Lena was her reason. Plain and simple.

* * *

“I really do hate this, you know?” Lena yelled out as Kara flew through the air despite not needing the loud volume. Kara would have heard a whisper, but she knew Lena's thought process was never clear when Kara forced her to fly with her.

“We’re almost there!” Kara yelled back, because Lena _did_ need screaming in order to hear. “We could have been there by now if you didn't make me go so slow!”

She felt Lena actually shake from sarcastic laughter. “This is _not_ slow!”

For half a second Kara flew her normal speed and felt Lena clutch on for dear life until Kara slowed down again. “Care to reconsider?”

“That was highly unnecessary!” she somehow yelled louder as Kara began descending to the ground. “That was showing off and it scared the shit out of me! What the–”

“Hi, Alex,” Kara smiled as she hit the ground.

That made Lena shut up at once. When she turned around Alex was shutting her car door, but one look at Lena made her burst out laughing. “You really do hate flying.”

“I told you she did,” Kara scoffed. “You never believe me.”

“It might be my least favorite form of transportation,” Lena mumbled as she crossed her arms before turning to Kara with fury. “If you _ever_ do that again–”

“I had complete control, I wouldn't have–”

“Never again,” she repeated firmly. “Understood?”

Kara just nodded, too afraid to argue with the look. “I wouldn't dare upset you.”

“Like hell you wouldn't,” Lena muttered as she took more deep breaths.

Alex was once again laughing beside them as she looked into their relationship. Lena looked self conscious, but Kara was delighted that Alex found so much joy in seeing the two of them interact.

“You're whipped,” Alex taunted her sister as the joy left Kara. “She has you so whipped.”

“I am not!” Kara sputtered out, suddenly feeling unable to defend herself. “I just respect her enough to do as she says!”

“Oh, but you are,” Alex didn’t let her off the hook. Lena started laughing as well but that only made Alex spin to her with challenge. “And you think you aren't just as whipped?”

The laughter stopped immediately.

“You might be even worse! You _hate_ flying yet how many times have you now let her fly you here? Not to mention that you let her get her way entirely too much in general for my liking. Everything she wants you to do you do.”

“I – that's – no!” Lena was now the one defending herself. “I can say no!”

“Yeah, I have yet to see it,” Alex scoffed. “The point is, both of you are gross.”

“We–”

“That is not–”

“Time to go say hi to Mom now,” Alex smirked as she turned around to walk away.

Lena turned to Kara with her arms crossed. “I am _not_ whipped.”

“Neither am I!” Kara protested alongside her.

“She doesn't know what she's talking about.”

“She knows nothing about relationships,” Kara once again agreed. “We aren't whipped.”

“We’re not,” Lena repeated the fact.

“I would do anything for you, though,” Kara smiled.

That made Lena roll her eyes with a type of love that Kara never thought she'd understand. “Yeah, yeah. Ditto.”

“Did you just say ditto?”

Lena just wrapped an arm around Kara's waist and pulled her close as she started walking to the familiar house, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “Would you rather me say I'd do nothing for you?”

“Ditto is good,” Kara changed her opinion of the response. “Ditto is enough for me. I'm just surprised a grandmother like you knows the meaning of the word.”

“You're whipped,” Lena shot out in response to the playful jab.

Kara laughed, but didn't disagree. “If I am, you are.”

“You are.”

“Then you are too.”

Lena huffed at that, shaking her head with the famous eye roll. “You're so annoying.”

Kara had to stop herself from laughing at her own witty response. “Ditto.”

“Annoying.”

“ _Whipped_.”

Lena groaned, quickly leaning over to kiss Kara's cheek before they walked through the front door. “At least I'm not both.”

“Oh, whatever,” Kara gave up the fight with a laugh. “You love me.”

“I do,” Lena promised.

That only made Kara glow. “I know.”

* * *

Kara sat on the top of the stairs and felt so human as she listened in on Lena and Alex’s serious conversation about her. It had started out as light hearted jokes until Alex brought up how Kara had told her that the two of them planned to stay together after graduation.

“Of course we’re staying together,” Lena rolled her eyes. “She's stupid for doubting that.”

“I did tell her she shouldn't,” Alex acknowledged smugly.

Lena grinned at that, lifting her chin with pride. “Really?”

“She's stupid for doubting it,” Alex simply agreed as Kara rolled her eyes at the smugness from the top of the stairs. “I heard you doubted her too, though.”

“We aren't talking about me,” Lena quickly refuted.

The older Danvers couldn't hide the smile from leaking out, even in the way she spoke. “She's into you just as much as you are her.”

Lena just nodded, not commenting on that. “I hope so.”

“She is. I've ever seen her trust anyone that much.”

Kara wanted to burst at how bashful Lena looked upon hearing that.

“She trusts you more than _me_ ,” Alex continued with bitterness, then her voice sounded nothing but happy and humorous. “Thank god. Her baggage was exhausting.”

That almost made Kara come roaring down, but she kept herself quiet, still wanting to see where the conversation went.

“She's… Kara,” Lena finally sighed.

“You're in deep,” Alex sighed with her. “I'm glad you're as serious as she is.”

“I'm dead serious,” Lena confirmed. “I've never been more serious or certain of anything.”

“C’mon,” Alex smiled understandingly. “You're the most certain person I know.”

“And I'm certain she's the best of the best,” Lena confided in her. She looked to Alex anxiously before her expression turned gravely serious. “Between me and you, I have no doubt in me that if I ever get married, it'll be to your sister.”

Alex’s eyebrows raised, but she recovered from the bombshell much better than Kara was on top of the stairs. “You're serious?”

“When I was little I'd watch movies and look at families and think that the hominess was fake. When I'm with Kara,” Lena shook her head with a shrug. “She gives me that.”

“The hominess feeling?”

“The home,” Lena corrected. “If she wants to put up with me enough to propose one day it'd be a yes.”

“Why can't you propose?” Alex snorted at the assumption her sister would.

“Oh, I don't put myself out there nor do I show my feelings,” she said casually.

It was clear that Alex thought it was a joke, but Kara knew that's what Lena genuinely believed.

“Yet you're here, telling me you'd marry my sister if you could,” Alex pointed out dryly.

That made Lena think. She fell silent and Kara thought, for the billionth time, that she was about to run due to Alex’s pushing, but instead a proud smile appeared on her face. “I guess I am.”

“You wouldn't be the worst sister-in-law,” Alex admitted.

“You would,” Lena shot out. “You're terrifying when you're protective of Kara.”

“ _I'm_ terrifying?” Alex was in awe. “You were willing to let a government agency sue you in order to protect her from being lied to.”

“Yeah and _you_ said I was only friends with her because I wanted to kill her!”

“Yeah, that might have been a low blow,” Alex winced as she let out a chuckle. “Maybe I was wrong.”

“Maybe?”

“It's as close as you're getting to an apology,” Alex explained. “Take it or leave it. I'll always protect her. I can't fully apologize for that.”

“That's fair,” Lena accepted the answer. “I understand that.”

“I know you do,” Alex smiled warmly. “That's why you'd be a good sister-in-law.”

Kara silently stood up, creeping back into her room because she physically couldn't bring herself to ruin such a beautiful moment. Everything about the interaction filled her with adulation and amazement and pure bliss. Lena really had won over _Alex._ And she wanted to marry Kara. Kara sat on that thought for a moment. Lena wanted to marry her one day.

Nothing made her happier than hearing that she made the girl she loved, the girl who ran from every sign of commitment, feel keen to the idea of marrying her. She won her over. It was official. She had won over Lena and that left her feeling more honored than ever.

* * *

She was trying to ignore it, she really was, but she couldn't. Lena was sulking so much and in return Kara was trying _so_ hard not to revel in it. She was a little too used to herself being the jealous one, so seeing Lena with that tight smile and eyes darting whenever James so much as looked at her was beyond satisfactory. It made her feel less crazy.

“I can't believe we're graduating,” Lucy spoke up, meeting eyes with Kara. She glanced over to Lena and gave her an amused look that only confirmed that Lena was _definitely_ jealous as she sat in the room with Winn, James and Lucy.

“Me either,” James chimed. “It's crazy that we've even all known each other for four years.”

“It feels like longer,” Kara looked to Lena who rose her eyebrows with a bit of cockiness at the eye contact, yet enough unhappiness to show she was still jealous that James and Winn were sharing the couch with Kara while Lena got Lucy.

“You guys are staying together, right?” Lucy asked despite already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Lena states professionally. “I believe so.”

“Try not too sound too thrilled,” Kara smirked.

That at least got a genuine smile out of her. “You know you're the only person I can see in my future long-term. I'm thrilled.”

The room fell silent at the words, so Kara eased the tension Lena hadn't meant to cause with a light tone. “You better not be leading me on.”

“I don't have to fake how crazy I am about you,” Lena exchanged a sly smile with her.

“You two are cute,” Winn jumped in dreamily. He turned to Lucy and James with contentment. “Aren't they cute?”

“They are.”

Lena looked to James who just met Lena's eyes with a smile of his own. “You guys are cute.”

“I think so too,” Lena said with a little too much protectiveness for it to sound like words of affection.

“Lena,” Kara mumbled, suddenly feeling a little too cared for. She shot her girlfriend a look of warning.

“I'm being nice,” she mumbled right back with an eye roll.

“Whipped,” Lucy laughed.

“She's heard that before,” Kara bit back a laugh.

Lena just made a face that showed annoyance yet so much love. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, like you're so much better.”

“You are so pouty today,” Kara couldn't help but point it out, which only made Lena more annoyed. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” she put that tight expression on again. “I'm great.”

“Great,” she grinned.

Lena just nodded in confirmation of that. “Yup. It is.”

Kara was never more satisfied by Lena's annoyance than she was in that moment. Lena was always so sure of herself and Kara knew losing Kara was a fear of hers, but it was always nice to feel like she was never taken for granted.

Then again, with Lena when had she ever?

* * *

“Hey!” Veronica waved as Jess trailed behind her, going to Kara for a hug first, then Lena. Jess did the same before they split, all of them beginning their short walk to Pete’s.

“Veronica and I were talking about you both yesterday before Kara texted asking if we were free,” Jess told them as Kara subtly interlaced her hand with Lena's.

She looked over to see Lena's lips twitch in the faintest smile. Lena didn't look at her, but she felt her hand get squeezed after a few moments. Looking at Lena it seemed like no big deal, but every time their skin made contact it still felt like two lost souls reuniting and Kara knew that that feeling was mutual.

“What have you guys been up to? We missed you last week.”

“Lena was freaking out about her speech for the ceremony,” Kara grinned with pride while Lena groaned with embarrassment.

Lena looked less than pleased that Kara had brought it up. “I was not freaking out, _Kara_.”

“What would you call it, then, _Lena_?” she shot back. “You revised and rehearsed it almost all day long. You took a break to go to class and that’s it.”

“I need it to be perfect,” Lena explained and Kara knew how much that statement rang true for her. Everything Lena did in front of people she needed to be perfectly executed.

“Is your mom coming?” Veronica asked.

Kara silently squeezed Lena’s hand this time as Lena put on the usual face of being unbothered. “No, she’s busy.”

 _Busy_ was inaccurate. She viewed going to see a graduation ceremony as a waste of time, which had made Kara’s blood absolutely boil. She had so many things to say about that, but she had held her tongue for her girlfriend’s sake.

“That sucks,” Jess grimaced a little before continuing with a tone that was probably supposed to sound more upbeat than it did. “I guess it comes with running a company, though. We’ll all be there for you.”

“We will,” Kara agreed.

It was Lena’s turn to squeeze Kara’s hand again when she caught an eye roll and tense jaw coming from her. “Thank you guys. Being there means a lot.”

Kara looked over to Lena and couldn’t help but soften at her grateful expression, feeling as if Lena wasn't thanking them, but rather her. Just her. She loosened up again, letting out a deep breath. Lena’s mother was shit and she was amazed every day how far Lena had fallen from that tree. Her mother was evil. But Lena? Lena was kind. And gentle. And astonishing. And she was pure and warm and safe. She was everything good in the world combined into one human being and since human beings couldn’t be perfect Lena was filled with too much wit that sometimes came off in the wrong way. Kara was convinced that Lena _had_ to be so off putting to her at first, that Kara _had_ to not understand her for so long, because if that wasn’t the case Lena would honestly be the perfect human being. No questions asked.

* * *

“Are you nervous?” Kara asked Lena as they stood in their two bedroom apartment that had became too big for them over the years. Suddenly only one bedroom was necessary after they had gotten together.

Lena straightened out her dress for the billionth time, beginning to straighten out her hair as well before Kara took over, pretending to perfect it despite not needing to as Lena huffed and puffed. “No, I just want to get this over with. Ceremonies are stupid.”

She decided not to mention how nervous twitches gave away that lie.

Alex came out of what they had made into the guest bedroom, shaking her head as she looked up from her phone. “If you think they’re stupid now wait until Mom takes twenty _thousand_ pictures of you guys.”

Lena laughed, looking at Kara with a teasing smirk. “Have fun with that.”

“Oh, you’re in for it too,” Alex corrected her. “Don’t think you’re getting out of it either. It’s usually ten thousand, but now we have Kara _and_ you.”

She had never seen Lena’s face drop so quick. “She’s going to want pictures of _me_? Why? I don’t know if - _Why_?”

“Part of being in the family,” Kara smiled, sliding an arm around her girlfriend’s waist. “You’re going to get a copy framed for your wall too. Just wait for it.”

“So, you're telling me I'll have to relive this day every time I walk past a spot in my house because a picture will be on the wall?”

“You love my pictures on the wall,” Kara pointed out. “Every single time you go over to my house you look at them.”

“Because they’re of _you_ ,” Lena emphasized. “I don't want a picture of _me_ on the wall!”

“Being part of a family is awful, isn't it?” Alex mumbled with a playful taunt. “Just be glad I refused to buy another camera so my mom and I could take simultaneous pictures of you during the ceremony.”

“That would be humiliating,” Lena agreed immediately. “And nauseating at that.”

Kara looked over at Lena's face of horror at the idea, but in it she saw an odd sense of comfort at this conversation. She saw Lena feeling warm at the thought of belonging to the Danvers and Kara found that so heartwarming herself. She loved that Lena loved her family. She loved even more that Lena belonged in it.

“It's graduation, don't look so annoyed,” Alex said with faux annoyance herself. “You'll do great, Lena. And if you mess up we can laugh about it when we watch the video with Mom fifty times, so no pressure.”

“You're _hilarious_ ,” Lena scowled, making Kara laugh.

She placed a hand on the crook of Lena's back, taking the opposite approach of her sister and aiming for comfort. “You'll do great. I promise. If you're anything but amazing during your speech I will personally destroy the video for you.”

Lena calmed down at that, letting out a deep breath before walking to the full length mirror in their bedroom to make sure she looked okay for the billionth time.

“It's okay,” Kara rested a hand on Lena’s shoulder when she caught up to her. “You’ll be okay.”

“The only thing I've ever been good at is school,” Lena whispered away from Alex. Kara's heart broke at the panic, at the lost expression she had never seen on Lena before. She always looked so sure of her future. “What am I going to do if I fail at everything from this point forward?”

“You'll mooch off me,” Kara stated with complete seriousness, causing Lena to crack a small smile. “I love you. It's you and me. If you fail, I'll pull you until you're on your feet again. If I fail, I know you'll pull me. Me and you. We're okay as long as we're together.”

Lena looked down, nodding her head with a hint of tears in her eyes. “I couldn't handle you leaving.”

“I'm not going to,” Kara told her, stroking a hand over her cheek as Lena looked up again. “I said me and you. Love is all we need.”

Her girlfriend scoffed at the idea. “That's the cheesiest statement you've said to date.”

“But is it untrue?”

She stayed silent. Green eyes filling with curiosity of the future, she double checked what she heard. “Me and you?”

“Me and you.”

“Me and you,” Lena repeated for herself with contentment. “Me and you.”

“Yeah,” Kara nodded, going in for a long hug. She placed a hand on the back of Lena's head for comfort, feeling Lena relax into her entire body. “It's a promise, Lena. I've never broken a promise in my life.”

_Me and you._

_Me and you._

_Me and you_.

That's all Kara could think. That was all she wanted. All she needed to be happy was _me and you_.

* * *

Their bedroom was silent. Boxes were scattered all over and Eliza and Alex had gone out to eat for the night, leaving the two of them alone with a half packed up apartment. It was nice to just sit with Lena. It hadn't happened in a long while between Lena's obsession with finals, then her obsession with her speech. Now, graduation was over. It was just Lena again.

“You didn't mess up,” Kara's soft voice roared through the silence.

Lena didn't say anything, but she shifted over to the side and cuddled up next to the girl who would always be always wanting Lena pressed against her.

“I'm so proud of you.”

That made Lena cling on for dear life. “College is over.”

“But you aren't,” Kara promised. “Me and you.”

“Me and you,” Lena nodded to herself in reassurance before speaking dreamily. “I fucking love you, Kara.”

“I know you do,” she wrapped her arm further around Lena’s waist. “I love you right back.”

Lena sighed against Kara's chest, her grip not getting any looser. If anything, she somehow tightened her grip on Kara.

“Can I borrow money?” Kara asked out of the blue.

Scrunching her eyebrows, Lena looked up at her. Kara had expected the surprise considering she had never asked that before, but she wasn't sweating a bit.

“I mean, yeah, sure,” she stammered, green eyes analyzing blue eyes. “Is everything okay?”

“It's great, don't worry,” Kara smiled back down. “I just need a loan. I'll pay you back.”

“Of course,” Lena nodded, looking back at the ceiling fan. “Any time. As much as you need.”

Kara waited her out, knowing Lena's curiosity would scream at her until she asked the follow up question. Sure enough.

“What do you need it for?”

“Oh,” Kara shrugged it off casually. “I want to by you an engagement ring.”

Lena didn't react outwardly, but her heartbeat went wild. She didn't look up, didn't even twitch, but that heart was pounding faster and louder than ever before.

“Yeah?” she squeaked.

Kara tugged her closer, running a hand through her hair. “Me and you, Lena.”

It was silent, but Lena finally nodded, her voice recovering and flowing with happiness. “Okay then. Yeah. I mean, yes, of course I want that, you know? Me and you.”

“Are you sure? Engagement means forever and forever. That's a big commitment.”

“Forever isn't a commitment with you. It's a privilege.”

And just like that, Kara knew there was not a single soul in the universe who was luckier than herself. How many Lena Luthors were there in the world? None that were as good as hers, that was for certain.

“I love you, you know?”

“I love you so much I'm giving you a loan,” Lena gloated. “I don't give just anyone loans.”

“Keep talking and I'll make this a huge proposal in the most lovey dovey, romantic, huge scene, flash mob, blimp through the sky type of fashion.”

Lena looked up, squinting her eyes with a playfulness that Kara had always been keen of. “You wouldn't dare.”

“I wouldn't, I love you too much to ruin your proposal,” Kara grinned. “You'd really marry me?”

“I would've said yes two years ago,” she declared honestly. “I'm always in your corner. I'm always your number one fan – fuck Alex, I'm number one.”

“I actually don't think I can argue that,” Kara admitted aloud. “You've become my go to.”

“You and me,” Lena quickly squeezed her tight with a laugh. “That’s always how it was supposed to be.”

“Forever,” Kara just sighed at the simple word, amazed how it could bring so much fulfillment. “It's a privilege.”

“The highest privilege there is, actually,” Lena smiled up at her with stars in her eyes. “I’m so happy right now.”

“Yeah,” Kara laid back in the bed, propping her head up to look down at the girl who had stolen her heart without Kara even being aware it was happening. “I’m pretty damn happy too, Lena Luthor.”

“I’m taking your last name, just for the record. I’ve been dying to ditch mine.”

“You’ve been a Danvers for years. It’s about time we make that official.”

This was what homes were made of. Kara was sure of it. Kara was sure of her. Kara was sure of them. How couldn’t she be? They were them.

Soulmates united at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to everyone who stuck with this story. thank you all for all the support. I was so nervous entering the fandom with this first longer story but I loved it & hope to write more soon. see you around ;)


End file.
